Aren't you married?
❤ Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread ❤
- Thread starter Night Prowler
- Start date
Aren't you married?
Siddharth
Long Distance Trooper
To be very fair, that is not the case. Both caught each other doing so (for months) and one would not smile in order to convey that.
Like I tried to explain before, if one is attracted towards other, can it be for that long? It's definitely more that just that.
I personally believe we would be great partners. Honestly, I see myself in her and pretty sure its the same from the other side. Worry not my friends, I will give you the update one fine day.
____no5
Free Man
No way.
@Siddharth wonderful story, I wish you had talked to her seemed to me a kind of light karma thing. One of the people you had to meet but nothing too strong to resolve. The fact that she didn’t reply is quite perfect honestly.
Don’t destroy that meeting. Let her be now.
If your paths have to be crossed again they will.
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
So I have a situation. The observant lot of of you might have noticed I went from calling my GF to my ex, to back to my GF. I chose to do that as we found ourselves in a situationship. She broke up with me before moving to the U.S, but a few months ago she proposed the classic Rom-Com pact of "If in a year, we're both still single, want to get married?" I said yes, because well.... I never wanted to break up with her, but she didn't want to do long distance. I wanted her to live through the experience of being abroad on her own and see if it really was what she wanted, turns out it is. So I'm more than happy to move back.
I have to think of us as well... "us," otherwise I'll go crazy trying to compartmentalize. Also... I get less questions from others. But the reality is we're "together." She keeps pointing out that I or her could meet someone else. Life... happens. I found the whole thing preposterous, well, of ME finding someone and I'm more than ok if she found someone. I want her to be happy, whatever that looks like.
On Monday I saw one of my coworkers I started with at the University 6 years ago. We've always gotten along and she always seemed comfortable around me, talking to me as though she's known me for years, steady eye contact, sitting next to me when there are plenty of other empty seats, etc. I always took it to mean she was sure of herself and didn't find me threatening or off-putting. Anyway, Monday. We're having small talk, I crack a joke, everyone laughs, my job is done I go pick up my stuff as I was about to leave. As I'm gathering my things in the teacher's lounge she comes in with a late lunch in hand and sits to eat. I noticed everyone else left for the day or to their classes. I was about to go home, but I felt bad just leaving her to eat by herself. I sat a couple of chairs over and the small talk, became a bit more personal, started talking about past relationships, life's craziness and the like. I told her I had joked with my students that I had had an epiphany, that I was 40 years old and had no friends. I mean, I do, but they all have lives of their own, families, responsibilities or live in other cities, states or countries. She says, "yeah, and sometimes you just want to go out, hang and have a beer." "Exactly." Then she says, "We should go out and grab a beer one of these days, you know? swap war stories." I was stunned. Did not see it coming at all. In retrospect, I remembered a friend's words when I was in a similar situation. He told me, "Onhell, a blind man could see that coming." So I said, "Yeah, definitely." "Excellent, we'll text, see ya!"
That "one of these days" is this Friday... I feel like a fucking teenager. At this stage I can usually tell if they see me as a friend or a prospect and with her... I don't know. I don't want to confuse her comfort and forwardness with flirting, when maybe she just sees me as that weird, funny coworker she can have a beer with. I guess I'll know more Friday. Stay tuned.
I have to think of us as well... "us," otherwise I'll go crazy trying to compartmentalize. Also... I get less questions from others. But the reality is we're "together." She keeps pointing out that I or her could meet someone else. Life... happens. I found the whole thing preposterous, well, of ME finding someone and I'm more than ok if she found someone. I want her to be happy, whatever that looks like.
