Post your own lyrics

The Flash said:
Does my way of saying "original" somehow come off different to you guys?
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Yes, I think your standards for originality are too high. Most music copies from previous music. You seem to be saying that any copying at all makes it unoriginal. It's almost impossible for musicians to avoid influence from our heroes.

The Flash said:
If he's trying to emulate Peter Gabriel's style, he's not original, no matter how his ideas are.
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Not at all true. The problem is that he just went too far. Emulating is fine, imitating is something else. Stardust seemed to be directly imitating a song like Epping Forest, and he even quotes Gabriel.

Want to see someone channel Peter Gabriel and still be original? Dream Theater's "Solitary Shell" is a deliberate nod to "Solsbury Hill".

I think Stardust has shown plenty of originality. His main problem is execution, not conception - a matter of technique, not originality.
 
SinisterMinisterX said:
Want to see someone channel Peter Gabriel and still be original? Dream Theater's "Solitary Shell" is a deliberate nod to "Solsbury Hill".
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Dream Theater is a great example of this. There are countless examples of Dream Theater paying homage to other bands/songs but they do a good job still sounding like Dream Theater.
 
SinisterMinisterX said:
Yes, I think your standards for originality are too high. Most music copies from previous music. You seem to be saying that any copying at all makes it unoriginal. It's almost impossible for musicians to avoid influence from our heroes.
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And that's where you didn't understand my point. I mentioned a couple of posts before that originality isn't simply about ideas. The way you shape them and present them play a part as well. If you have original ideas but rip off the shapes and presentation, you're not original.

I never said that you can't be influenced. Influences, paying homages are entirely different things than ripping someone's style off entirely. You're confusing the words "original" with "unique". I never said Stardust needs to be unique and do something that has never been done before. He simply needs his own way of doing this.

SinisterMinisterX said:
I think Stardust has shown plenty of originality. His main problem is execution, not conception - a matter of technique, not originality.
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If you seriously think that there's no originality that goes into technique, this debate is pointless. That's just a ridiculous statement.

Mosh said:
Dream Theater is a great example of this. There are countless examples of Dream Theater paying homage to other bands/songs but they do a good job still sounding like Dream Theater.
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I have no idea how you guys dragged this argument to this place. Yeah, DT are original because they sound like something else even though they pay homages and have influences. That's EXACTLY my point. Stardust sounds like a cheap Peter Gabriel imitation. If he gets his creative ideas, puts in some of his influences and adds his own twist to it, he'll sound like Stardust.

Mosh said:
I think you missed my point. Stardust should definitely work on finding his voice and I made a suggestion to go about doing so. However, I don't think this should be his main concern just yet. I think writing more musical lyrics is much more fundamental, since a lyric is going to be useless if you can't apply it to music, no matter how original it is. Once he has that down, he can work on finding his own voice and -like I mentioned in my first post- learn how to implement his influences while still being original.

The question of what is original and what is not would be an entirely different debate I think. One I'm willing to have but I don't know if it's too much of a tangent in this topic.
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I never said being original was the only thing he needed to do. Do I have to list everything he needs to do?
 
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Progession (lyrics)

Nobody is perfect
That's a fact that everybody knows
We live in a world where it always snows
Cold air everywhere
Because everyone's a critic

When you reached your goal, it's time to move on
Every mistake is to be forgotten
Lay everything to rest and take a new step
Everything's forgotten, you gotta move on

Even if loved ones die, you gotta move on
If you live with the pain
You won't be able to live peacefully
It might be hard but try to forget
Everything will be better that way

When you reached your goal, it's time to move on
Every mistake is to be forgotten
Lay everything to rest and take a new step
Everything's forgotten, you gotta move on

Yeah, everything's forgotten
You gotta move on
Yeah, yeah, everything's forgotten, yeah
You gotta move on

(instrumental section)

When everything's said and done
You don't have to stay
All you have to say
"Everyone, you gotta move on"
You can't achieve anymore in this world
It's time to move on

When you reached your goal, it's time to move on
Every mistake is to be forgotten
Lay everything to rest and take a new step
Everything's forgotten, you gotta move on

Yeah, you gotta move on
Gotta move on
Everything's forgotten
Yeah, you gotta move on
Move on
Move on
Move on
Yeah yeah YEAH YEAH, YOU GOTTA MOVE ON!
You gotta move on...

(fadeout)

So, I wrote this song before I read all this so it may still have some problems, one of them being that there's next to none rhymes in the song. I tried guys, I tried. Even though I might not be all that great at lyrics, I'm trying!
I'm still 14 years old, goddamnit!
Anyway...I have a clear melody in my head for this song.
 
