❤ Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread ❤

Cat Milk Supreme said:
@Saapanael

3 of my best friends are in long term relationships with people they met on dating apps, like 5yrs plus, all of them. So apps can certainly work.

Have you tried any yet?
Click to expand...
I tried Bumble. Got a couple of matches but only one of the girls actually messaged me. The conversation was slightly fun at first but got stale quickly and she has now unmatched me, after a couple days of silence. So no progress, quite a waste of time.
 
Saapanael said:
I tried Bumble. Got a couple of matches but only one of the girls actually messaged me. The conversation was slightly fun at first but got stale quickly and she has now unmatched me, after a couple days of silence. So no progress, quite a waste of time.
Click to expand...
Give it time. One good chat could totally change your outlook. If you feel the chat going stale the try arrange a date, see if its stale in person.

For me, Bumble was no use. I generally click with more alt type folk and there wasn't many alt folk on Bumble in my area. Feeld was better in that regard. A few women I know prefer Hinge over Bumble and Feeld.

I will say that none of the apps really did it for me, I found the process time consuming, addictive and a little soul destroying. But the whole vibe can change with one good connection. Just be mindful of your mental state. Try not to get too high or too low.
 
Another thing to be aware of is how women experience these apps. Chances are that they get lots of matches every day. Lots of chats, lots of guys, most of them probably trotting out the same kind of chat and a lot of them looking for nothing more than a quick fuck and willing to lie to get it.

Be yourself, be honest but try to stand out. And never, ever be a dick if someone doesn't reply. That should be obvious but I've seen the absolute bile that some men thrown at women in chats. Don't be that guy. Women may seem aloof or untrusting. They have good reason, in many cases.
 
Cat Milk Supreme said:
Give it time. One good chat could totally change your outlook. If you feel the chat going stale the try arrange a date, see if its stale in person.
Click to expand...
I was thinking of asking her out because I’m not much of an online talker, but based on her replies, I don’t think we would’ve connected anyway.

Cat Milk Supreme said:
Another thing to be aware of is how women experience these apps. Chances are that they get lots of matches every day.
Click to expand...
I know, which makes it pretty impossible for a guy like me to stand out in the online crowd. I won’t uninstall yet, perhaps somebody will emerge, but I’m not hopeful about it.
 
Saapanael said:
Oh, I just ran out of potential matches…and my age range is already set to 18-34 (I’m 26).
Click to expand...
Push that age limit right up, baby! And/or try a different app.

There's a logic that says searching for The One results in never finding The One. Relax your parameters, change your expectations, adopt a casual attitude, maybe hook up a time or 2, it will probably increase your confidence, decrease your 'desperation' and that vibe change will make you more relaxed and attractive to others.

I've had a couple of long term, loving relationships in my life. They came when I least expected it and when I was actively NOT looking for anything serious. Someone just arrives into your life and that's it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jer
Cat Milk Supreme said:
I've had a couple of long term, loving relationships in my life. They came when I least expected it and when I was actively NOT looking for anything serious. Someone just arrives into your life and that's it.
Click to expand...

Also sometimes when least needing them.

Cat Milk Supreme said:
adopt a casual attitude, maybe hook up a time or 2
Click to expand...

I think you don't pay attention. If our dear friend could hook up there wouldn't be a problem in the first place. He feels completely blocked. There must be women around who sense those things and are willing to take that role, be patient, give love and eventually unblock others.

So my advice would be: @Saapanael when the time comes that a woman shows interest on you and you sense good intentions and heart, remember those words and don't reject her. Maybe she is not as beautiful as you were hoping for, or maybe she is older or married. She might not be "the one", but she might be "the one for now", thus be attentive, listen what she has to say and follow her.
 
____no5 said:
I think you don't pay attention. If our dear friend could hook up there wouldn't be a problem in the first place. He feels completely blocked.
Click to expand...
Attention was paid, baby and my response reflected my real world experience and was also based on our esteemed colleagues narrow age range and current situation.

To put it bluntly, a good (or bad) hook up can do wonders for the soul if one is feeling 'blocked.' And sometimes in order to achieve this one has to change one's desires/restrictions/parameters.

It's not for everyone and it's no silver bullet but it's worked for me in the past and I was merely mentioning the option.
 
