Dream Killing Game

You go to your storage locker to find that, somehow, the bill wasn't paid last month, and the same guy that owns the facility, owns a diner.  He recognizes your name from his list of people that get a free lunch, and when he cross references it to his 'behind in bills' list, he chucks all your stuff out the door into the alley.  Where, amazingly enough, the Salvation ARmy was just standing by, innocently, with a large van.  They take all of your stuff back to their building, and now if you want any of your stuff back, you have to pay them to get it.  And you no longer get your free lunch, that fee was used to replace the lock they had to cut off your door.

I wish it was the weekend.
 
It is, but you have a nasty case of explosive diarrhea.

I wish my interent would have been fixed so that I could play some Killzone 2 even though I fucking hate it.
 
The intrawebz is fixed.  You can't stop playing.  You're obsessed.  You're late for work.  You lose your job.  You pull a Korean kid and forget to eat causing you to require a long stay at your local hospital.

I wish it didn't rain into my coffee today. 
 
Jon Schaffer hires you to go on tour. You have to put up with him.

I wish I could go to sleep.
 
Was that supposed to kill my dream or make me orgasm?


You go to sleep, but you wake up with the face of a hamster. I dunno why.
 
Dude... what rock have you been under? I wouldn't spend 5 minutes with Schaffer, much less tour with him.
 
I beg to differ. Not just Owens. There is a reason IE has gone through so many line-up changes and it's called Jon Schaffer. On top of that, the way he treats current members and talks about most of those who leave is incredibly dickish.
 
Sons of Liberty come to Serenade you at 2 am. Annoyed you call the Police. Schaffer goes on a rant about civil liberties, the cops don't care and taser him for resisting arrest. Once he is carried away the rest of the band comes back and burns your house down in retaliation.

I wish I was 17 again.
 
You do. in fact you enjoy it so much you never leave. You start skipping meals, then sleep, soon you die at your desk, but since you are always there, people assume you just come in early and leave late. After 3 days people finally take notice from the pungent smell coming from your cubicle. They give you Employee of the Month for your die-hard dedication.

I want to go hunting
 
Negative. You go hunting with the friend of thee; for bears.
Then you meet Forest Whitaker being Ghost Dog.
He shoots you on the knee and says that in ancient cultures, bears were considered equal with men.
Onhell: This ain't no ancient culture here, mister.
Ghost Dog: Sometimes it is.
Dream killed.

I would like to have a Sprite to wash this down.
 
You have sprite, but you needed it to wash down three gallons of rat poison.

I wish Onhell knew that I'm a waiter and I don't even have a cubicle.
 
Now he does, but still likes his story better and since you already died in said cubicle, no need to die again in a kitchen fire :D

I wish Russia, China and Mongolia would join forces like Voltron and be one Super Bloc.
 
They do but they end up forming the incredibly stupid "car" Voltron instead of the lions.

I wish I could form a blazing sword out of thin air.
 
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