@Stardust, you may not have rhyming couplets, but there are plenty of rhymes and repetition of syllables and words throughout the song. I think they work really well, and make the song less predictable than if you'd just had rhyming couplet after rhyming couplet. In my head, it sounded like a lyric that could be half-sung/half-rapped over a melody. You need to get a band together and try it out! I like the message of the song too.
 
Stardust said:
there's next to none rhymes in the song. I tried guys, I tried.
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Here's your new best friend.

This lyric is far more musical than your last. "Everything's forgotten, you gotta move on" is a line with good musical potential. You've got two 3-syllable words that combine into 3 trochaic feet: EV-ry THINGS-for GOT-ten. You've found a lyrical hemiola. Great line to end a chorus.

As for the actual words themselves, I have two problems. The repeated line "Every mistake is to be forgotten" isn't a good idea. A person who forgets their mistakes doesn't learn from them; I hear that line as praising ignorance.

Second, I think the song is unfocused. "Everyone's a critic", "If loved ones die", "When everything's said and done" ... I'd recommend taking one specific situation and going deeply into it, or writing universally from the start. The constantly changing focus of the lyrics feels like riding in a car with a lost driver.

But those last two things, you need to consider carefully. They come from my interpretation. It's your lyric. If I'm wrong and I just don't get it, cool... But focus is a good idea. "The Trooper" never gets out of the soldier's head.

Stardust said:
Because everyone's a critic
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A jab at me and others? Fuckin' awesome. Maybe we got you to write something you actually feel. :nana:

How about making your next song a "go fuck yourself SMX" song? I obviously know everything, so it's about damn time you told me to shut the fuck up. :smartarse:
 
I've started a new set of lyrics, I'm trying to improve my writing skills.

Silence surrounds me.
I fail to think out loud.
Why can't anybody see?
I'm grasping to be free.


Standing on the outside
Just watching the world go by.
In myself, I shall hide.
Communication... Running dry.
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:)
 
Nice ABAB rhyme on the second one. I don't know if this was your intention, but I hear the first line in each stanza as a three-beat line and the others as a four-beat line. Some interesting melodic possibilities there. Or, you have room for another word or two in those opening lines if you like.
 
All Alone (lyrics)

I love her dearly, she's the one for me
She came every day to be
My one and only friend

So I took her on a date
We went to a cafe
Our love was in such a state
I was going to give her the ring

That's when it all ended...

The waitress gave me my drink
I took a sip and then the world turned upside down
I wasn't able to think
I heard her worried voice
But life gave me no choice
And all faded to black

She came to me every day to be
The only one for me
I couldn't see or hear herbut I knew she was there for me

That's when it all ended, once again

Three years had passed since that fateful day
Suddenly I heard someone say
And I could open my eyes
I raised my hopes
She had come again
But it wasn't her

I left the hospital, heading for her home
When I arrived, only her mother was home
She told me the truth

She had been in a car crash
She wouldn't come back
I was poisoned that day at the cafe
And now three years later, I woke up all alone

I'm sorry if this one isn't that great. I tried something new. But hey, what can you do if you don't know anything about how to write one of these sorts of songs? Hope you enjoy anyway.
 
Moonstruck Blossom Part 1 ~ Distant Traces Of Beauty (lyrics)

The picture of the angel still sits on my wall
As I struggle out of bed, the silence swallows me again
And brings me back to my dream
An inner state of primal fear, a fragile hope
Gone is the days of freedom
Gone is the days when I can see them
The rays of light flutter still
But not for me, they've wandered into darkness

If this is my fate, then I gladly accept it
No more freedom, and no more awakening
I'm stuck here without a shining light to guide me

Emotion, willpower and knowledge
I want to find the truth about who I am

Emotion...

Is it sadness?
Is it happiness?
Is it anger or is it all gone?
I don't know a thing about anything

Willpower...

I want to get out! I need my freedom
And that's when I saw her
An angel sitting on my shoulder
Saying that I should never give up
But when there's an angel, there's always an devil
On my other shoulder...

Anger...

The devil gives me a glare and cackles
He says I should give up
That nobody loves me, back there, outside of the dream
I don't know who to trust anymore
Is it the angel or the devil

"Carry on, you should never give up. If you give up then everything will have been for nothing"
"You should give up, nobody would care if you were gone"

And then the voices combined
"You should listen to your heart, hear what it says and follow it to the end"
Oh, what should I do?

I did it...I murdered someone else
The guilt is strong and my heart is bleeding
Why did I do that?
I...need to hide this

But everytime I close my eyes, all the guilt comes back with a sinister smile
It watches me...and it laughs at me...
Someone, make the nightmare stop

But there is a hope for me, I can finally see the light
I climbed up a vine...and I was out
There I saw it...a flower just sitting there in the darkness
When I picked it up...the world brightened
Moonstruck blossom, I have found it

As the devil vanishes from my shoulder...the angel vanishes too
And as the flower shows her face on the petals
I knew I had to go on

Phew! This one took a long time. Can't say I'm too impressed with the outcome. Well, what do you guys think?
 