So here’s the deal: a couple of months ago a girl I’d been seeing for about two years, totally casually every now and then catching a movie or going for a walk, told me that she had feelings for me, which I had suspected for a while. I never made the first move because I was never sure I liked her enough. Every time I saw her I thought she’d be more attractive if she took more care of her looks and so on. So when she let her feelings be known, all I could do was say that I see her as a friend, which is not exactly true. I have had many sexual thoughts about her but I can’t see a relationship with her. So I’m not sure it’d be fair to go for her just to sleep with her and then tell her that’s all I was looking for. On a couple of occasions in the past, she has asked me whether I’m planning any trips, like she wants to go on a trip with me. Last two summers I have travelled alone but I wouldn’t mind taking her along (and using that chance to get down to business). But she’s totally inexperienced, I’m pretty sure, and it’s hard to imagine a world where being FWB with her would work out. So now it’s a case of “looking for a better option and not finding it” and in the end I’m empty-handed and really frustrated.
 
Saapanael said:
I have had many sexual thoughts about her but I can’t see a relationship with her. So I’m not sure it’d be fair to go for her just to sleep with her and then tell her that’s all I was looking for. [...] But she’s totally inexperienced, I’m pretty sure, and it’s hard to imagine a world where being FWB with her would work out.
Click to expand...
If you're honest with her about where you're at, and she wants to mess around with you casually and see if anything comes of it, that's completely in no harm / no foul territory. If you're worried about tanking the friendship, you can always leave the choice in her hands.
 
Yah, as Jer says, be straight up with her and see what she says. But if she has feelings and you don't she might agree to a casual arrangement just to get close and be hoping for more. That would be bad form, in my view.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jer
Talking of dating and this being a metal forum....

This morning I got offered 2 guestlist slots to KK's Priest in Belfast tomorrow night. A friend of mine has oft said hes a friend of Tony Newton (and an associate of Maiden in the Early Days) and today he said he had got Tony to put me on the guestlist for tomorrow night. Much appreciated.

Then I wondered who would be my plus one.

Then I remembered the business card I'd been handed by a woman last week. We met at Gogol Bordello a few weeks ago, she fancied the woman I was with that night and she and me didnt interact much.

Then last week she cycled up to me in the street, we chatted, she said "I can't remember your name but by the look on your face you have no idea who I am." I admitted that I was stumped. She said "Gogol Bordello, you were with the really short one." And so I remembered all. Says I "Supreme, Cat Milk Supreme. Whats your name?" She handed me her card and cycled away. Very dramatic.

She seemed quite an interesting character so I text her today and we shall go see KK and the boys tomorrow night.

She said she doesn't put out for free gig tickets, I said I'd be disappointed if she put out for such a lowball offer as KK's Priest. Although I'm probably quite irresistible when I'm drunk, sweaty and doin air guitar so we'll see what happens.
 
Jer said:
Well, you can ask for one shot at glory, and if that fails, thanks to K.K.’s Priest you are free to then ask for one more shot at glory!
Click to expand...
* furiously searches to see if Priest have a song called One Shot At Glory to make sure I get the joke *

Pretty good tune. Hope yer man plays it tomorrow:shred:
 
Cat Milk Supreme said:
To put it bluntly, a good (or bad) hook up can do wonders for the soul if one is feeling 'blocked.' And sometimes in order to achieve this one has to change one's desires/restrictions/parameters.
Click to expand...

I absolutely agree! I said you don't pay attention because simply Saap is not that kind of person (yet, I hope). Actually it happened that an incredibly bad and uninspired hook up physically cured me once (something related to my stomach), so I know what magic a hook up can do.

Saapanael said:
So here’s the deal: a couple of months ago a girl I’d been seeing for about two years, totally casually every now and then catching a movie or going for a walk, told me that she had feelings for me, which I had suspected for a while. I never made the first move because I was never sure I liked her enough. Every time I saw her I thought she’d be more attractive if she took more care of her looks and so on. So when she let her feelings be known, all I could do was say that I see her as a friend, which is not exactly true. I have had many sexual thoughts about her but I can’t see a relationship with her. So I’m not sure it’d be fair to go for her just to sleep with her and then tell her that’s all I was looking for. On a couple of occasions in the past, she has asked me whether I’m planning any trips, like she wants to go on a trip with me. Last two summers I have travelled alone but I wouldn’t mind taking her along (and using that chance to get down to business). But she’s totally inexperienced, I’m pretty sure, and it’s hard to imagine a world where being FWB with her would work out. So now it’s a case of “looking for a better option and not finding it” and in the end I’m empty-handed and really frustrated.
Click to expand...

You are thinking too much Saap. What you did is quite unacceptable. Everybody has done such things though, but try to not deny ever again a woman that she's chosen you and then complain you are lonely, let alone if you have kind of feelings about her.

