Mental Health Thread

Do you fear death, dying, etc.?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 22.6%
  • No

    Votes: 22 41.5%
  • Trying my best to not think about it

    Votes: 15 28.3%
  • Never really thought about it and I'm unable to come up with an answer on a spot

    Votes: 4 7.5%

  • Total voters
    53
Thanks for the response, @MindRuler. I’m glad you managed to get out and find something better.

My frustration is that I work across 3 schools and the behaviour varies across them. One of my schools has excellent behaviour and I just want to be there all week (not realistic).

I have spent over a decade now working in schools in ‘challenging areas’. I have always been about giving kids access to music that they wouldn’t be able to afford. However the kids need to have firm and clear boundaries. They need them. We are failing them if we don’t give them this.
Sorry to hear it. I work the exact same job and similar circumstances. It's rough sometimes even though I believe we are providing something of very high value.
 
One thing I hate is when I get fixated on people I don’t like. And then I start to generate that into types of people I don’t like. I’ve wanted so much to become stronger but I’m clearly still fragile. Big gatherings, large masses of people are usually not my thing, but sometimes you have to get out there between the people. And then there’s all this noise coming at you from all sides, people telling you what to do and how to be, it drives me nuts. I’ve done enough to know how I need to be, and no one (unless they know me down to the bits) has the right to correct me on that. It hurts when these are people you’ve known for a long time, and wish they’d already caught the essence of you, but still keep treating you like you’re somebody else. Lately I’ve had so much negative energy from different people, I can’t deal with it anymore. I acknowledge there’s also been positive energy, from one coworker in particular, but the narcissistic assholes get to me. I wish I could ignore them but they get to me.
 
One thing I hate is when I get fixated on people I don’t like. And then I start to generate that into types of people I don’t like. I’ve wanted so much to become stronger but I’m clearly still fragile. Big gatherings, large masses of people are usually not my thing, but sometimes you have to get out there between the people. And then there’s all this noise coming at you from all sides, people telling you what to do and how to be, it drives me nuts. I’ve done enough to know how I need to be, and no one (unless they know me down to the bits) has the right to correct me on that. It hurts when these are people you’ve known for a long time, and wish they’d already caught the essence of you, but still keep treating you like you’re somebody else. Lately I’ve had so much negative energy from different people, I can’t deal with it anymore. I acknowledge there’s also been positive energy, from one coworker in particular, but the narcissistic assholes get to me. I wish I could ignore them but they get to me.
Boundaries, Saap: you've acknowledged that, sadly, it is not possible to completely avoid narcissistic assholes but you've also confidently declared - correctly - that no-one has the right to tell you how you should be. It's not such a massive step from there to refusing to let the narcissistic assholes bother you. One thing I find helpful is to actively pity them for being so pathetic.

Go on Saap - you've got this :clap:
 
Today I got an e-mail I get at least once a semester. A student wrote me saying the reason she hasn't turned any work in is because she's been depressed. She's been going to a psychologist, but just this week she got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She also stated she is starting to work on it with a psychiatrist this week, but if she can still turn the work in as she doesn't want to fail the class.

Just yesterday and this morning I was talking to my ex and a friend of mine, how I've been struggling keeping my anxiety at bay, it has frozen me at times, but I've been able to push through.

A few days ago a coworker of mine pulled the tired line of how "fashionable" it's become to be "depressed" or "anxious," you know, that "back in my day" bullshit. However it did make me reflect on it a tad and realized that it could be a modern existential epidemic. I too was SEVERELY depressed in my 20s. I failed an entire semester of classes, not just one class. I came to the conclusion that the existential depression in people in their late teens early 20s is due to not having accomplished anything. In previous generations they fought in wars, worked a trade or worked a farm. Physical labor mostly outdoors. Now what do we do? Work callcenters, cashiers, fast food, etc. Not particularly fulfilling jobs. My uncles were working my grandfather's fields as young as 10. They were working MEN by the time they were 14.

I'm not saying the diagnosis of depression/anxiety in someone's 20s are BS, I'm saying they are made worse by being aimless in life. Something that help improve my mental health was finally entering the work force, having something to do. To this day sometimes I wake up thinking, "I don't want to leave the house today," then realize I HAVE TO, because I'm no longer the student, now I'm the teacher and if I don't go to work I'll get messages from at least 5 different supervisors and about 10 concerned students as to why I'm not at work. Once I'm out and about my mood improves. To be fair I suffer MILD depression/anxiety, so I'm not speaking for all cases, but there are basic things everyone can do to help before things get too dark. One of them is leave your damn house, go outside, get some sun, touch grass, do exercise. If you need medication, take it, but as a compliment to all the other things, not in lieu of.

I tell all my classes every semester to be kind to themselves and patient and realize it does get better, to reach out if they need to and that they are not alone.
 
