Mental Health Thread

[Saapanael]

Good and days and bad. Hopefully you having more good than bad. Ive tried antidepressants before and they do 'stablise' you mood. I just didnt want to rely on them all the time

I do have more good days than bad, thank you. Sometimes I just struggle to shut down the old brain, getting needlessly worked up about minor things. Funnily, I’m reading Anders Hansen’s book on the effect that physical activity has on your brain, and there was a chapter about the same medication I’m taking. He states that regular running has the same effect on a person’s brain as antidepressants. It’s entirely logical, of course, exercise is the best remedy for mental troubles. It’s just surprising how I’ve had this book for years and am reading it now when it’s most relevant for me.

 

[Ascendingthethrone]

In my house, I am the news filter. My wife doesn’t watch the news but occasionally will have the TV on when it comes on. There are days when I tell her not to watch it due to the content. E.g. terrorist groups committing attacks on civilians, murders, crime, etc. She just struggles to cope with it. I am better at handling it (I think) However she saw the news report today about that poor wee boy who starved to death. That is a hard story to take. I have a two year old and it has hit me hard tonight. I just hugged her extra hard tonight.

 

[Saapanael]

The last week has been an incredibly good one for me, mentally. I’ve been feeling really confident and sure of what I’m doing and who I am. Suddenly, this evening, the bane of my existence - loneliness - has caught up with me. Right now I’m sitting in my car at a gas station and all I can think of is how much I want to cry. Loneliness can just come and hit you in the face with a hammer and make you want to kill yourself, even if you’ve been doing exceptionally well otherwise. It makes me sad that there is no one I can reach out to and meet up to talk. No one whose company would actually do me some good.

 

[Onhell]

The last week has been an incredibly good one for me, mentally. I’ve been feeling really confident and sure of what I’m doing and who I am. Suddenly, this evening, the bane of my existence - loneliness - has caught up with me. Right now I’m sitting in my car at a gas station and all I can think of is how much I want to cry. Loneliness can just come and hit you in the face with a hammer and make you want to kill yourself, even if you’ve been doing exceptionally well otherwise. It makes me sad that there is no one I can reach out to and meet up to talk. No one whose company would actually do me some good.

At least you got us, we may not physically be there and I'm aware it is not the same, but we're still here for you to get you through these rough patches. Chin up, you are NOT alone. Belonging, being/feeling wanted extends beyond physical proximity. Strong bonds know no bounds. There's a reason several members have been a part of this rag-tag community for 15+ years.

 

[Saapanael]

At least you got us, we may not physically be there and I'm aware it is not the same, but we're still here for you to get you through these rough patches. Chin up, you are NOT alone. Belonging, being/feeling wanted extends beyond physical proximity. Strong bonds know no bounds. There's a reason several members have been a part of this rag-tag community for 15+ years.

Thanks for the kind words but this community doesn’t feel like the home that it used to be anymore. I’m not just saying that in my current bout of depression, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I often feel like I’m getting kicked in the balls whenever I try to initiate a friendly conversation here. It doesn’t surprise me that many long-time members have left the forum. I still come here to chat about music and just joke around but the air on Maidenfans has grown more toxic in time, in my opinion.

 

[Black Abyss Babe]

I often feel like I’m getting kicked in the balls whenever I try to initiate a friendly conversation here.

Consign such members to your ignore list - they are not worth your regret ...

 

[bdalqasmal]

Personally, I used to fear it a lot. But then, during a particularly rough patch, I stumbled upon a concept called "intermittent explosive disorder" while reading about mental health. Understanding it helped me see my own reactions in a different light. There was this one time I had a massive blow-up with a friend over something trivial, and it made me question why I reacted that way. Learning about IED gave me insights into managing my emotions better.

 

[Meliegree]

Things haven't been good lately.

For over two years I have been struggling with a disease that doctors do not want to diagnose. Sometimes, in random situations, I feel very dizzy. It starts with a feeling of swelling in my ear, then a buzzing noise, and suddenly I completely lose my balance and violently vomit. After about an hour of violent vomiting, everything goes away and for the next few days I feel as exhausted as if I had a bad flu. During these attacks, I also have bouts of mood swings - I can yell at my son because he opened the door louder, and 3 minutes later I almost cry because my wife gave me lukewarm tea. Sometimes I lose my balance when shopping or when I'm out on the town.

The attacks are so traumatic for me that I almost stopped leaving the house. I switched to 100% remote work and a slight dizziness is enough to make me afraid to take out the trash.

I went to 10 otolaryngologists and had an MRI - they found nothing. The only test that yielded any abnormal results was audiometry, which revealed a hearing loss in the ear that buzzes during seizures, and during the same test, such a seizure was induced. The doctor still didn't want to make a diagnosis.

