Aw, they're great. I'm tempted to visit some of their other material, but no doubt that'll be in future rounds of this game. I don't want to spoil things.
The Legend of the CHEESEVIVÖR - INCORRUPTIBLE BATTALION BATTLES 5&6 (Updated 06.12.20)
- Thread starter Perun
- Start date
Shmoolikipod
Stranger to the Light
Beast in Black
This is great. Everything I want in cheese is here. Intro melody that explodes with the trumpets. (forgive my lack of knowing instruments
). Preparing for the fight verses. Bombastic chorus with key words "love, hate, heart, blade". Epic shriek at the end, and to top it of, they're kinda good! Bonus point for the singer drumming before the first chorus, Deep Sun will have to be impressive.
Deep Sun
Sci-fi intro... And they really went for a heavier approach than the Beast. The verses are so-so, this riff is fine but listen, no way this is better than Beast in Black. The chorus gets a "meh/10" from me, and the catchphrase of WORSHIP THE WARSHIP. WORSHIP THE WARSHIP. Isn't nearly as cheesy as it needs to be to get the win here. Easy win for Beast in Black.
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Wind Rose
It's lowkey cheating using Diggy Diggy Hole, but whatever. The dwarf feel definitely goes beyond "I am a dwarf". Good work overall, I honestly wouldn't expect a metal version of this song to be anything other than this.
Wolfpakk
My god, that is so fucking cheesy. Just when I thought you can't do better than listing levels at each line, they bust out this stupid chorus, with closeups of their mouths. This song gave me a good laugh, good cheese, although the chorus can be too repetitive.
I think I was wrong when I said Wind Rose are cheating, they actually handicapped themselves with this song. I guess cheese isn't as tasty eaten twice... So Wolfpakk.
Edit: Almost forgot here is your new profile picture:
This is great. Everything I want in cheese is here. Intro melody that explodes with the trumpets. (forgive my lack of knowing instruments
). Preparing for the fight verses. Bombastic chorus with key words "love, hate, heart, blade". Epic shriek at the end, and to top it of, they're kinda good! Bonus point for the singer drumming before the first chorus, Deep Sun will have to be impressive.Deep Sun
Sci-fi intro... And they really went for a heavier approach than the Beast. The verses are so-so, this riff is fine but listen, no way this is better than Beast in Black. The chorus gets a "meh/10" from me, and the catchphrase of WORSHIP THE WARSHIP. WORSHIP THE WARSHIP. Isn't nearly as cheesy as it needs to be to get the win here. Easy win for Beast in Black.
--
Wind Rose
It's lowkey cheating using Diggy Diggy Hole, but whatever. The dwarf feel definitely goes beyond "I am a dwarf". Good work overall, I honestly wouldn't expect a metal version of this song to be anything other than this.
Wolfpakk
My god, that is so fucking cheesy. Just when I thought you can't do better than listing levels at each line, they bust out this stupid chorus, with closeups of their mouths. This song gave me a good laugh, good cheese, although the chorus can be too repetitive.
I think I was wrong when I said Wind Rose are cheating, they actually handicapped themselves with this song. I guess cheese isn't as tasty eaten twice... So Wolfpakk.
Edit: Almost forgot here is your new profile picture:
Diggy Diggy Hole is a cover.
Kalata
Out of the Silent Planet
What make you think that ?
Beast In Black are a great band. I like them and that song ''Die By The Blade'' is awesome.
The other bands are.... well, the less is said about them, the better.
MrKnickerbocker
clap hands
Beast In Black is pretty great and definitely the preferable cheese in Round 1. For those who don’t know, they are basically Battle Beast with a male singer. Deep Sun is just bad.
I didn’t think it was possible to find something cheesier than Diggy Diggy Hole, but holy fuckballs that Wolkpakk video is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen. Clearly a bunch of aging dudes trying to make a “cool, slick modern video about technology” and pulling it off with the grace of your old nan. Needless to say, Wind Rose is more my blend of cheese. I’m curious to see what these guys do besides this tune.
I didn’t think it was possible to find something cheesier than Diggy Diggy Hole, but holy fuckballs that Wolkpakk video is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen. Clearly a bunch of aging dudes trying to make a “cool, slick modern video about technology” and pulling it off with the grace of your old nan. Needless to say, Wind Rose is more my blend of cheese. I’m curious to see what these guys do besides this tune.
My old nan had more grace than this.
Black Wizard
Pleb Hunter
The Deep Sun song was pretty rubbish. The kind of thing that ends up on my Spotify Release Radar playlist because I listen to Delain, but is just super generic and rubbish. Who actually listens to this band?
The Wolfpakk song was pretty average, but the video was incredibly awkward. I don't understand what the link was to the song.