On Monday I saw one of my coworkers I started with at the University 6 years ago. We've always gotten along and she always seemed comfortable around me, talking to me as though she's known me for years, steady eye contact, sitting next to me when there are plenty of other empty seats, etc. I always took it to mean she was sure of herself and didn't find me threatening or off-putting. Anyway, Monday. We're having small talk, I crack a joke, everyone laughs, my job is done I go pick up my stuff as I was about to leave. As I'm gathering my things in the teacher's lounge she comes in with a late lunch in hand and sits to eat. I noticed everyone else left for the day or to their classes. I was about to go home, but I felt bad just leaving her to eat by herself. I sat a couple of chairs over and the small talk, became a bit more personal, started talking about past relationships, life's craziness and the like. I told her I had joked with my students that I had had an epiphany, that I was 40 years old and had no friends. I mean, I do, but they all have lives of their own, families, responsibilities or live in other cities, states or countries. She says, "yeah, and sometimes you just want to go out, hang and have a beer." "Exactly." Then she says, "We should go out and grab a beer one of these days, you know? swap war stories." I was stunned. Did not see it coming at all. In retrospect, I remembered a friend's words when I was in a similar situation. He told me, "Onhell, a blind man could see that coming." So I said, "Yeah, definitely." "Excellent, we'll text, see ya!"
That "one of these days" is this Friday... I feel like a fucking teenager. At this stage I can usually tell if they see me as a friend or a prospect and with her... I don't know. I don't want to confuse her comfort and forwardness with flirting, when maybe she just sees me as that weird, funny coworker she can have a beer with. I guess I'll know more Friday. Stay tuned.
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
UPDATE: We met up at a bar near the University for beer and wings. Not surprisingly we got along great and had good conversation. She's a tad scatter brained, but nothing too bad. After like 4 beers or so she says, "So what are we doing next?" I panicked, because I hadn't thought that far ahead, really didn't think there'd be a "what's next." Just thought we'd have some drinks and see ya next week at work. So I just said "Dunno, have anything in mind?" "Yeah, want to go to the woods!? I know this great spot with an amazing view of the city." The woods? Has she not been seeing all the man vs. bear in the woods crap online? Also, not the first time a woman asks me to the middle of nowhere. I chuckled to myself remembering when I was like 25 when my soon to be GF asked me, "Want to go to the mountains with me and watch the storm?"
"Sure," and just like that we went to the forest. I thought it'd be a nice peaceful stroll through some trees, but nope. It was uneven ground, blazed trails of overgrown roots and dirt canals. I have my backpack with tests and my laptop, because I was not anticipating a fucking hike when I woke up that day. She's all like, "I come here all the time, I like to run the trails, you doing ok?" I'm several feet behind huffing and puffing, "Oh yeah, I'm doing alright." At this point my back hurts, my legs are shaking and it takes me a minute to climb the smallest of steps, but I wasn't about to give up. We finally make it to the spot and know what? She was right. The view was great, there were giant, smooth, circular rocks we could lay on and I just lay flat catching my breath for a few minutes. We took in the view, laid on the rock and chatted some more. After that we took an alternate route out of the woods and we each took our respective bus home.
Impromptu hike aside, I had a great time and it seemed she had fun as well. I texted her the next day and she texted back. I figured I'd let it be until I saw her again at work this week, but she texted me yesterday with a "Hey, what's up?" Therefore it's looking promising, whatever it turns into.
"Sure," and just like that we went to the forest. I thought it'd be a nice peaceful stroll through some trees, but nope. It was uneven ground, blazed trails of overgrown roots and dirt canals. I have my backpack with tests and my laptop, because I was not anticipating a fucking hike when I woke up that day. She's all like, "I come here all the time, I like to run the trails, you doing ok?" I'm several feet behind huffing and puffing, "Oh yeah, I'm doing alright." At this point my back hurts, my legs are shaking and it takes me a minute to climb the smallest of steps, but I wasn't about to give up. We finally make it to the spot and know what? She was right. The view was great, there were giant, smooth, circular rocks we could lay on and I just lay flat catching my breath for a few minutes. We took in the view, laid on the rock and chatted some more. After that we took an alternate route out of the woods and we each took our respective bus home.
