Dream Killing Game

OK, I'm sorry, but that is a dream that kills itself.

Nothing good comes from you streaking through work.  A couple of the babes you wanted to ask out say "oh, I thought he was a guy".  Your boss starts to find you more attractive, and starts to put the moves on you.  You move in with her, into her nice four bedroom penthouse suite, but she asks you to sell off all your furniture, so you only keep your 10--speed (still bent from your last excursion), your music, and a hat.  After a few months,her supervisors find out, and fire her.  She wallows in self-loathing, and can't even get out of bed to eat her bon-bons.  Since she won't work, you take on 3 more jobs, drinking 5 hour energy drinks every 4 hours to stay ahead of the curve, and you work 24-7 in order to keep the rent up on the place.  You want to move out, but you have nothing bout a bent bicycle, 700 cd's and a hat to your name.  You end up working yourself to death, and your body is found a few weeks later in a ditch alongside the road.  Still wearing your hat, grease stained with bicycle chain grease, but someone even stole your bent bike.

....this feels way too much like reality... :innocent:
 
Your dream is that feels way too much like reality?:

Well this is reality and you have been off the mark for so long; it's time to finally let you know the truth. You are spider # 127 that resides in my brain. When you think you post, it is actually me pulling your 8 puppet strings. The matrix has you my friend and I'm afraid I cannot let you go because you are too valuable within my skull. Your ex-wife, your children, your job and your dry wall are all just thoughts I plant into your tiny spider mind. Iron Maiden? There is no Iron Maiden, you have been listening the cerebral fluid sloshing around in my head. You know what; maybe you aren't that important in there after all; #128 has been doing a much better job lately. I'm about to spray some Raid into my left ear, so until the next time.... have a nice SIN.

Hmmm, maybe I am smoking a bowl.

I am the Kraken from the original Clash of the Titans.
 
You are the Kraken from the original Clash of the Titans. Andromeda is frozen in fear since she is about to be gang raped all Spike Lee style, but a commotion in the ocean abates the crazed lunatics' lust. They turn to see one hand, then another, then another THEN ANOTHER hold on to the cliffs and you arise triumphant from beneath the waves! You roar arrogantly and can't understand why people are looking at you rather perplexed. Finally one speaks, "What is that?" Another says, "It's Godzilla!" Another corrects him, "Gojira! Jack ass!" "no no," yet another interjects, "It's the creature from the Blue Lagoon!" The nerd in the group again pipes up, "it's BLACK Lagoon! Good gods! Don't you people know your classic horror trivia?!"

Annoyed you pick him up, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You chomp his head off and roar at the crowd, "I'm the motherfucking KRAKEN!" You realize this is a crowd of nerds, which explains why they had to tie up a woman to have sex with her, as another says, "Isn't that a Nordic monster, not a Greek one? And why is Perseus and not Bellerophon riding Pegasus?" You roar once more to shut them up and say, "Does it matter?! I'm about to fuck y'all up!" "No I guess it doesn't in that case."

As you are about to begin your rampaged, much delayed by this idiotic nerds a little mechanical owl flies at you pecking at your scales. You scoff at it and swat it to the rocks bellow rather pleased with yourself, you bully, beating on the little owl. The nerds begin to flee in a mixture of fear and disappointment as they won't be able to gang rape Andromeda and they will die virgins. As you crush a group of them with one of your many hands you hear a hoot in the distance... You look up and you see a black mass in the horizon. Astonished you realize that it is a pack of owls! As the come closer you notice that the Harry Potter owls and the Gardians of Ga'Hoole have joined forces to avenged the death of their mechanical friend! You begin to munch and swat at the pesky birds as they cry, "Whooooooo are you? Who, who? Who, who?" You belch from the deepest depths of your gut, "THE MOTHERFUCKING KRAKEN!" not impressed the Owls continue their assault and while you were making noticeable progress at first, they are too many for you to handle and while nerdy humans were no match for you, nerdy owls proved to be too much. You have bled too much from your wounds and you slowly descend back into the ocean from whence you came and before the waves veil you forever you curse, "Fuck you Harry Potter! And fuck you too, Guardian's of Ga'Hoole!  How dare you get kids to read again?!"

Perseus lands at the edge of the cliff and thanks the owls for their help, but makes the mistake of saying, "You know, I can always just fix him up, after all his just a mechanical owl." The leader of the Guardians is flabbergasted, "What?! He was a fake? we were tricked?!" Perseus is also confused, "Sam Neal? WTF mate?" "I got a mortgage to pay! AFTER HIM!" The Owls cover Perseus leaving nothing but his bones. With bloodlust in their eyes and hungry for more deceitful human blood they begin their attack on Greece. Word reaches Sparta of a band of owls so high in numbers it is like that of an ominous black cloud that blots out the sun. Arrogantly they cry, "Then we shall fight in the shade!" No, no fight, they were just eaten alive by the owls.

In a matter of weeks the Owls have exterminated humanity from the planet... In only 6 months the oceans are cleaner, the grass is greener, the sun is sunnier... oh you get it, it was a good thing.

I wish it would rain.
 
You are at a Slayer concert and they play Raining Blood (close enough).  You are caught unawares between the two sides of a wall of death, are trampled underfoot, and die.

I wish it was already tomorrow.
 