Beast in Black, while being very cheesey, are also pretty good. I enjoyed their album from last year and they were a decent support band for Nightwish at the end of 2018. They have one song where they get some of these crazy fake glasses out:
The Wind Rose song is very silly and catchy of course. I listened to their latest album a few times last year and it was a bit rubbish.
The Wolfpakk song was pretty average, but the video was incredibly awkward. I don't understand what the link was to the song.
Beast in Black, while being very cheesey, are also pretty good. I enjoyed their album from last year and they were a decent support band for Nightwish at the end of 2018. They have one song where they get some of these crazy fake glasses out:
The Wind Rose song is very silly and catchy of course. I listened to their latest album a few times last year and it was a bit rubbish.
Kalata
Out of the Silent Planet
I don't like any of the other bands.
Black Wizard
Pleb Hunter
Vote for which is the most cheesey.
DJ James
A coma stole my name.
Voted for Deep Sun and Wolfpakk. That Deep Sun song was surprisingly enjoyable and I thought the the lead vocalist was delightful. Definitely gonna be revisiting that song in the near future. Pretty good atmosphere in that song too. Wind Rose and Wolfpakk were both varying degrees of insufferable but I made it farther into that Wolfpakk song than I did with the Wind Rose one.
Blazon Stone - Merciless Pirate King
Graduates of the Rock 'n' Rolf Memorial Academy of Pirate Metal, Blazon Stone set sail to show the world just how merciless a pirate king can be. I sure wouldn't want to meet these guys on a dark shipping lane.
Skull & Bones (Naufragant) - Chest of Billy Bones
These guys used to be known as Skull & Bones before changing their name to the more original, but less comprehensible Naufragant moniker. I'm wondering if it's because they want to avoid being associated with a Brazilian band of the same name which has, let's say a rather different approach to their music.
Silverbones - Queen Anne's Revenge
Ever wondered what Running Wild would sound like if they were Italian? Well, wonder no more mateys! Italian exploitation metal goes full circle by pirating from a pirate band.
Lonewolf - Through Fire, Ice and Blood
Finally, we are treated to the highly original approach of answering the question what Running Wild would sound like if they were headed by Chris Boltendahl and had choruses that overstayed their welcome. Not that there is much of an improvement in the grammar section, mind.
All these bands kinda blend into one, quality wise.
Blazon Stone were catchier than Skull & Bones, and Lonewolf had super shitty vocals though.
Blazon Stone were catchier than Skull & Bones, and Lonewolf had super shitty vocals though.
You're missing the point. You're not voting for bands you like...you're voting for bands that are the silliest, or dumbest, or the one that makes you roll your eyes, if they can't make you pump your fists.
Battle 1
Blazon Stone - it's fast, for sure. The pre-chorus has a little bit of nice cheese in it, but the best cheese comes every time the overtasked lead singer tries to hit a note that God decided, long ago, that he'd never be able to hit. Chorus is designed to be a singalong but you can see a crowd trying to sing along and missing the timing. There's bad decisions through this one, for sure. Regretfully the speedy riffs don't allow for much musical variation. This one doesn't breathe until we hit the slow part in the instrumental, for a terrible ohhh-along. But good cheese needs to breathe more than this.
Skull & Bones (Naufragant) - this hearkens back to more of a classic 80s cheese sound, rather than a speed metal 80s sound, which is a good sign for cheese. It goes with the overmatched vocalist approach, an approach that can earn victories in the Cheesevivör, but probably can't earn the Cheeseswörd of Victory. Still, I think this one at least has a bit of time to suck you into the terribleness, to let you slip deeper into the stench of poignant curd-based aromas. That end "wail" is quite terrible, too!
Skull & Bones (Naufragant).
Battle 2
Silverbones is starting off with a good bit of cheese, with a stolen riff and some aggressive double bass to let you know how heavy they are. This should be renamed the Overmatched Vocalist Battalion, though. This is probably the best song in this battalion in terms of song construction, but the execution is pretty poor. The Queen Anne's Revenge singalong is decently cheesy, though. Instrumental is decent with a couple of alright solos. You get the feeling that with a better producer and vocalist, this band could actually go somewhere. But they're Italian, so it's not gonna happen, is it? My head was bobbing along by the end.
Lonewolf concerns me, because their name doesn't clearly indicate a pirate metal band and I thought we had a theme going here. Cheesy little opening riff, but the lyrics are...wow, notably bad. Which is too bad, because those power chords are probably the most cheesy guitar in this set of battles. They've got hallelujah choruses, too, though maybe they're more Gregorian choruses? The instrumental section is a little pedestrian compared to what I was expecting, they could have made up some ground by tossing in some melted Velveeta, but they seem to have missed the opportunity.
