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Feeding The Fire

I remember your touch
All the times we shared together
But now you're gone
I should have been the one in that car, not you
I look at the blue sky, and I know you are watching me from there
You gave me the only pleasure I have ever have in my life
So when you passed away, I ran away

I've come a long way since then, and when I look in the mirror
I see a old man, staring back at me
And a tear dribbles down his cheek
Yes, I still remember you, because I would never forget
I've been seeing you, in the skies for a while now
But that's just my sadness doing that
And when I remember you,
I know I'm just feeding the fire

I stand on the edge, looking down the ravine
I know you wouldn't like me doing this
I know you would rather have me live a happy life
And die of old age, not this
But I already made my choice
Time to take a jump

I know you're gonna be upset at me
But I can't live without your loving arms
When I imagine what's gonna happen next,
I know I'm just feeding the fire

I'm just feeding the fire
Feeding the fire

I'm entering the door...
But when I imagine what's gonna happen next,
I know I'm just feeding the fire

 
I actually kinda like the premise of this one, the repeat of "feeding the fire" but it doesn't feel like lyrics to me. It feels more like poetry, maybe beat poetry, than lyrics.
 
Perfect

My friends tell me they're perfect
They say they can't do anything wrong
They always tell me to put on some other clothes
Because they tell me that all I wear, how I look, looks too different

They say:
"Look, if you wanna be popular, you gotta wear and look just like all the others"
Then I walk towards them
And I tell them

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are
But nobody listens to me

They laugh at me, tell me that all I say is wrong
They tell me:
"Are you stupid or what? You're never gonna go far in life, if you wanna be different"
"YOU are never gonna go far in life, because with your attitude, nobody will ever like you"

If anybody says you don't belong here, because you look different
Say this to them

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are

The way they are
The way they are
The way they are
The way they are

Everybody is perfect the way they are

The way they are
The way they are
The way they are
The way they are

Everybody is perfect the way they are

If anybody says you don't belong here, because you look different
Say this to them

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are

But nobody is actually perfect...
 
Stardust said:
Perfect

My friends tell me they're perfect
They say they can't do anything wrong
They always tell me to put on some other clothes
Because they tell me that all I wear, how I look, looks too different

They say:
"Look, if you wanna be popular, you gotta wear and look just like all the others"
Then I walk towards them
And I tell them

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are
But nobody listens to me

They laugh at me, tell me that all I say is wrong
They tell me:
"Are you stupid or what? You're never gonna go far in life, if you wanna be different"
"YOU are never gonna go far in life, because with your attitude, nobody will ever like you"

If anybody says you don't belong here, because you look different
Say this to them

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are

The way they are
The way they are
The way they are
The way they are

Everybody is perfect the way they are

The way they are
The way they are
The way they are
The way they are

Everybody is perfect the way they are

If anybody says you don't belong here, because you look different
Say this to them

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are

If I want to be different, then let me be that
Everybody is perfect the way they are
No need for makeup, you look just fine
Everybody is perfect the way they are

But nobody is actually perfect...
Click to expand...
Reminds me of South Park, The Elementary School Musical episode.
 
Stay Away From Me

Whenever I go near you, you attempt to hurt me
And most of the times, you succeed
You've told the teachers I'm stupid so they make everything easier for me
My parents won't help me, because they can't see the pain I'm going through

You have said so many bad things about me,
that I now find it hard to see the truth
Am I really a nice person, or am I a bad person
You have told me I don't deserve to live
And maybe you're right

So, I'm staying away from you all
I'm not gonna be there anymore
But I know you'll miss your punching bag
But I've made up my mind
Or have I?

All the voices in my head tell me to ignore all they say
But how can you ignore the pain?

So, I have finally decided that I will still be there
I know it sounds insane
But I will tell you this, stay away from me
You will face the consequences soon

All the voices in my head tell me that violence isn't the answer
But if I tell them with words...will that work?
I don't have a clue
Or have I?

This is why I hate school so much...yup, the song is about me thinking about me wanting to go back to school or just stay home.
 
The Statue

Why does the world have to be so cruel?
The past, nobody remembers
You can't change the world as it is right now
But you can join me and the others in the garden as a statue

It all started five years ago
Our great leader went on a quest to restore the past
To make things peaceful again
But he was eventually turned into a statue
And we still watch him everyday

Me and my group of soldiers tried to avenge our great leader
But we were also turned into statues
And now we ask ourselves
Who's next in line?

This is a day to celebrate, we have turned the world upside down
The gold is cold but who cares about that?
Our little garden is growing bigger by the minute
No one shall oppose us and no one will

The statues start to move

Our new quest has begun
To avenge everyone that has been turned to a statue
To restore the past without making any damage
It will be easy

The statues have broken into our palace
You can see and feel through them
But you can't stop them
Alright, you get what you want
So can you leave now, you're scaring us

The statues have won
 
Sorry for the bump, but I wanted to share my first attempt at writing some lyrics. It's very unfinished, as I intend to improve it every now and then as it's very rough.

Trinity

The dark sky is approaching fast,
The end of man has come at last.
Death's grip is an eternal stain,
Nothing can be done to rid man's pain.

