Dream Killing Game

They play it, in Athens, while you are on vacation in Greece. Unfortunately, they also do the mistake of playing it in Skopje two days before, in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. As some may know, people in FYROM like to claim that they are Alexander's ascendants. The Greeks do not approve.

Because of all this, the song starts a riot, and you are caught in the middle. Your hotel is burnt down and you get trampled down when you get in the way of the angry mob - while they are singing the line "Near to the east, in a part of ancient Greece" over and over. You end up in a Greek hospital where they amputate one of your legs. The wrong one.

I wish my PhD thesis would write itself.
 
It does, but then you choke on an olive.





...It's a slow day.


I wish I had some tuna salad.
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ooooh man, I wish I had the balls to write the first version of this dead dream, but it's too vulger.

Instead you have your tuna salad (hehe) and it tastes funny... you look at the expiration date, that's right you bought it ignoring your instinct of making your own, it is two weeks past its date. The effects are immediate, your throat swells up, your eyes bulge, pop out and you choke to death on your own vomit...
 
Your dog ate them so they put a pair of olives instead...

I wish to be fully employed by the end of the month.
 
By September 30th, you are fully employed.  By fully employed, I mean working every hour of the day for every day of the week.  Some people might get stressed by 40-hour weeks, you can complain about 168-hour weeks.

I wish I was drinking.
 
You go drinking. You can't stop, you become an alcoholic and need a liver transplant. You get one, but the new liver comes from somebody  who has been abducted by aliens and has his liver full of small alien larvae. In a few weeks, you start to feel pain in the right side of your abdomen, and suspect that your body is starting to reject the new liver as you just went off the immunosuppressants. When you are admitted to hospital, the nasty creatures break out of your abdomen, killing both you and everyone else in the room before wreaking massive havoc in the streets.

I wish I could fly a Spitfire for real.
 
It's August 15th, 1940, and you're in 11 Group. You don't come back.
I wish I could travel through time.
 
You can. You find yourself inside a Bf 110 during the Battle of Britain ... and I shoot you down before going west myself.


I wish I had a pet bear.
 
You do, and it turns out to be your real father.


I wish I had a bag full of scorpions.
 
Eddies Wingman said:
I wish I had a pet bear.
Click to expand...

As you go down in flames you collide with LC's time machine which sends you back to 1120 AD. You befriend a brown bear by sharing the fish you caught in the river earlier that morning. You both stroll through the forest, share stories, wrestle and laugh. A week later your playful banter is interrupted by the sound of charging horses. You are surrounded by the king's men! They beat you up for living in the king's forest without paying tax or rent and eating the king's fish, you are declared an OUTLAAAAW! Your new friend, Berenstain, named after your favorite series of children's books, The Berenstain Bears, jumps to your help, but is quickly subdued and chained.

You are both taken to Winchester where the annual fleece fair and market are taking place. You are put in the stocks where people through rotten tomatoes at you while your friend Berenstain is prepared for that awesome tradition that is bearbaiting. You watch from your uncomfortable position as Berenstain is forced to fight five greyhounds while being chained. He dispatches them one by one, but not without taken damage himself.

As one greyhound remains Berenstain musters all his strength, breaks the chain, eats the dog and turns his rage on the crowd. Quickly the kings men begin to shoot it with arrows as he charges the crowd in your direction trampling men, women and children without discrimination. He finally reaches you, slowly and weakly from all the blood loss. You think he has come to you as you are his only friend and you shared a wonderful week in the forest and you hope that he might actually save you by shattering the stocks. Instead once he is face to face with you he says, "This would have never happened to me if I hadn't met you... Fuck you," and he decapitates you with one brutal swipe of his paw as his last act before he collapses to his death...

I wish I had a better printer.
 
You get the best printer in the world ever made, but the ink for it costs 50 times as much as the average price of inks for other printers.

I wish Maiden would re-do the Blaze albums with Bruce on vocals.
 
You both get kicked 10 times for suggesting such a thing. That's not me responding to a dream, that's fact.
 
I didn't notice you had beaten me to the punch so here we go!

Mega said:
I wish I had a bag full of scorpions.
Click to expand...


You're walking with your bag full of scorpions rather nonchalantly when you trip on a crack in the sidewalk. As you flail your arms upwards you lose your grip on the bag and it goes flying straight up in the air. You land on your face  and break your nose while the scorpions in the bag are getting agitated from the g-force of going up and even more so from the g-force coming down. The bag turns in the air letting out all the scorpions which land on your head and shoulders (what an odd dandruff shampoo reference... ). Having been agitated they start fighting and then sting you to death.

I wish LC wasn't such a strict Mod.
 
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