Triangle "The Eye In The Sky" (lyrics)

One day they came to our home
They all had the same mark on their arm
They said they meant no harm
But one look at their eyes proved them wrong

Under their control, we remained silent and unable to do what we wanted
Everyone now had their mark
The world was no longer the same
When they found a man to blame
They called the whole town
And then they ended the man's name
In front of us all

"Power is everything"
That's what they said
They had power and control
No one could escape
But everyone kept silent
In fear of them

In the midst of loneliness, a hero will rise
He will save us all
From everything they did
He will give us freedom
A new chance at life

So when the day finally came, they fought with all their might
And they all went away quickly
And we hailed the hero as our king and saviour

No longer would the triangles rule but everyone got their chance

Heh. This one was really fun to write.
 
Perun said:
Dicktionary Blues
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Alright. I'll do it.

This song is worser than the worst of the worst
In a quick burst
A team of people will check your grammar
And be posh idiots about it

The miracle never happen
"Bad grammar!!! You suck! My grammar is gooder than yours!"

Sometimes they contradict themselves...as you can see
Sometimes they have worser grammar than a bee!

"Can someone please help me with my life. I am considering committing suiciding".
"Lol! Nobody cares! Why? You have terrible grammar! HAHAHA!"

And the legacy of the big G's continue

Yeah, the big G!
Big G!
Not Genesis...

Um...hi?
 
Set In Stone (lyrics)

Give them a second, just for now
Don't take them away, just one more time
He may have called you but anyhow
You shouldn't listen to him, you are all in your prime

For the time being, you win
At least for now
But alas, the disappearance of your grin
And none of us may have to bow
To you

It has started...now

If a light has shined, then he will take it away
And when no one knows, he manipulates you
If you try to run, you can't, there's no way
To escape from this place, there's nothing you can do

For the time being, you win
At least for now
But alas, the disappearance of your grin
And none of us will have to bow
To you

Join us now...for you will see

And their spirits were turned to stone
And their eyes could no longer see
For their flesh and bone
They longer mattered as if they never existed, how could this be?

Gone were the times of the free
Now only exists the dark, shrouded mist
Oh, we can show you, for now you will see
What has become of this world, and you can't resist

The light's opening has closed and the night appeared
And the one who everybody feared
He looked around with a gaze of the weird
Yet he wandered gracefully, almost like the leader of a herd
All seemed hopeless as he had heard of our herd
And he banished us...forever
And no word would be heard from us
And their memories would be more than just blurred
Gone...

For the time being, you win
At least for now
But alas, the disappearance of your grin
And none of us will have to bow
To you

And their spirits were turned to stone
And their eyes could no longer see
For their flesh and bone
They longer mattered as if they never existed, how could this be?

But a raven has flown, out of the darkness
"There will be one", he said to the starless

"Quoth the raven...nevermore.............."

Wow, this must be my best work yet! Still not fully impressed but I can't find anything to fix in it so I guess it's done.

Now, tell me, what do you think about this one? I worked harder than ever on this.
 
Triple Deluxe (I. High In The Sky, II. Layers Upon Layers, III. The Pyramid's Eye, IV. Hypernova, V. Eternal Dreamland, VI. F.L.O.W.E.R.E.D) (lyrics)


I. High Up In The Sky

One night, it all began with a earthquake
And suddenly, vines appeared out of the ground, and it began to take
My house, high in the sky, it went, I wondered where
I couldn't tell, for nothing was clear

When I awoke, I could see clouds outside my window
And I saw nothing but sky, down below
I opened the door and went outside
But I suddenly fell, through the clouds and I landed on my side

I was on a beanstalk and I...I could see
A castle just hanging on another beanstalk, how could that be?
I went up to it, when I saw a spider-like creature heading in
I followed it in, the castle was dusty, like no one had been

In the castle, and in it, stood a king and his minions...

But the creature took out the king's minions with ease
And the king watched in shock, his trained minions were a breeze
For the creature, and it trapped the king in a bubble
And it took him away, breaking the roof, making rubble
Fall from the ceiling and the place began to tumble
And I ran outside where I saw the creature fly away, away from the trouble

I decided I needed to save the king, so I ran after on a nearby beanstalk
It took me up to a island filled with floral gardens and a huge hill in the background
I tried to communicate with the creatures living there, but they could not talk
I thought to myself; "There's no way around"

"I gotta find a way to that hill!"

II. Layers Upon Layers

I soon found out, that I could travel to other layers
By touching a small star, I could travel to the other side
I took them with me, choosing them like relayers
Using them when I needed, some I put aside

I eventually made it to the huge hill
And I saw a big shiny sun-shaped stone
So I took it, out of my will
Maybe it was stealing, but a beanstalk appeared upon
Me, so I continued upward onto another island

Floral plains...