The sirens wail, the time has come.
There's nothing more that can be done.
Pack it up, move it out.
The end is here, without any doubt.

Down it falls, from the sky.
Is this way the way I will die?
Down it falls, through the air.
I fail to see how any of this is fair.
Trinity. Trinity. Trinity.
(repeat)

The nuclear plague infects the land.
Spreading from a single unmanned strand.
A single blast will wipe us out.

Where are the heroes?
There's none of them about.

Our enemies clap, shout and cheer,
Whilst endlessly we live in fear.
They've destroyed everything I've ever known.
My loved ones now are nothing but dust and bone.

Tears. They fall, down my face.
Is the end of the human race?
Down it falls, on our land.
This is it, this is now my last stand.
Trinity. Trinity. Trinity.

The dark sky descends on us all.
Here our graves, here we fall.

As I said it's very unfinished, any improvements or comments would be great!

:)
 
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Last Train To Madness (lyrics)

"All aboard the train. Show your ticket and you're welcome aboard. Otherwise, you should leave"
As Mrs Walknot rolls on in her wheelchair
Mr Noys' uses his nails to drag himself aboard, making everyone cover their ears
Dickinson drags his unfortunate son between his legs, making everyone stare in disgust
And Willy wears his snake around his neck

It's all roll on for the trip to madness
Come one, come all
It's the last train to madness

"Mr Hocus, focus on your text and stop wanking around!"
Looking at the time, the looker said
"Oh, I'm afraid we're out of time, I gotta leave"
Mr Aideeas has creative ADHD, making everyone groan
The cougher reveals a secret and everyone faints from shock
"Good grief...what a relief!"
"Don't get your hopes up...theif! You're under arrest!"

The peacemaker doesn't like his peas
"Eat it up, you paid the price"
And the boarder rolls another dice
"It's another six!"
"Great! Let's do one more just for kicks, wouldn't that be nice?"

"It's one o' clock and time for lunch!
Humpty dumpty dum..."
The conductor sings on the intercom
"Oh, I wonder what's for lunch"
"Oh, I'm gonna eat a bunch!"
"Munch munch munch..."
Munch munch munch, yeah, indeed!

As the train came to a dead halt
A figure appeared in front of the train
And music started to play

Look for the truth
You know we need it badly
Look for the truth
Wouldn't you want to know?

"No! Your song sucks, I got the best tune, best life, best name and best everything! If ya wanna be as good as me, it'll take ya a hundred years!"
"You just called yourself a old man!"
"No, I didn't!
"Yes, you did!"
"Yes"No"Yes"No"Yes
"ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mr Stalk took his camera, zoomed in on his crush
And snap!
He took a photo of her
And let nobody know

And then a group of people started to roar
They said; "We're just practicing our ritual, where we roar gibberish for eleven hours!"
"Why eleven?"
"Because we...why not?"

In the bathroom, the escaped prison comvict dropped his soap
But eventually, he paid his price
And Dick the juggler dropped his two balls
As he went to pick them up, he felt an empty sensation
So, he reached for a melon
And then...he fainted

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Magic Show of Madness! We are going to show you some magical tricks!"
"Meh. They aren't real"
"Alright. On this mouth we better set on a seal"
"What's that? A seal of approval?"
"No. It's a seal of disapproval"

And on the train to madness we've reached our unexpected first stop...

"Make way!" Chunky pushes his way towards the doors
But he was so fat, he couldn't get out
So a doctor had to pop his bubble
And off we go...

My name is Humpus Crumplezatch
People don't like me
So my trip here has gone well so far
And this is my stop
"Stop!"
And I probably forgot to mention that I'm a thief
And the police has been on my nonexistant tail for weeks
And I run and sing, no, wait! There's the door!
So I run outside and no one is in way...
"Out of the way! Fool!"
Or maybe I forgot that one
I'm very forgetful these days
And I run and run and run and run and run
And I better stop repeat myself because it's getting annoying
And the police are throwing angry faces at me...
Wait...how do you throw a angry face at someone?
Eh, anyway, I'm still running and I find a frying pan lying on the ground
"Hey! Stop lying while lying on the ground!"
And I throw the frying pan...and this time it actually makes sense
It hits one of them and they all topple over...somehow
Looks like I was able to get away this time too

"We're getting closer to our final destination!"

And so...

It's still all roll on for the trip to madness
Come one, come all
We have arrived

And as people push and fall over
The conductor stands and laughs at the sign
And as a fist fight erupts, nobody in the back hear anything
They just leave quietly...shh...quietly!
Shh! Quietly! ...oh, wait...

And now everybody has gotten off the train
And everybody looks at the sign

"Welcome to the hotel for guests who came from a mental asylum!"

And everyone falls over and faints!
And so the conductor has succeded once again
Let's go back to the first station and work overtime!

I was bored...
 
Well at least your lyrics actually have rhymes this time around so I think it's an improvement. But yeah, try to be original.
 
It's not simply a matter of "being original". He has good enough ideas, but is forcing them into a Peter Gabriel mode. All creative people start by imitating our heroes; I'm trying to give him a friendly push towards the next step.

