Dream Killing Game

It does: the massagist lives happily ever after off of your corpse, which she made into a boat.



I wish I could sleep any time I wanted.
 
You do. Every time you think, "man I could use a nap right now," it happens you just pass out on the spot... at work, in school and while pleasuring your girlfriend. That leads to you failing your classes, getting fired and being dumped as well as having your wallet and shoes stolen outside the local pizzeria after being ass raped by the same bums that killed Slappy.

I wish I could get a free lunch as well.
 
I really wish I had the time to kill this properly at work....  I'm sensing something about you being at a diner, in downtown Tulsa, at a greasy spoon diner called 'Frank's Grill'.  You have a tuna melt sandwich with fries and cottage cheese.  You eat the fries and cottage cheese first, wanting to savor the sandwich last, because you enjoy it so much.  You next start eating the sandwich, get about 3/4 the way through it and notice something strange in the texture.  When you stop to spit it out and look, you recognize many fine strands mixed in with the tuna... upon further inspection you realize it was a wad of pubic hair.  When you say something to the cook, he apologizes, because he thought that meal was going to his ex-wife.  You get your lunch for free.
 
So it begins. It haunts you day and night, constantly wondering: "What would Wasted have posted? What terrible fate awaits me if I try to get a free lunch?"

Then one day your boss buys pizza for everyone. Forgetting the mortal peril which you miscall your life, you partake. Fool! The full wrath of Wasted's curse is unleashed!

Now, you're forced to think about it. The sandwich might have been intended for the ex-wife, but ... whose pubic hair did Onhell munch on? :ahhh:

The_pubic_hare0-size-600x0.jpg
 
It is, but it's only a rabbit's face attached to your pubes.

I wish comedies where the main guy always loses in the end disappear.
 
They do. An angry mob drags you out of your house, beats you with lead pipes, shoot you in the knees, tie you to the back of a pick-up and drag you to the gallows. Before they hang you, you are barely able to spatter, "What... the... fuck... is... this... all... about?" "For depriving the world of good comedies!" *SNAP*.

I wish I could play guitar.
 
You want to play guitar, but before you can learn, a Mod locks down this thread where all the information may be revealed.  So you become a Mod and unlock the thread secrets.  You spend your youth touring around exotic places like Easter Island, the largest ball of twine in Minnesota, a place where you can drive through a tree in Vancouver. Finally you find a place you always wanted to retire: a deep underground mine filled with gnomes.  You're payed in coal to play for the gnomes every day.

I wish to have a good time in NYC during Halloween.
 
You do, except Halloween got cancelled.

I wish my internet didn't disconnect every hour.
 
You don't.  Ever again.  You wake up each morning feeling peachy and full of energy.  After a few weeks of this, you start drinking earlier, because you never have any ill affects from it.  Soon,  you wake up in the morning feeling so good after drinking that you have  to drink every night to get the same euphoric feeling when waking.  Then your liver fails in a few short years and you die.  And we all have a wake to drink to your name and we wake up the following morning feeling like hell.

I wish I had cable tv.
 
You get cable TV, but realize that you just get more of the same crap channels you already had.

I wish I don't have to lift a finger to make dinner tonight.
 
I'm.....gonna bite my tongue and not say what you do hafta raise to get supper made tonite...  :innocent:

You don't lift a finger, because... you can't.  For some reason, all the right clicking on Civ V has made all your fingers temporarily numb and useless.  So, you have to use your nose to dial for Chinese take out. Better read off your card number, because you aren't writing any checks (cheques) unless you can do it with your toes.  :D

I wish my kids would clean my house...
 
Wasted CLV said:
I'm.....gonna bite my tongue and not say what you do hafta raise to get supper made tonite...  :innocent:
Click to expand...

You're prescient. :D

Wasted CLV said:
You don't lift a finger, because... you can't.  For some reason, all the right clicking on Civ V has made all your fingers temporarily numb and useless.  So, you have to use your nose to dial for Chinese take out. Better read off your card number, because you aren't writing any checks (cheques) unless you can do it with your toes.   :D
Click to expand...

Could happen.

Wasted CLV said:
I wish my kids would clean my house...
Click to expand...

One day you come home from work, tired, exhausted to a messy, very messy house.  You gather the kids around and give a long, and according to the kids "a boring" lecture on cleaning after yourselves.  This become a ritual, as nothing changes for a while, until the kids get really, really tired listening to lectures.  They learn that cleaning would take less time than listening to you, so they start to clean in order to save time.  When you come home you're delightfully surprized how clean the house truly can be.  Then you notice some of your old stuff is missing.  They've cleaned so hard that your old sports jerseys, bike memorabilia and certain "classic" magazines have been removed from the house.  Apparently, the girls thought you'd never miss "that old junk".

I wish the episode of Weeds I'll watch tonight is as entertaining as last weeks.
 
It's not, you've come to realize that watching a MILF kill yet another person and running away from the feds while smoking up on her own merch has lost it's appeal. You are so disappointed you turn to watching the Jersey Shore.

I wish the cute blond on the computer next to mine wasn't married.
 
She isn't, but it is only because the state you live in don't allow lesbians to marry  :D

I wish there was a cute blonde on the computer next to mine.
 
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