Impromptu hike aside, I had a great time and it seemed she had fun as well. I texted her the next day and she texted back. I figured I'd let it be until I saw her again at work this week, but she texted me yesterday with a "Hey, what's up?" Therefore it's looking promising, whatever it turns into.
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chaosapiant
Ancient Marinade
It sounds like it's going to turn into a relationship. That doesn't sound like such a bad thing.
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
I know, there's just.... strenuating circumstances. Mainly my surgery in about 20 days or so. I'll be out at least 2 months between the hospitalization and bed rest.... yay. We'll see I guess.
Jer
A window to the west, a blazing star above
Pity fuck in 19 days, confirmed!
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
I don't know.... I was talking with a friend of mine a minute ago and he asked me, "So, you have a new girlfriend?" So I filled him in and said, "My life is a circus even when I don't want it to be." He laughs and asks, "How is it a circus?" "Well.... I went from no girlfriend to my ex basically proposing and a coworker asking me out." Reminded me of this one time when I was 28 or so a friend called to catch up and said, "How ya been?" "Oh you know, this that and whatever, seeing a couple of women, " "Dude, when aren't you seeing a couple of women?" "Hey! I'll have you know.... Huh, yeah, guess you're right." Except that when I was in my 20s that shit was exciting. Now... I don't want to hurt someone and someone is going to get hurt. So the grown up answer is no... no pity sex for Onhell. Not yet anyway lol.
chaosapiant
Ancient Marinade
Someone always gets hurt in love and in relationships. No matter the best intentions, it's just part of the human experience. Best you can do is be honest about your feelings and understand that sometimes, letting someone go is what allows them to find something for themselves.
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
I know. Still sucks. I do feel a little better. We, my ex and I, were talking the other day and it turns out she's getting an unexpected 2 week vacation, 5 days of which she wants to use to come visit some friends and family. Then she said, "And I want to come see you at the hospital." "Oh, that's really sweet, but you only have 5 days, don't you think they could be better spent with your family and friends you didn't see last time?" "Onhell, you're family, it's not a waste of time to visit you after your surgery." I figured, if I'm "family," our relationship and comfort level can survive an honest conversation. So.... I figured when she comes see me we can have a nice chat as to where we're at and what our future might look like.
I sent my coworker a happy mother's day text and she replied with, "....Hopefully we can celebrate soon." long story short, we have dinner plans for Wednesday. I'm wearing my hiking boots just in case will have a couple liters of water as well LOL.
I feel better about the whole thing in general.
Saapanael
Ancient Mariner
I haven’t had any game for years and I’m thinking of ways to meet someone. My current plan is to try my luck on a dating app, but since those platforms are very appearance-based, I’ll work out and build some confidence about my looks over summer to increase my chances. So I’m expecting to try Bumble sometime in August. Frankly, I don’t like the online thing much but I don’t see another option currently. I’m a decent guy, my heart’s in the right place but being alone so much is screwing with my head. I want to do things, go places and share emotions with another human. This year I’ve got my first full-time job and a car, now I want to progress in the relationship aspect of life as well.
Any advice? Maybe some suggestions regarding social situations I could get in to meet different people. I’ve been trying some options, and the few cases where I’ve been around young women (which have been very few in recent years), I feel like I seem at least somewhat charismatic for some of them. I need to unlock my good energy somehow. Working out is one thing that helps, but I’m looking for more options.
I would describe my current mental state as volatile. I have bad days and then I have occasional days when I feel genuinely happy, confident and without a single worry. If I could stay in that mood for a longer period and meet/talk to more women, I’m sure I’d find a girlfriend.
Long post, but simple problem, actually. So simple that I can’t quite find the solution.
Any advice? Maybe some suggestions regarding social situations I could get in to meet different people. I’ve been trying some options, and the few cases where I’ve been around young women (which have been very few in recent years), I feel like I seem at least somewhat charismatic for some of them. I need to unlock my good energy somehow. Working out is one thing that helps, but I’m looking for more options.