You fly into the the engine of an F-16 charring and thrashing you in an instant. In turn the F-16 spirals out of control crashing into a small village in Afghanistan. Due to the missiles it was carrying the explosion is larger than normal and most of the village catches fire. When the pilot lands not to far off in his parachute he is immediately overtaken by Taliban sympathizers thinking it is an attack from the arrogant U.S of A. After being ass raped by all the surviving males in the village he's brutally beaten and then beheaded. Word reaches Osama Bin Laden who releases yet another Youtube hit highlighting the West's arrogance and balls for attacking a defenseless village. The cry reaches all corners of the Muslim world waking up sleeper cells everywhere, including Canada, Mexico and Cuba. The Canadian terrorists tred through snow, the Cubans swim to Miami and the Mexican's initially have trouble with the fence as they can't jump as high as actual Mexicans. Then they remembered they are terrorists and bomb the wall and keep on charging.  Vulnerable to a home attack yet again for having their forces spread to thin world wide, the terrorists gain ground quickly as the Military Brass wish they would have learned better from having played Risk so many times as children.

With the collapse of the United States the EU gives in as it is still wobbling economically and they don't have the resources to launch a cultural rescue.

But just as all hope seems to be lost a champion arises! Pope Benedict XVI, inspired by crusades of old, decides to incite a new Crusade against the Muslim infidels! Catholicism had championed before in Spain and it will come to the rescue once again! Like all crusades he offers material and spiritual rewards, a Euro a day plus any plunder (just think of all those abandoned Best Buys, Game Stops and wal-marts!) as well as the forgiveness of sins no matter how grave. This, in turn, instills hope in all defrocked and shamed pederast priests who see a way to flee secular prosecution and eternal damnation. They all take up the call and the numbers of them are shocking!

They form a two prong attack, one against the middle eastern territories, specifically Pakistan, Afghanistan and Turkey and one on the U.S. The attack on the U.S is in itself on two fronts. They attack the north east through Canada and the Southwest through the Mexico, the Muslims never imagined their own attack used against them. The crusader army of pederast priests not only take the Muslims by surprise, but horrified to suffer under their perverted lust  as many innocent children have, they surrender.

The Crusade is a success and slowly the United States is rescued from captivity, the Middle East is reorganized and managed well. The Pope, however, in true Medieval Style, imprisons the depraved priests that just saved the world and burns them at the stake saying, "God will sort them out."  The world is shocked and divided by his actions as he had promised forgiveness and new xbox 360s! Again in true Medieval fashion he doesn't give a shit as he practically controls half the planet now...

The world quickly descends into a second Dark Age.. the Pitch Black Age....

I need a new storage unit...
 
Negative, your Mother Board's gonna burn in 30 seconds.

I wish I fall in love with a woman that I’ll met at a restaurant
who’ll turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover
who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.
 
______no5 said:
I fought fire with fire  :P :P
Click to expand...

I assume this is your dream.  World leaders decide to take your advice, and the world ends in a nuclear holocaust.

I wish Onhell would kill dreams with less text. 
 
Invader said:
I wish Onhell would kill dreams with less text.  
Click to expand...

I do... all Apocalyptic prophecies come true... Jesus, Shiva, Krishna and Zoroaster unanimously decide you are not one of the lucky chosen and you don't win a new car... er, I mean, you are not "saved." But since you weren't so bad you just suffer mildly in Purgatory...

I wish for three more wishes
 
You are granted you 3 extra wishes.  However, your genie is Dick Cheney.  And, to get your three wishes, you have to go hunting with him. 
I wish that a geneticist would create a cross between a beta fish and a velociraptor, and it would be my pet.
 
Angel's three wishes anger the Gods for finding loop-holes in the wish-making machine. They punish him by taking away his opposable thumbs and giving them to some cat that happened to be walking by.

I wish I had more time to work out.
 
Deano said:
Hello. USA Prime Credit, my name is Peggy.....
Click to expand...

Hello Peggy, since you keep hanging up on people and leaving them on hold to see the pretty red lights, consumers report your commie ass to the BBB. Not the Better Business Bureau, oh no, they don't do crap. They report you to the OTHER BBB, Bodaciously Bad ass Babes, formerly known as Charlie's Angels. You see When Charlie died and the old Angels retired after only 5 seasons, the new batch of "Angels" had to change the name, because of copyright....

ANYWAY! They use their Bodaciously Bad ass skills to infiltrate the fridged tundra that is Siberia, in other words they just walk on in looking sexy since it is completely empty. Well, almost. The only thing in the barren landscape is your wooden shack filled with phones which is really easy to spot due to so many red "on hold" lights... Looks like a Rudolph orgy. They knock on the door and as soon as you open they shoot you in the face.... No more shitty costumer service from you... "Peggy." They procede to blow up the shack and walk away in slow mo looking Bodaciously Bad ass.


Travis_AKA_fonzbear2000 said:
I wish I was Eddie.
Click to expand...

You're Eddie. At first you are having a blast, after all being on stage with the guys and being adored by fans is pretty kick ass. People love it when you and Janick go at it on stage and as the shows go on your acting gets a little better.

But once the tour is over you go back home to the cemetery and to your shock you're married! To one ugly-ass zombie. You'd think that being a zombie yourself you'd find her hot, but you don't, you are very disgusted. Your marriage suffers as you cannot get aroused to necroly please your necro wife. Not only that, being so throughly disgusted is causing so much stress that parts of you keep falling, first your nose, which was horrid, because people kept thinking you were Wacko Jacko, then your ears and finally, your necro penis.

This leads your wife to believe you are just a closeted homosexual and reports you to the local church guild. They in turn form a good old fashion mob, drag you out of your tomb and say, "We've decided to kill you again... for good this time on the grounds of failing to perform your husband duty to please your wife's necro booty and for being a homo... we are narrow minded and backward and it sucks for you."

They light you with their torches and as you scream you wake up Steve who sees you burning and has an idea. He calls the rest of the guys and they have an impromptu show for the mob and other creatures of the night right there in the cemetery! They close with Wicker Man...

I wish I was Eric Cartman
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top