My advice would instead be: "try to be musical". Give the lines a strong meter and rhythm and some more end-line rhymes. Write something that seems to sing itself when you read it. Think less about making every word brilliant and more about phrases.

Here's an old lyric of mine. I picked it out because it's the only lyric I've got that I wrote first as a lyric, without music. Check out the meter and rhymes; you can almost hear the song.

"Shadow On The Wind"

Time and wonder, mystically inclined
Growing thunder, magically defined
Going under, caught up and entwined
Walking on the side of the road

Feel it coming, distant memories
Feel like running, dire epiphanies
Hear the drumming, hint of melodies
Standing on the edge of the world

I wanna fly like a bird on the run
Taking cover from the storm bearing down
I wanna fly like a shot from a gun
Tearing up the sky, ripping the ground

Dark and brooding, shadow on the wind
Always moving, ever on the mend
Never choosing, always in suspense
Screaming at the sun in the sky

Head is shaking, heart is on a wheel
Anger breaking, fearing what is real
Bracing, making my will as hard as steel
Sweating as the minutes tick by

I wanna fly like a bird on the run
Taking cover from the storm bearing down
I wanna fly like a shot from a gun
Tearing up the sky, ripping the ground

I can feel the air change
As the time of indecision slowly drips away
Can't ya see it ain't so strange
When the pages are torn out and fear is stripped away

Danger falling, pouring like a flood
Stranger calling, hiding in my blood
Fighting, brawling deep down in the mud
Raging like a tide on the rise

Storm releasing, time in disarray
Lightning feasting on the aging day
Subtle feeling, carry me away
Burning like the fire in my eyes

I wanna fly like a bird on the run
Taking cover from the storm bearing down
I wanna fly like a shot from a gun
Tearing up the sky, ripping the ground
 
SinisterMinisterX said:
It's not simply a matter of "being original". He has good enough ideas, but is forcing them into a Peter Gabriel mode. All creative people start by imitating our heroes; I'm trying to give him a friendly push towards the next step.
Click to expand...

What exactly did I say that contradicts this? If he's trying to force his ideas into a Peter Gabriel mode, then he's not original. Having ideas doesn't equal being original.
 
I mean the substance vs the mode of expression. His idea about a crazy train ride is fine, it's the container that is flawed.

The Flash said:
Having ideas doesn't equal being original.
Click to expand...

It's always a necessary first step - and truthfully, "originality" actually is often just a new idea applied to someone else's older idea.
 
SinisterMinisterX said:
It's always a necessary first step - and truthfully, "originality" actually is often just a new idea applied to someone else's older idea.
Click to expand...

Yes but it still doesn't equal originality itself. If you fulfill, say, 1/3 of the steps to achieve something, you can't say you have achieved it. Ideas are a first step but the way you shape them and the way you present them also make up for originality.
 
Stardust your lyrics are definitely improving and it seems like you listened to some of Shadow's advice earlier in the thread, so good work there. I agree with SMX that the next step is to be musical, with a lot of your lyrics I can hum out a melody to certain phrases here and there but nothing is really coherent. Try to have some sort of melody or meter in mind, maybe even try exercises in writing "parodies" to songs you like. Use your own ideas and don't feel a need to have any relation to the original lyrics, just do your own thing to practice writing with melody in mind. Or come up with your own melodies.

I don't think there's necessarily a problem with being original. Yes he's trying to emulate Peter Gabriel but it's not like he's copying the man's ideas. Dusty has some creative song ideas and is writing them in a Peter Gabriel style, which is fine for starting out but I think the next step is to find his own voice. Stardust: You can take certain elements of Gabriel's lyric writing that you like and use it in your own original way. Plenty of good creative work is derived from something else, there's nothing wrong with having influences. I think the Gabriel influence is just too strong and it's compromising the quality of your work.

And of course the fact that you write so much is great. Keep at it, the more you practice the better you'll get. I'd also suggest revisiting old lyrics and finding things to improve. You already have the foundation of your ideas written in these old lyrics so you could spend all your time just making the lyrics better. Maybe go back to an old song and try to rework it into something with a clear meter.
 
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I obviously have a different perspective on the term "original" than people who live in Denver. If he's trying to emulate Peter Gabriel's style, he's not original, no matter how his ideas are. That's the way I see it.

Mosh, you start out saying there isn't a problem with being original, then advice him to find his original way. I don't get it. Does my way of saying "original" somehow come off different to you guys? I wasn't trying to be harsh on the guy, I praised him for his improvements.
 
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I think you missed my point. Stardust should definitely work on finding his voice and I made a suggestion to go about doing so. However, I don't think this should be his main concern just yet. I think writing more musical lyrics is much more fundamental, since a lyric is going to be useless if you can't apply it to music, no matter how original it is. Once he has that down, he can work on finding his own voice and -like I mentioned in my first post- learn how to implement his influences while still being original.

The question of what is original and what is not would be an entirely different debate I think. One I'm willing to have but I don't know if it's too much of a tangent in this topic.
 
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