This island was filled with food-shaped hills and cake trains
The land of the eternal sugar rush, how could someone go wrong?
And I heard from a talking creature that when it rains
It rains chocolate, sounded cool but it wouldn't take long
Until someone got bored and left

Lollipop land...

I eventually got the Sun Stone as I started to call it, I headed up the newly appeared beanstalk
When I arrived at the next island, I was struck by a colour not seen in these times
All I could see was old mountains and old monuments, I could not even talk
All the old scrolls just hanging on all the walls, I could bet dollars to dimes
That they were several centuries long, looked amazing as I began to walk

But I didn't find the Sun Stone, no matter how hard I tried
Then I thought to go out of town, and what I saw, I couldn't see coming
It was snow...everything was covered in snow, it was so cold I cried
But I needed to make it through, and I prepared myself for the forthcoming

Snowflakes powdered me everywhere I went
I needed to find that Sun Stone, I couldn't stay here
I eventually came to it but it was frozen and I could not make a dent
I tried everything but my strength was weakened by the air

But I found it, somehow, a flamethrower just lying there
It didn't make any sense, maybe this was a stroke of luck
But I used it to burn the ice and I took the Sun Stone floating before me in the cold winter air
And I took the beanstalk out of the cold as fast as possible, due to a snowstorm incoming, I couldn't get stuck, not here, I had to get all of the Sun Stones, I had to get out before it struck

Old odyssey...

III. The Pyramid's Eye

I came out of the cold, and I came to a hill
I was looking at a massive jungle with trees so high, if you fell, it could kill
So I carefully made my way through the jungle hoping to find at least something
And something I found, a pyramid stood there and I was shocked, I did not see that coming

So I went in and behind me, the door closed and I was stuck inside
And outside, an eye began to glow on the outer center of the pyramid, I was eyed, time to hide!

So I made it through and I came to a glass tunnel over a canyon
I started to walk to the other side but I heard a crumble
And the glass tunnel crumbled and I began to tumble as I was gone
Gone from the island, I fell down towards the earth, and I began to mumble
"Of course I never made it...I was done for, right from the getgo!"

IV. Hypernova

I opened my eyes and I was in a white land
I could see nothing but white, ugh, this, I could not stand
But soon...soon I saw a light
It was bright, brighter than the lightest of light

And a sword appeared and I heard a voice...

"This magical sword can absorb the spirit of your enemies and then blast it back to them with a single swing"
And if that was true, it'd be amazing and it was, this, I should bring
"I will give you a second chance"
And I needed that chance, as I came out of my trance

And I was back!
And I blasted through the pyramid
Using the sword that I had got
Using it's powers to make way

And I got the last two Sun Stones

Wild world...endless explosions...

It was time...for the final island, the villain's island...

Royal road...

I made it there alright
And a light was shining bright
On top of a tower
Using my power
I blasted through the fortress
And I defeated the darkness
I made it to the villain's tower
And he was there and the king started to cower

So I battled the villain
And I defeated him
But he rose again and again
Until I finally defeated him

Everything was over or so it seemed...

V. Eternal Dreamland

And he called upon their queen
And in the place he had just been
A "bee'autiful queen appeared
And he had mysteriously disappeared

The time had finally come, it was time to end this once and for all!

She used all kinds of weapons against me
I threw them all back at her, but she kept deflecting them
I got forced onto a platform shaped like a diamond and I could see
The sky darkening, the night had begun

But then it happened, she knocked my sword off the platform and down towards the ground
My eyes widened, now what was I supposed to do?
I backed away from her, and I couldn't make even a single sound
And then she was laughing too

But then it happened, I heard that voice again
My eyes widened, how could it talk to me here?
I quietly listened to the voice, as I struggled to dodge five energy balls, multiplied by ten
"You shouldn't give up, now here you go" The voice said as I saw the sword appearing in the air

I grabbed it and I struck back a blow at her
She showed signs of being hurt...

But then she disappeared
But then she reappeared

She was there, in the horizon
I watched her become a flower
All signs of pain was gone
Now all she was...it was beauty with the immense power

To destroy me and everything and everything we ever knew...

I had to stop her!

Floral plains...
Lollipop land!
Old odyssey!
Wild world!
Endless explosions!
Royal road

And now...Eternal Dreamland

VI. F.L.O.W.E.R.E.D

I made my way to her
I had to turn
Incoming energy balls was fired from there
But I had energy to burn

Moonstruck blossom, she was
How she turned evil, I could not think of a cause
But every evil needs to be defeated
An cliche, yes but a cliche that should be repeated

After all, true beauty didn't exist
And she needs her eternal beauty sleep!

.......I have no words.

Except that "beeautiful" is NOT actually a typo but it's actually a pun. Get it?
 
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