Lame and not so lame jokes

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a pizza. After he is done eating, he takes out a machine gun and starts shooting around wildly. Then he walks out, but a waiter stops him and says:
"What the hell was that all about?"
"Look me up in the dictionary," the panda replies. At home, the waiter takes out a dictionary and reads:

pan·da
noun
A Chinese mammal that eats shoots and leaves.
 
A local newspaper had hired a new guy on the desk. One night they got in two articles right before deadline. One was about an 80-year old man who had become a father despite his high age. The other one was about an accident where a hunter had fired a stray shot, wounding his hunting companion. Of course the new guy on the desk messed up the headlines. When morning came, the paper had the following front page:




80 year old becomes a father.

-I didn't know the gun was loaded!
 
There was a rumour spreading around the forest - bear has a hitlist of animals he wants to kill. A fox, a wolf, an owl and bunny were discussing the issue. Fox says - what the hell, i'm gonna talk to him. On she goes.

Fox : Listen bear, i heard that you have some sort of hit list?
Bear : Yup.
Fox : Well, am i on it?
Bear : Yup.

Dazzled, she walks away and the next morning they found her dead in the bush. So in comes the wolf.

Wolf : Ey bear, you have a hitlist?
Bear : Yup.
Wolf : Do you see my name on it?
Bear : Yup.

Frightened, he walks away and the next morning they found him dead in the bush. So in comes the owl.

Owl : Hello my dear friend, is that a hitlist you're holding?
Bear : Yup.
Owl : Heh, i couldn't resist myself from peeking, is that my name in the 3rd row?
Bear : Yup.

Dissapointed, she walks away and the next morning the found her dead in the bush. So in comes the bunny.

Bunny : Is that a hitlist?
Bear : Yup.
Bunny : Is my name on it?
Bear : Yup.
Bunny : So, will you erase it?
Bear : Yup.

:D :D
 
Oh, it is.  And it made me chuckle.  But WE MUST BE SENSITIVE TO MINORITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!oneoneoneeleven
 
LooseCannon said:
Oh, it is.  And it made me chuckle.  But WE MUST BE SENSITIVE TO MINORITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!oneoneoneeleven
Click to expand...

*sigh*

Okay, If any GLBT felt offended by it... I'll personally delete my post...
 
Sarcasm, my friend.  Sarcasm.  As long as it's a pun (which it is), I am amused.  If we had serious complaints, it wouldn't be dealt with in the Madness forum.
 
LooseCannon said:
Sarcasm, my friend.  Sarcasm.  As long as it's a pun (which it is), I am amused.  If we had serious complaints, it wouldn't be dealt with in the Madness forum.
Click to expand...

*breaths sigh of relief*

For a second there, I thought I had died and ended up in MOD hell...  :)

next bad pun:

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

:bigsmile:

“The state legislature could not decide whether to fund the water control project or the all weather stadium. It was a no win situation. Dammed if you do, domed if you don't.”
 
What looks like roast beef, smells like roast beef and tastes like roast beef?


-----SPOILERS------













-----YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, LOOKING ANY FURTHER DOWN CAN AND WILL CAUSE YOUR HEAD TO ASPLODE-------










-------NO  REALLY IT'S TRUE, THE NINJAS TOLD ME...  :ninja:--------












ROAST BEEF!
 
AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

scanners4.gif
 
A snail walks into a pub, and seeing him the landlord comes rushing over, saying "Sorry, we have a strict policy against snails in the bar", and kicks him out the door.

A year later to the day, the same snail walks into the pub and says "What'd you do that for??"
 
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