The Legend of the CHEESEVIVÖR - INCORRUPTIBLE BATTALION BATTLES 5&6 (Updated 06.12.20)
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MrKnickerbocker
clap hands
Blazon Stone gets my vote, if only for the “hoy!” parts. The snare drum in Skull & Bones is a St. Anger special.
Both songs in the second match are terrible, with the worst vocal melodies and singers. I think the level of cheese here is identical, so I’ll go with Lonewolf if only because the recording quality is better.
Both songs in the second match are terrible, with the worst vocal melodies and singers. I think the level of cheese here is identical, so I’ll go with Lonewolf if only because the recording quality is better.
Black Wizard
Pleb Hunter
The Skull & Bones song from the first pairing seemed a bit more fun to me. Both songs in the second pairing are rubbish, but the first was less annoying.
This one's a proper battle! Swords are swinging, men are dying, muskets are booming!
Shmoolikipod
Stranger to the Light
Blazon Stone didn't have too much aside from the vocal harmonies in some parts and the wo oh oh ohs. Skull and Bones had some guitar quriks and an actual yo-ho-ho, and Billy in the title, easy win.
Round 2 is almost impossible. Lonewolf was pretty standard to me, and I for one didn't really mind the vocals. But that double bass placement was downright horrible. Silverbones had a fine song on paper like LC said, but the chorus (and especially "they fight") is an ear grabber. I'll go with them.
Round 2 is almost impossible. Lonewolf was pretty standard to me, and I for one didn't really mind the vocals. But that double bass placement was downright horrible. Silverbones had a fine song on paper like LC said, but the chorus (and especially "they fight") is an ear grabber. I'll go with them.
Tiebreaker required!
Stalemate. The term is stalemate.
No, it's broken
DJ James
A coma stole my name.
Blazon Stone oddly enough reminds a bit more of RAGE than Running Wild. The vocalist is definitely just a carbon copy of Rock n Rolf. Merciless Pirate King is a decent enough song. I might even revisit it if it ever gets stuck in my head at work. Skull & Bones isn't too bad either. Vocalist kinda blows though.
Blazon Stone struck me as a better, tighter band just based off those select songs. I'll give my vote to Blazon Stone.
Silverbones really ain't too bad. There's just not a lot of energy there though and the songwriting is quite boring. The production on this Lonewolf track rules. I love the guitar tone. I love the vocalist too, great Grave Digger vibes. Lonewolf is my favorite of these four.
Blazon Stone struck me as a better, tighter band just based off those select songs. I'll give my vote to Blazon Stone.
Silverbones really ain't too bad. There's just not a lot of energy there though and the songwriting is quite boring. The production on this Lonewolf track rules. I love the guitar tone. I love the vocalist too, great Grave Digger vibes. Lonewolf is my favorite of these four.
It has returned!
It's going to be Edams at dawn at this rate.
Wogmidget
Shitpost bot
I spoke too soon
UNBOWED BATTALION BATTLES 1&2
Imperivm - Rome Burns
It's not a good sign if the burning of Rome under Nero 64 CE is illustrated by the Pantheon in flames, which was completed in 126 CE. I guess it's moot to point out that the image of Nero playing his lyre as he watched Rome burn was a propaganda lie later invented by enemies of his dynasty and that historians writing closer to Nero's reign actually provide much more benign reports of his role in the fire. Oh whatever, nevermind...
Civil War - USS Monitor
I'm not an expert on the history of warfare from the US Civil War era, but I have reasoned doubts that the introduction of ironclads to the US navy caused Judgement Day. We're all still here after all, and the war raged on for four years after the USS Monitor was commissioned. Could we perhaps be overstating its importance a little?
IronSword - Servants of Steel
It wouldn't be the CHEESEVIVÖR without an awkward song set in Robert E. Howard's Conan universe now, would it? After all, if we can trust in steel, we might as well become its servants.
Solitary Sabred - The Scarlet Citadel
Let's amp up the WTF factor. The official website describes the band as follows: "Born unto battle to rule and to rage, conceived by magic and nurtured by hate, iron bound servants of the elder gods, sanctified legions preparing for war! We are also a heavy metal band from the epic island of Cyprus \m/" Perhaps one day I will also figure out how an echo slithers. But don't hold your breath.
