The Legend of the CHEESEVIVÖR - INCORRUPTIBLE BATTALION BATTLES 5&6 (Updated 06.12.20)

The bubblegum catchiness of that Elvenking song shouldn't be legal. Do I smell abit of Sonata Arctica?
It's a shame Serious Black sings about burning such pretty witches but they get my vote because I like their music.

Brothers Of Metal sound like a female version of Kamelot and I don't know if that's a good thing.
If Kryptos had a decent vocalist, I'd probably like it. .Great solo section.
 
Elvenking is terrible, with a terrible video that probably cost them a lot of money. I don't get what's happening in the Serious Black song. The lyrics sound like they are from a bad concept album, which is most likely true. Do we want the witches to burn? It sounds like we don't? But we do? I don't know.

Kryptos suck so bad their drummer couldn't even show up to the video shoot. Brothers of Metal win with an actually decent song with terrible chorus lyrics.
 

Thornbridge - Trace of Destruction
With a good run so far in this game, Thornbridge retreat to some rather generic power metal in this entry, ready to go all guns blazing in the next round.


Herman Frank - Fear
Our rather wasted heavy metal warriors lead by Herman Frank, on the other hand, are on a mission to... well, not warn us of all the dangers ahead but basically tell us that we're all going to be dead soon. And this was before 2020, mind.

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Warlock - Burning the Witches
And here's for some traditional 80's heavy metal back when it was modern and almost cool, not celebrated for ironic retro-charm.


Velvet Viper - The Spell from Over Yonder
This band around Blackie Lawless' transgendered corpse was pretty much universally loathed in this campaign and stand no realistic chance of reaching the next round anymore.
 
Going with the generic power metal. Hermie Frank and friends are a decent sounding band, even if they're trying a little too hard to be 'serious'. Verdict = not cheese. Thornbridge

Second pair are a tougher choice, they're incredibly similar. Warlock do benefit from the retro appeal. Velvet Viper, meanwhile, aren't nearly as amusing without a video featuring I-Cant-Believe-It's-Not-Blackie-Lawless. Going for Warlock, because they did it all first. And you know what they say about the first cheese, right?
 
When confronted with two generic, lab-made cheeses (as I am in the first match), I consult the lyrics. It is a resounding win for Herman Frank based on this total winner:

"No one will win and we're losing the time
Humans will vanish and earth will be fine
A new dawn will rise and tales will be told
Soon it's forgotten and history's old"

Warlock gets a pass from me because, as you said, they are so old that their cheese is so genuine. It's single-origin, family-owned, certified organic, no GMO, gluten-free, original grade A cheese. Which almost makes it...not cheesy at all. Once again voting for the atrocity of cheese that is Velvet Viper. It's like turning on your car stereo only to have an entire brick of moldy Velveeta come out.
 
Both songs in the 1st pair were solid. Thornbridge had better vocals so going with them.

Both songs and the bands in the 2nd pair were horrid. Female Klaus Meine vs. Female Blackie Lawless. Went with Doro as she's at least somewhat established.
 
That was Herman Frank's best offering yet. Thornbridge was fine, but Frank was pushing into the sweet cheese zone. I suspect he only flirts with that border, which is a shame.

The day may come when the strength of Warlord fails, but it is not this day. This day they fight - and win!
 

Gloryful - The Warriors Code
Incorruptible Battalion is already decided on who will advance. This is the battle of the losers. Gloryful have not been able to live up to their name, but maybe the very nice use of a Cheese Chorus in this one can score them a few sympathy points. Please note 5:07 in the video.


Rocka Rollas - Blazing Wings
And Rocka Rollas have equally failed to make much of an impact. They have scored double the votes of Gloryful and yet not managed to get a win or tie. Shameful, shameful indeed.

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Running Wild - The Rivalry
The battle of the winners is far more impressive, with Running Wild having secured their advance to the Round of 16 with ease. Also, the video - WTF? Master and Commander is not a pirate film!


Frozen Land - The Fall
These guys have an amazing batch of WTF lyrics thanks to which they are among my favourites from this Crusade. So I'm glad they're getting another shot next round.
 
Both bands in the first pair suck. I'm voting for Gloryhole because at least there is a video that can keep you from falling asleep.
Running Wild, always Running Wild.
 
I'm glad I hung on for 5:07. Not a terrible song, only moderately tacky. Giving it to Rocka Rollas for being the more tacky of the two tracks, failing to sound like Priest, and the great artwork - is that flowing Viking nasal hair?

Running Wild sound like fairly standard music to me. Maybe I'm being hardened to cheese? I can't work out what's going on with Frozen Land, but they sound suitably earnest and dramatic. Are they Italian?
 
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