Silverbones.
Conclusion: This is a weaker battalion, with no clear contenders to the throne. If I had to guess, Silverbones has a good chance of coming out on top, and Lonewolf will likely be slain in its pathetic attempt to bring claw against the three cutlass wielders in this set.
Blazon Stone - it's fast, for sure. The pre-chorus has a little bit of nice cheese in it, but the best cheese comes every time the overtasked lead singer tries to hit a note that God decided, long ago, that he'd never be able to hit. Chorus is designed to be a singalong but you can see a crowd trying to sing along and missing the timing. There's bad decisions through this one, for sure. Regretfully the speedy riffs don't allow for much musical variation. This one doesn't breathe until we hit the slow part in the instrumental, for a terrible ohhh-along. But good cheese needs to breathe more than this.
Skull & Bones (Naufragant) - this hearkens back to more of a classic 80s cheese sound, rather than a speed metal 80s sound, which is a good sign for cheese. It goes with the overmatched vocalist approach, an approach that can earn victories in the Cheesevivör, but probably can't earn the Cheeseswörd of Victory. Still, I think this one at least has a bit of time to suck you into the terribleness, to let you slip deeper into the stench of poignant curd-based aromas. That end "wail" is quite terrible, too!
Skull & Bones (Naufragant).
Battle 2
Silverbones is starting off with a good bit of cheese, with a stolen riff and some aggressive double bass to let you know how heavy they are. This should be renamed the Overmatched Vocalist Battalion, though. This is probably the best song in this battalion in terms of song construction, but the execution is pretty poor. The Queen Anne's Revenge singalong is decently cheesy, though. Instrumental is decent with a couple of alright solos. You get the feeling that with a better producer and vocalist, this band could actually go somewhere. But they're Italian, so it's not gonna happen, is it? My head was bobbing along by the end.
Lonewolf concerns me, because their name doesn't clearly indicate a pirate metal band and I thought we had a theme going here. Cheesy little opening riff, but the lyrics are...wow, notably bad. Which is too bad, because those power chords are probably the most cheesy guitar in this set of battles. They've got hallelujah choruses, too, though maybe they're more Gregorian choruses? The instrumental section is a little pedestrian compared to what I was expecting, they could have made up some ground by tossing in some melted Velveeta, but they seem to have missed the opportunity.
Silverbones.
Conclusion: This is a weaker battalion, with no clear contenders to the throne. If I had to guess, Silverbones has a good chance of coming out on top, and Lonewolf will likely be slain in its pathetic attempt to bring claw against the three cutlass wielders in this set.
Diesel 11
As you scream into the web of silence...
Battle 1:
Blazon Stone was just a hell of a good time. From that chant of “Merciless! Merciless! Pirate King!” to the sing along section towards the end, I was just bobbing along. Good shit.
Skull & Bones / Naufragant pales in comparison. Easy vote for Blazon Stone.
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Battle 2:
Honestly neither of these were particularly fun but Lonewolf beats out Silverbones because their song is pumpier and has a grandiosely stupid chorus. Lonewolf.
Blazon Stone was just a hell of a good time. From that chant of “Merciless! Merciless! Pirate King!” to the sing along section towards the end, I was just bobbing along. Good shit.
Skull & Bones / Naufragant pales in comparison. Easy vote for Blazon Stone.
————
Battle 2:
Honestly neither of these were particularly fun but Lonewolf beats out Silverbones because their song is pumpier and has a grandiosely stupid chorus. Lonewolf.
KidInTheDark666
What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine too
Heck, all of these sound the same. Silverbones are probably the strongest of the bunch.
I like my pirate metal to have a nod to folk or sea shanty stuff, not just be *about* pirates. It's got to sound a bit nautical in some way.
Blazon Stone didn't have anything much memorable except the brief whoa-oh singalong. Skull & Bones did better in this respect, with a riff that could pass for folk inspired and even managed a yo ho ho, so pirate points go to them.
Silverbones do okay with some catchy guitar parts, although the vocals and lyrics are clumsy as heck and let the whole song down. Lonewolf were decidedly a lot more fun, with very nice guitar parts. Not as much fun as a diggy hole, naturally, but the best effort of this round.
Blazon Stone didn't have anything much memorable except the brief whoa-oh singalong. Skull & Bones did better in this respect, with a riff that could pass for folk inspired and even managed a yo ho ho, so pirate points go to them.
Silverbones do okay with some catchy guitar parts, although the vocals and lyrics are clumsy as heck and let the whole song down. Lonewolf were decidedly a lot more fun, with very nice guitar parts. Not as much fun as a diggy hole, naturally, but the best effort of this round.