I know that with the problems that are in the world and that each of us is going through, it may not be much, but I wanted to share how I feel.

 

[The_7th_one]

Things haven't been good lately.

For over two years I have been struggling with a disease that doctors do not want to diagnose. Sometimes, in random situations, I feel very dizzy. It starts with a feeling of swelling in my ear, then a buzzing noise, and suddenly I completely lose my balance and violently vomit. After about an hour of violent vomiting, everything goes away and for the next few days I feel as exhausted as if I had a bad flu. During these attacks, I also have bouts of mood swings - I can yell at my son because he opened the door louder, and 3 minutes later I almost cry because my wife gave me lukewarm tea. Sometimes I lose my balance when shopping or when I'm out on the town.

The attacks are so traumatic for me that I almost stopped leaving the house. I switched to 100% remote work and a slight dizziness is enough to make me afraid to take out the trash.

I went to 10 otolaryngologists and had an MRI - they found nothing. The only test that yielded any abnormal results was audiometry, which revealed a hearing loss in the ear that buzzes during seizures, and during the same test, such a seizure was induced. The doctor still didn't want to make a diagnosis.

I know that with the problems that are in the world and that each of us is going through, it may not be much, but I wanted to share how I feel.

Sorry to hear that. I hope you well get soon and that issue is temporary.
I remember I was very sick 10 years or so with unexplainable disease or something whatever happened to me. I went to the Hospital 2 times, After blood test and other kind of tests they said me that I had nothing at all and the treatment was paracetamol. I was dizzy and so weak that I couldn't wake up from the bed and walk, I couldn't drive nor eat properly. At the same time I was very worried for the lack of diagnose. After one month and a half I was recovered but then it was unexplainable and I thought it could have been of longtime stress or something related.

 

[LooseCannon]

We're certainly all hoping you get well soon @Meliegree! That's terrible news when there's no idea what's going on. Hopefully they figure it out, or it passes on its own.

 

[Saapanael]

 

[Saapanael]

The loneliness gets more unbearable by the day. When I wake up, I know I’m going to spend the rest of the day alone. I’m 26, friendless, girlfriendless. All I can do is work on inproving myself but a total lack of human warmth in my life is taking a toll on my well-being. I don’t want to live like this.

 

[JudasMyGuide]

I get what you mean. In fact, it's precisely the fear of loneliness, of alienation, that I've been dealing for most of my life. But also my experience is, that it is intrinsic in general - meaning that it is much more about your internal setting than about any external conditions.
Similar to anorexia - actually losing weight won't make an anorexic feel better or see themselves as more visually okay, because it's not objective conditions that are the problem.

I am surrounded by my family and I am also very lucky in that regard that my wife is indeed a soul-mate of sorts - we understand each other and communicate in a way that's unusual, we don't have any secrets, we are truly one, in away. And yet, especially in darker times such as these now, I tend to feel alone, because 1. she already has enough shit with the children and other things, so I have to dose my own shit towards her, 2. the fear of death is not better, because that's something I have to do alone. Like, waking up and not being able to find her hand to grasp on the blanket. She not going through with me. Honestly, that's maybe more devastating than when I was still alone and looking for my paramour.

 

[Saapanael]

I get what you mean. In fact, it's precisely the fear of loneliness, of alienation, that I've been dealing for most of my life. But also my experience is, that it is intrinsic in general - meaning that it is much more about your internal setting than about any external conditions.

I think you’re right. I should start taking anti-depressants again, otherwise I’ll keep spending too much of my time and energy on useless worrying.
The paradox is that I know how much finding the right person in my life would benefit me but I can’t go looking for anybody when I’m feeling like this.

Spending time with decent people usually makes me feel so much better but I’m struggling to find ways to be with people. So I end up doing things alone, overwhelmed by my thoughts.

 

[____no5]

The loneliness gets more unbearable by the day. When I wake up, I know I’m going to spend the rest of the day alone. I’m 26, friendless, girlfriendless. All I can do is work on inproving myself but a total lack of human warmth in my life is taking a toll on my well-being. I don’t want to live like this.

That makes no sense to me. You are such a great guy. More than great, you are magic. Please hold on, you will find all you deserve and more.

Like, waking up and not being able to find her hand to grasp on the blanket. She not going through with me. Honestly, that's maybe more devastating than when I was still alone and looking for my paramour.

I just remember when I had a near death experience. I had passed out just like this and was wowed how "sweat" death was. It's like if something happens in your brain and there is a chemical substance dropped in your blood that makes you feel ultra happy in order to accept leaving. Anyway, as I was ecstatic from the happiness and ready to go, my soul mate embraced me and started talking to me. I soon opened my eyes back on earth. I was equally happy to be back and especially be back seeing her face and be at her arms.