Imperivm - Rome Burns
It's not a good sign if the burning of Rome under Nero 64 CE is illustrated by the Pantheon in flames, which was completed in 126 CE. I guess it's moot to point out that the image of Nero playing his lyre as he watched Rome burn was a propaganda lie later invented by enemies of his dynasty and that historians writing closer to Nero's reign actually provide much more benign reports of his role in the fire. Oh whatever, nevermind...
I'm not an expert on the history of warfare from the US Civil War era, but I have reasoned doubts that the introduction of ironclads to the US navy caused Judgement Day. We're all still here after all, and the war raged on for four years after the USS Monitor was commissioned. Could we perhaps be overstating its importance a little?
It wouldn't be the CHEESEVIVÖR without an awkward song set in Robert E. Howard's Conan universe now, would it? After all, if we can trust in steel, we might as well become its servants.
Let's amp up the WTF factor. The official website describes the band as follows: "Born unto battle to rule and to rage, conceived by magic and nurtured by hate, iron bound servants of the elder gods, sanctified legions preparing for war! We are also a heavy metal band from the epic island of Cyprus \m/" Perhaps one day I will also figure out how an echo slithers. But don't hold your breath.
You can't beat some dubious historical stuff in metal.
Pity that 'Imperivm' has awful rhymes and unimaginative lyrics because the music itself, whilst generic, is okay.
Civil War still has some awkward rhymes, but superbly camp things up and the music has a lot more of interest going on. They get plenty of drama in there, Sabaton-style. So Civil War get my vote.
IronSword get off to a great start with the bassline. Overall this is quite a nice metal sound, I just don't like the vocal style, or the unnecessary echo, and the vocal melody doesn't do much.
Solitary Sabred get my vote for more interesting guitar parts and campy vocals, although I don't have a clue what is going on in this song. Interested to see what else this band has up its epic Cypriot sleeve.
Pity that 'Imperivm' has awful rhymes and unimaginative lyrics because the music itself, whilst generic, is okay.
Civil War still has some awkward rhymes, but superbly camp things up and the music has a lot more of interest going on. They get plenty of drama in there, Sabaton-style. So Civil War get my vote.
IronSword get off to a great start with the bassline. Overall this is quite a nice metal sound, I just don't like the vocal style, or the unnecessary echo, and the vocal melody doesn't do much.
Solitary Sabred get my vote for more interesting guitar parts and campy vocals, although I don't have a clue what is going on in this song. Interested to see what else this band has up its epic Cypriot sleeve.
Wogmidget
Shitpost bot
Damn, I reckon this is collectively one of the weakest battalions we've had in Cheesevivor.
Imperium prove to be several orders of magnitude down on that other band that sang about The Burning of Rome in Cheesevivor. Civil War wins by default, but it helps that this is a decent enough song in its own right
Ironsword quickly settles into a stock standard power metal affair, and they do it well enough. As for Solitary Sabred . . . maybe it's the production, but for a power metal band there isn't much in the way of, well, power here. I dunno, maybe they're not sure what they really want to play.
Imperium prove to be several orders of magnitude down on that other band that sang about The Burning of Rome in Cheesevivor. Civil War wins by default, but it helps that this is a decent enough song in its own right
Ironsword quickly settles into a stock standard power metal affair, and they do it well enough. As for Solitary Sabred . . . maybe it's the production, but for a power metal band there isn't much in the way of, well, power here. I dunno, maybe they're not sure what they really want to play.
I actually like Civil War; vocalist is great. Imperivm is awful.
IronSword has the worst vocals ever. This has to be a joke.
Solitary Sabred... whatever the fuck that means... at least has more tolerable vocals, but they are also terrible.
IronSword has the worst vocals ever. This has to be a joke.
Solitary Sabred... whatever the fuck that means... at least has more tolerable vocals, but they are also terrible.
The Legacy of the Unbowed Battalion, Battle the First
Imperivum - Love that cheesy synth in the background, it's really quite bad. The vocalist is really weak, but he is trying goddamnit. Hallelujah choruses, check off that box on your cheese bingo card. I love how this lyric video was clearly made in like Windows Movie Maker. "Rome burns to breath fresh air". Oh they spell it breathe, but they pronounce it breath. That's fuckin' great. The instrumental section is pretty bland though.
Civil War - Oh that synth riff is so cheesy to start. Lots of double bass, we don't need skill here, we're just gonna hammer away. And the lyrics are pure Ilchester. Here's a problem, though - the singer is easily the worst singer I've ever heard. He sounds like his pre-singing rituals involve taking off his pants and applying a pair of vicegrips to a part of his then-revealed anatomy. He also thinks he has a higher range than normal, which is usually hilarious. Nice chorus, or it would be. Iron! Clad!