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Don't recall if I mentioned it before here or elsewhere so a quick comment: I will be going on a two week trip to northern Mexico and southwestern US. Here in Mexico our "spring break" is comprised of two weeks, Holy Week and Easter Week. It was a trip that was really stressing me out, but the closer it gets the less stress I feel about it. I will be going with my mom and she has changed plans literally every day. Every. Goddamn. Day. I think this is what has oddly helped me not stress about it and just say, "Fuck it, we'll play it by ear."

The reason I bring it up is that instead of being stressed I find myself full of resentment and anger. I ranted about my passport debacle before and honestly, I'm not over it. Not one bit. Had the fucking U.S government not lost my passport the first time I processed it I could've done everything I'm going to do on THIS trip back in December. This mishap on their part has literally fucked up my entire year.

Moving in with my mom has become a non-negotiable certainty and I could've used these two weeks to completely move out of my place. Instead we're doing what we could've done 4 months ago. When I get back from this trip I have finals to impart, and then I have ONE week to get ready to go BACK to the U.S to work the summer. I could postpone said trip and move out during the summer, BUT I'd be doing that for the nth time. First it was my surgery, then the pandemic, then more surgeries and now I'm going to postpone it again for what? A fucking move? Oh hell no. Then when I return from that I'll have, again, one week before the beginning of the semester. Looks like I won't be able to fully move out until December.

My ex got on my case saying that I do have the time, I just choose not to. There is a bit of truth to that. I HATE moving, it is very stressful for me and I want to do it as stress free as possible. Currently my time is split between cooking, cleaning, working and a Saturday course. The little off time I have I have chosen to spend it at my mom's to start getting acclimated not only to a "new" house and space, but to start getting used to cohabitating with my mom again, for the first time in about 15 years.

Last Sunday I wasn't in a particularly good mood and wanted to lounge a bit, one of those days it takes one a little longer to start your day. Right off the bat she started with, "Mijo, please do this," and "Mijo don't forget to do that," "Oh! and I need you to do this." I felt the frustration started to build up, but I successfully deescalated it by thinking, "This is going to be the rest of your time with her, she's old, you're not going to change any of this, just go with it." Last night when I went over she wasn't home, I make myself dinner, put a show on Netflix. Not even 10 minutes into the show she comes home and immediately launches into "Guess what I did today!" I had to exit Netflix, switched to Youtube and put on some music. Minor annoyance, I'll live. But very important to start experiencing this as again... probably the next 20 years of my life.

Therefore, if I don't do one of these things for the sake of moving it gets left undone. It is (in my mind) a very delicate balance that must not be disturbed or I might spiral into a paralyzing anxiety. I don't think I'll be fully over this anger until I've checked everything off my list regarding my goals for this upcoming trip, the summer trip and being fully moved out of my place.
 
Warning: Long read.

Finally back from our two week trip to the US. It was incredibly surreal. Once in El Paso we rented a car and for the first week I was my mom's and aunt's chauffer. We drove down to Presidio and crossed over to my mom's hometown of Ojinaga. I'd been there before, but this trip was different. Guess I could appreciate my mom's nostalgia since I too was experiencing a bit of it. Our entire childhoods we would make this drive so that in itself felt like going back in time. She showed me around, technically again, and we saw the house where she was born and grew up which is now a notary public and a bank lol.

On our drive back we were hit by a pretty bad dust storm, I drove in almost zero visibility for about 5 minutes then it cleared up but I guess we were just in the eye of the storm because while it was clear on the highway, the horizon and to either side all we could see was a wall of dust. I was amused at how old hat it felt and chuckled remembering how I was freaking out when I drove during very light snowfall, because it looked like I was driving in hyperspace, but this was like... Meh. I've driven in severe storms, severe dust/sand storms, pitch darkness, etc, so even this felt nostalgic. After the storm we still had severe winds to the point where my wrists, forearms, and shoulders were sore from holding the car in place while being hit with wave after wave of wind gusts. My mom and aunt stayed behind in El Paso as my aunt flew back to San Antonio and had a very emotional goodbye as it is likely the last time they'll ever see each other given my mom is 80 and my aunt is 87. I made my way to Tucson.

The drive into Tucson was even more emotional than all the driving up to that point. As soon as I saw the sign of Tucson City Limits and started recognizing the road exits coming up I was FLOODED with memories. I felt as though I was in some sci-fi body/consciousness switching show and all these old memories were fighting to make it to the surface. I spent the next 24 hours in a euphoric state. I hung out with a few friends and was sad I couldn't see more, but I did have a couple of things I needed to do while I was there. I renewed my driver's license, put in a job application for summer work and finally sat down to grade everything my students turned in.