A few days later after she went back in her country, I was hiking and feeling very insecure that if I die she won't be around. I wasn't afraid to die, I was afraid to die without her being around if that makes sense.

 

[Onhell]

I considered putting this in the rant thread, but realized it ultimately belongs here.

I've been having one of the most interesting semesters in a loooong time. My old laptop is about 7 years old and it now takes 40 minutes to boot up, 5 minutes to get ready and about 2 minutes to open anything. The battery still works fairly well, but it used to hold about a 5 hour charge, now it's down to 90 minutes or so. I decided to buy a new laptop during the summer to prepare for the new semester.... it died two weeks in. I turned it on in class, it said it encountered a problem and needed to restart. I restart it and nothing happened, the keyboard just glows on and off, but nothing happens.

No big deal, I thought, I still have my desktop with which I do most of my work at home anyway. Well... THAT one died two weeks ago. It also "encountered" a problem, kept saying to use the auto repair only to tell me that the auto repair couldn't fix it, but wouldn't let me continue to windows, just kept restarting, "repairing", failing and back to blue screen. Great.

Just before that happened ALL my accounts got hacked and it took me two days to get them back. Aside from using my outlook to spam mail everyone and their grandmother, I didn't notice anything unusual. That was until I wanted to play Alan Wake II and it told me I needed to own it first. Um... I do... No, you don't. I check my purchase history... It states "Refunded." Fuck. Me. Apparently the refunded the game and bought a bunch of Roblox crap with the money which they got in like gift cards or whatever, cuz it never came back to my card. Also.... don't know HOW it was refunded as it was past the 30 day mark and played well over 2 hours.... so bizarre. I don't mind giving Remedy more of my money, but still annoying.

But wait... there's more. about two weeks ago I had a severe allergic reaction to I don't know what. Woke up in the middle of the night with a really itchy neck. I was kind of out of it so I just scratched and tried to go back to sleep, the itch came back, I scratched again, rinse and repeat for who knows how long. I finally realized it wasn't going away. I went to the bath room and my neck and upper chest were sunburnt red from how irritated it was. I got some hand lotion the ex had left behind and that helped with both the itchiness and irritation. I got some medicine on the way home after work and that was that. This weekend I finally succumbed to a cold I had been fighting for at least 3 weeks.

Through all of this I've been frustrated, irritated, depressed, low, bothered, etc. However, I kept defaulting to feeling fortunate, thankful, grateful even. This confused me, because I wanted to make sure those positive feelings were legitimate and not me just having a manic episode or severe mood swings.

Turns out they're for real. I was pleasantly surprised, because just 6 years ago I would've let just one of the things mentioned above to ruin my day/week/month and spiral into depression. Now, I allow myself to feel the frustration, irritation, anger, etc, but then I let it go and move on. The work I've done on myself these past 6 years has definitely paid off and that feels really good. I don't say this often, but I'm proud of myself.

My computers are still dead (I'll fix them eventually), I bought a small ebook to get me by and honestly, that's what I wanted to begin with. When I fix the laptop I'll give it to my mom who also needs a new one and I don't "need" my desktop as all my work files are in the cloud anyway. Still don't know when I'll get around to the 15+ notifications I have on here, but when I'm fully caught up with work I'll check them out.

 

[Edington]

I dunno if this belongs here or the Brag Thread, but I felt like I needed to see it in writing, to help me to believe in it a little more.

Over the past few weeks I've been looking at photos of myself or at myself in the mirror and realising that I actually like who I see looking back at me. I'm either finally gaining some self-esteem, or becoming more delusional as I get older.

 

[Saapanael]

Man, I’ve really screwed up this life. It feels like there’s no going back to a point where things were still good. It’s like the things I dream of are opposite to my reality. I’m just existing now.

This video is sort of creepy but it captures some of my feelings very well. And it’s an exceptionally beautiful piece of art.

 

[Black Abyss Babe]

Man, I’ve really screwed up this life. It feels like there’s no going back to a point where things were still good. It’s like the things I dream of are opposite to my reality. I’m just existing now.

This video is sort of creepy but it captures some of my feelings very well. And it’s an exceptionally beautiful piece of art.

You don't need to "go back" and you're still young so there's plenty of time for you to find the good in the future. I would even suggest that you will find good that would not have existed had you done everything "perfectly" right down the line. It's all about finding the opportunities you've got now: "don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years ..."

If life were a sewing project it would be a patchwork quilt: it doesn't need to be perfect and it's quite okay for it to be totally random. And nothing, once learned, is ever entirely useless ...