This is so fucking hard, because Imperivum has the potential to be great in the future, but they just don't quite get there. But Civil War's vocalist should be shot into the sun after being shot in the throat. I'll pick Civil War. With a decent (Italian) vocalist, Civil War would be a favourite.
The Legacy of the Unbowed Battalion, Battle the Second
IronSword - Classic 80s-sounding cheese here. A very underskilled vocalist, but at least he's trying to operate in a decent range for his potential skills. The song builds some power, though, as it rolls along. Still it feels like there should be a little bit more oomph here. Lower-midrange cheese, overall. Oh, wait, the little bridge part after the solo just kicked in, hahahaha, oh boy, that's worth an extra sword in a battle.
Solitary Sabred - Certainly the most interesting name. Is that "Sabred" like a verb, maybe? Like you were the only person struck by a sabre? I'm honestly not sure. Nice power chords, and a desperately outmatched singer who is giving his all in a very cheesy way, though let's be clear, this is no Marius Danielsen here. Really good bridge, actually, just actually a good catchy bit of the song. Overall, this one is...well, it's solid cheese. Somewhere in the average cheddar range. The "Hail hail hail!" bit is pretty cheesy, too. I agree that it feels like they should take it up a notch, but overall, this is not bad.
I'll give this battle to Solitary Sabred who get at least an extra axe in the clash due to the absurd name.
Imperivum - Love that cheesy synth in the background, it's really quite bad. The vocalist is really weak, but he is trying goddamnit. Hallelujah choruses, check off that box on your cheese bingo card. I love how this lyric video was clearly made in like Windows Movie Maker. "Rome burns to breath fresh air". Oh they spell it breathe, but they pronounce it breath. That's fuckin' great. The instrumental section is pretty bland though.
Civil War - Oh that synth riff is so cheesy to start. Lots of double bass, we don't need skill here, we're just gonna hammer away. And the lyrics are pure Ilchester. Here's a problem, though - the singer is easily the worst singer I've ever heard. He sounds like his pre-singing rituals involve taking off his pants and applying a pair of vicegrips to a part of his then-revealed anatomy. He also thinks he has a higher range than normal, which is usually hilarious. Nice chorus, or it would be. Iron! Clad!
What is actually wrong with you?
This is so fucking hard, because Imperivum has the potential to be great in the future, but they just don't quite get there. But Civil War's vocalist should be shot into the sun after being shot in the throat. I'll pick Civil War. With a decent (Italian) vocalist, Civil War would be a favourite.
The Legacy of the Unbowed Battalion, Battle the Second
IronSword - Classic 80s-sounding cheese here. A very underskilled vocalist, but at least he's trying to operate in a decent range for his potential skills. The song builds some power, though, as it rolls along. Still it feels like there should be a little bit more oomph here. Lower-midrange cheese, overall. Oh, wait, the little bridge part after the solo just kicked in, hahahaha, oh boy, that's worth an extra sword in a battle.
Solitary Sabred - Certainly the most interesting name. Is that "Sabred" like a verb, maybe? Like you were the only person struck by a sabre? I'm honestly not sure. Nice power chords, and a desperately outmatched singer who is giving his all in a very cheesy way, though let's be clear, this is no Marius Danielsen here. Really good bridge, actually, just actually a good catchy bit of the song. Overall, this one is...well, it's solid cheese. Somewhere in the average cheddar range. The "Hail hail hail!" bit is pretty cheesy, too. I agree that it feels like they should take it up a notch, but overall, this is not bad.
I'll give this battle to Solitary Sabred who get at least an extra axe in the clash due to the absurd name.
Diesel 11
As you scream into the web of silence...
Battle 1:
Imperivm had kinda lame vocals but I actually enjoyed the chorus and the instrumental section was decent. Civil War on the other hand... fuck me, that vocalist sounded like shit. Voting for Imperivm.
Battle 2:
IronSword had some cool music, but another bad vocalist. Solitary Sabred had a fun song and the best vocalist in both of these battles, so I’m voting for them.
Imperivm had kinda lame vocals but I actually enjoyed the chorus and the instrumental section was decent. Civil War on the other hand... fuck me, that vocalist sounded like shit. Voting for Imperivm.
Battle 2:
IronSword had some cool music, but another bad vocalist. Solitary Sabred had a fun song and the best vocalist in both of these battles, so I’m voting for them.