I would describe my current mental state as volatile. I have bad days and then I have occasional days when I feel genuinely happy, confident and without a single worry. If I could stay in that mood for a longer period and meet/talk to more women, I’m sure I’d find a girlfriend.
Long post, but simple problem, actually. So simple that I can’t quite find the solution.
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
Dating apps are mostly trash and rarely work. Don't see anything wrong with trying, but know that if you're not getting matches it's definitely not you, it's the app.
Something I've learned throughout the years is that striking up a conversation with someone is a piece of cake, the follow up is what's tricky and continuing the connection for days even more so. I'd say start with starting conversations with perfect strangers. Comment on their clothes like, "That's a nice/cool/dope hat you got there!" "thank you," "Where'd you get it? I've been meaning to get one (even if you haen't)". Or "I like your backpack! Looks sturdy." So same can be said of bracelets, pants, shoes, glasses, etc. Tattoos are a good one to. A student sat in front of me on the bus with some really cool tattoos. I thought about complementing her and ask her where she got them done, because I finally decided to get one, just don't know where/with who. Then it hit me. I'm a 40-something old guy asking a 20 something old gal about her tattoos.... decided not to be a creep and said nothing LOL.
Anyway, once you get the hang of that, just being able to start conversations effortlessly, next step would be to try it with a woman you bump into often, but for some reason you guys never speak. Like the barista at a local café, someone who takes the same bus/subway as you, classmate, etc. That way you can start building rapport. You start a short conversation one day, another one the next, before you know it, you got a buddy waiting to tell you what happened to them the previous day.
Cat Milk Supreme
Ancient Mariner
@Saapanael
3 of my best friends are in long term relationships with people they met on dating apps, like 5yrs plus, all of them. So apps can certainly work.
Have you tried any yet?
3 of my best friends are in long term relationships with people they met on dating apps, like 5yrs plus, all of them. So apps can certainly work.
Have you tried any yet?
chaosapiant
Ancient Marinade
I’m married to a woman I met on a dating app.
Edit: also going to add that if you comment on a cute girls tattoos, you can expect that she’s heard whatever you’re going to say a thousand times already.
Edit: also going to add that if you comment on a cute girls tattoos, you can expect that she’s heard whatever you’re going to say a thousand times already.
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
Agreed, best to avoid shit like, "why'd you get that?" "what does it mean?" and keep it general to "great design," "looks cool" "great detail,' etc.
Cat Milk Supreme
Ancient Mariner
Each to their own but personally I avoid basic, dull chit chat about obvious physical traits, in dating and non dating scenarios.
I have distinctive hair, have done for 20yrs and when someone asks me about it I die a little inside and judge them to be a bit basic.
Plus I don't ask people about their tattoos cos I don't really care about the answer. I wanna get to know someone a little in a casual sense and find out if I have any interest in them before I have to listen to their boring stories about their shit tattoos. But maybe that's a 'me' thing.
Jer
A window to the west, a blazing star above
Cat Milk Supreme
Ancient Mariner
Onhell
Infinite Dreamer
Def to each their own. I'm of the opinion that if you don't want people to point out the obvious.... don't do it. I had an afro for years, random people would come up and touch it without asking or ask if they could touch it, ask me how i got it so curly, etc. I loved it, never bothered me. The moment I shaved it off, surprise, no one cared about my basic hair. Don't want people commenting on your tattoos? don't get them on your face, neck, hands, sleeves (and wear short sleeved shirts), etc. I have a friend I had known for a few years before I learned he ha tattoos, because he could easily cover it up with a t-shirt. Turns out it is MASSIVE, goes from his right shoulder into his upper back and he doesn't have to talk about it unless he wants to.
Also, I'm talking about conversation starters with strangers for practice to become comfortable just talking and starting conversations. When actually wanting to date people it is a bit different.