Many of us believe Steve Harris chose Simon Dawson as Iron Maiden's replacement drummer. However, after an extensive genealogical investigation, I've come to a very different conclusion.
In this case, the grey cardinal - the man pulling the strings from behind the velvet curtain - is none other than Paul Bruce Dickinson himself.
Simon and Bruce share suspiciously similar surnames "-son", and that's no mere coincidence. They're clearly descendants of the same ancestral bloodline.
Therefore, those unhappy with Simon's appointment must, from this day forward, blame Bruce, this son of a... genealogy. Not Steve. In fact, the evidence even suggests Simon may have been imposed on Steve in his solo band as well, although that particular branch of the investigation remains inconclusive.
For now, I shall return to my deeply secret, highly dangerous, and utterly fascinating research.
Should I never report my findings again, assume I've been silenced by some hired Greek...
P.S. I must also point out another astonishing discovery. Bruce Dickinson and Paul Di'Anno share the same first name. This establishes an undeniable interpersonal connection between them.
The inevitable conclusion is that Steve never fired Paul Di'Anno at all. Paul orchestrated the entire affair himself so that Paul Dickinson could step into the role of Iron Maiden's vocalist.
A staggeringly complicated case, I must admit - but the evidence speaks for itself.
Steve, of course, must never learn the truth. He's afraid of the dark, which makes him remarkably easy to control through Rod and Bruce's sinister influence.
That's all for now. I've already become far too talkative and spilled far too many beans.
Until next time, my fellow Ignorants.