It was really emotional to meet up with old friends, three of them explicitly referred to me as family and the others welcomed me as if I were family. I am NOT the hugging type of person when greeting people, I hugged EVERYBODY lol. Including my friend's husbands who I had never met previously hahaha. I met up with an ex, met her current boyfriend and new son. Her BF and I were already FB friends, but we finally got to strike up a conversation, after a few minutes she said, "I knew you two would get along." I could tell that was important to her. I then met up with a friend who, so far, has been the only one to visit me in Mexico. Met her new husband with whom I IMMEDIATELY hit it off as he is a Metalhead, soccer fan (I'm not, but as a Mexican I'm culturally obligated to know the basics) and a video game nerd, specifically Fallout. As we're geeking out she said, "I knew you two would get along." It was touching to see how important it was for them for me to mesh with their respective partners. While my next friend didn't explicitly say it, she did refer to me as her "older brother," and we reminisced on the time she stayed with my mom and I for a few months while she got back up on her feet. That was back when she was 18, she is now in her early 30s. She and her husband are going through an emotional period as she recently had a failed pregnancy. Finally I met up with another friend who told me that thanks to that ne time I took her to the opera she got her own subscription to broadway shows coming to town and is now a huge theater fan. She then caught me up on all the goings on of her and her family.

I was also able to meet up with a friend from college who I would always hang out with at the same Denny's and talk about J.D Salinger, politics, Seinfeld and comic books. We had a good laugh remembering when on separate occasions our respective girlfriends at the time said they would no longer hang out with us, because All we talked about was Garfield and Seinfeld." After a laugh we started taking turns, "And Peanuts," "And Calvin and Hobbs," "And Frasier." More laughs.

Finally the friend I stayed with and who sadly, do to him working nights and me waking up at like... 7 am, didn't get to hang out with as much as I'd like. We had a couple of movie nights, and were able to have chats on his back patio while having a beer and a cigarette. The first time I actually had cigarettes in 7 years. I know it's bad, but the memory couldn't be completed without doing that. At one point he said, "I really missed this."

It felt so good to go back "home," and be able to see some friends and can't wait to go back and hang out with those I didn't have the time to see this time around. I was also very happy to see they are all doing well. There was that common thread with all of them, slowing down, reducing/eliminating stress from their lives, enjoying life, their work, their families, while still having plans for the future.

It was a huge relief to finally get this monkey off my back and have everything on the up and up in both countries. I'm very happy with my life at the moment, work here is great, being able to go back to the U.S whenever with the possibility of summer employment is great, in short all is well personally and professionally. The only current question mark is my health, still have appointments to follow up with regarding my surgery, but I'll know more towards the end of May.
 
Hi Onhell,

Glad to hear you had a nice, nostalgic visit with family and friends (overall) and hope the medical issues you alluded to get resolved quickly and effectively.

On another topic:

Has anyone else here been affected by the layoffs in tech and other industries over the past 3 years?

That’s been rough. Presently under-employed and wondering if I’ll even get back to parity with where I was in my career before the layoff.
 
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Thanks! I forgot to mention the most surreal part. I went to the pet store where I got my dogs and the guy that sold them to me was still working there. As soon as he sees me his face lights up and with a huge smile says, "Hey Onhell! How's it going!?" I greet him with a big handshake and then he says, "Your name IS Onhell, right?" "Yes, yes it is." "Man don't know why I remember that!" Literally haven't seen the guy in like a decade lol.

As to your situation. I don't know anybody currently suffering from said layoffs. Most people suffered from the Pandemic. Going to home office then being asked to come back or just let go type thing. However I went through that 15 years ago. I was dumb enough to get a DUI, got fired from my job, DL suspended and acquired crippling debt from legal fees. NO ONE in my field wanted to hire me. I was walking around with a scarlet letter. Finally, a hiring manager told me that due to the DUI I was essentially black balled for 3 years, an unspoken agreed upon period in the industry. I had to work call center jobs, lucked out and became a pharmacy technicians, but still making significantly less money, not what I wanted to do and felt bitter, unappreciated and stuck.

The job market right now is shit, it seems it will stay that way for the foreseeable future. You're right in that it is better than being unemployed, but I also agree with you that it sucks nuts and completely understand how you feel. At the same time though, I'm sure it will be temporary. If you like management (I sure hell don't) and a position opens up in your current company, take it. If not, I hope you are constantly putting feelers out and checking other places for better opportunities as soon as they come up.
 
Wow, being remembered by someone you didn’t know well from that long ago would be surreal.

Thanks for the empathy on the career topic, Onhell.

Sounds lile you can relate from your past experience. Regarding the DUI, I could have easily landed in that situation myself before I quit drinking years ago.

I’m looking for a graceful exit rather than advancement from within. I might also pivot to another field. It’s not just the down-leveling that bothers me: I also work at a truly mismanaged and unstable company.

Seems the layoffs mostly affected tech companies and now US govt employees (but apparently, some of the govt layoffs are getting reversed).
 
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Pretty much as it sounds, although the mechanism for causing it isn't as obvious. There are people who find a negative shift in their mood throughout the summer months and can't be explained by socialising and living patterns alone.
 
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