It will never be perfect, and even if it (seems it) is in the start, the price might be huge in the end.
 
Saapanael said:
So here’s the deal: a couple of months ago a girl I’d been seeing for about two years, totally casually every now and then catching a movie or going for a walk, told me that she had feelings for me, which I had suspected for a while. I never made the first move because I was never sure I liked her enough. Every time I saw her I thought she’d be more attractive if she took more care of her looks and so on. So when she let her feelings be known, all I could do was say that I see her as a friend, which is not exactly true. I have had many sexual thoughts about her but I can’t see a relationship with her. So I’m not sure it’d be fair to go for her just to sleep with her and then tell her that’s all I was looking for. On a couple of occasions in the past, she has asked me whether I’m planning any trips, like she wants to go on a trip with me. Last two summers I have travelled alone but I wouldn’t mind taking her along (and using that chance to get down to business). But she’s totally inexperienced, I’m pretty sure, and it’s hard to imagine a world where being FWB with her would work out. So now it’s a case of “looking for a better option and not finding it” and in the end I’m empty-handed and really frustrated.
Click to expand...

I think you did the right thing here. When I was in my 20s I was honest and clear with several partners about it just being "casual" and "fun" and "just sex," even if they said they were ok with it and understood, they eventually got hurt when they wanted more and I said, "no," and reminded them that we had agreed to something casual. Lost a couple of friendships due to that. So if you're not feeling it 100% and you don't want to end up hurting them, what you did is the best course of action. I wish I would've kept it in my pants more often when I was younger, would've saved a few people, including myself, a lot of needless pain.

For an update of my own, what I figured would happened happened. Due to my surgery and long recovery process things with my coworker cooled off. To the point that I sent her a message two weeks ago and she hasn't even seen it. I've seen her at work, she was pleasant, but it's in the back of my mind, "Why hasn't she even seen it?" To me that's worse than seeing it and not responding. Then she told me that she was going on a trip this weekend that "they" were paying for it. I just thought, "who's they?" But it's none of my business and again, we're still in very good terms at work. So I can say this is going to stay in the chummy coworker/peripheral friendship category. To my surprise, however another coworker, who was previously on a good morning nod basis, has started striking up unprovoked banter with me the past couple of days at work, so not all hope is lost.

As for things with my ex, I am relieved that we are on the same page, we have successfully transitioned from exes to good friends. We had a talk about a couple of weeks ago about it and it was good to see that we feel the same way. So now I'm just doing me, focusing on work, getting better from my surgery and personal projects.
 
Well, my date went well. We rocked out in a hearty fashion and talked well. KK was pretty good, Priest songs were obvious highlights, Ripper has a shockin impresive voice. Never listened to that cat before. Thought he might be miming at one point but I abandoned that line of thought and just enjoyed the show. The support band, Tailgunner were a lot of fun. I'd see them again.

Anyway, my date asked me to walk her partly home, I obliged, despite my obvious need for another margarita. We got to a point where she said I needn't continue, I took the moment and kissed her, often an awkward or nervous time of perceived missed opportunities but tonight it felt easy and free and natural. She reciprocated with passion and flair. It was a delight. We left eachother wanting more, I believe, both in terms of physicality and chat/craic.

All in all, a damn fine night, thank you Tony Newton. Hopefully his new gig keeps him away from Maiden live albums.
 
Goddamn, I’ve been so horny lately. Yesterday I was in a company of people and there was this hot girl that I had a decent conversation with. I feel like she was into me, even, but her boyfriend was right there and I was at their place so I didn’t push my luck by asking for her contact. Maybe I’ll randomly run into her again sometime in a better setting, who knows.
As for Bumble, I’ve had so few matches. There’s one good match with a girl who seems to be into music. I proposed we should go to a concert together, which she agreed to but doesn’t know when she’ll be free. I’m afraid of becoming a bit boring for her. I don’t know how many other guys she’s chatting with so I’d like to take her out earlier rather than later. I just want to see and get to know her, no rush with other things.
And then there’s the women I see at work etc. I wish I could just go up to one and ask if they’re down to fuck.
 
Ugh the, "I'm busy" or "don't know when I'll be free" is such a lame excuse. It's either their way to control the situation or they're legitimately busy. Both suck, because in one scenario they like playing games and that's just juvenile and immature or they don't know what they really want sooo, why are they on the app to begin with?
Also, don't think with your dick and flirt with the girl with a boyfriend. Never ends well.

All the people disagreeing with me in 3, 2, 1...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top