CHEESEVIVÖR: The Book of Metal: ALL HAIL VICTORIUS!

THE LAST BATTLE


  • Total voters
    9
  • Poll closed .
The Marius-Virgin Steele battle is as close as it deserves to be.
 
Marius certainly wields a lot of cheese and a hefty Iron Maiden-worship in this round, but Virgin Steele is creamier and more pungent.

Final Chapter is just pure golden mustiness.
 
Skull Fist - Sign of the Warrior
Skull Fist emerged as the victors from Mighty Battalion, a moderately successful group in which all the warriors were quite close in their results.

Dreamtale - October is Mine
Whether October truly is Dreamtale's is up for you to decide. Whether they ever begin making sense is up to them.

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Yuri Fulone - The Time of the Sword
Yuri swept August Battalion with three clear victories, which was no mean feat given that none other than Virgin Steele (who died too soon in the last battle) were hot on his heels. Yuri, no doubt, is one of the great heroes of this war.

Assedium - Legions of the Underworld
The same can not be necessarily said for Assedium, who made the round of 16 thanks to a victorious tiebreaker after having lost two battles in Glorious Battalion, an empire claimed solely by Marius Danielsen.
 
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I'll be honest, Skull Fist hasn't quite hit peak cheese before. I've voted for them out of national pride in many cases. But this seems like they've saved something a bit more for the knockout brackets. That opening scream was grand. Their new album drops this week and they'll hopefully swing through Ottawa on tour! But man, Dreamtale has a great intro, but does it sound a little formulaic? Then again, there's a special bit of cheese for the band that does lyric videos for songs with totally insane and nonsensical lyrics. It's close, but I'll let national pride reign and vote for Skull Fist.

Oh, Yuri starts strong here with the terrible violin into a very crunchy riff. Great lyrics, peak cheese stuff, even if the voice isn't the cheesiest of cheese voices. Still, a mighty blow. Assedium tries, goodness, they try, but they falter out of the gate with weak vocals and a weak riff. This battle is short and violent, Assedium falls, the glorious Yuri Falone is victorious.
 
Dreamtale start off here by sounding like an Alestorm CD skipping. They can have October.

Yuri is mighty. He must do battle with Magnus/Marius Danielsen.
 
Oh fuck, Dreamtale had my vote before the singing even started. Skull Fist's song is bargain-barrel cheese. October, you belong to Dreamtale.

Yuri's brilliant cheese wins this by a mile. Assedium is just bad, and not funny bad like Yuri. That opening solo is atrocious and so are the vocals.
 
Claymorean - Silent Guardians
Claymorean took the Unbreakable Battalion ahead of Thobbe with a decent 15 points and a 2 victory/1 stalemate record, although they can't say to have taken our hearts by storm the way a Marius or Yuri did.

Victorius - Lazer Tooth Tiger
Although Victorius were only the runners-up to Heroic Battalion, they are on the same record as Claymorean. It is clear that their battle concept of Dinosaurs versus Aliens had people intrigued, but will the Lazer Tooth Tiger lead them to higher echelons?

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Freedom Call - Hammer of the Gods
I have to admit that I was a bit surprised to see this band take the Immortal Battalion, but at only 13 votes, their record is weaker than that of most runners up, so I guess that's alright.

Ravensire - Stay True, Stand Tall
This band remains a bit of an enigma. Although they are, let's say, musically more diverse than most other bands in this crusade, they took the second spot in Golden Battalion (leaving Antonio Giorgio's Golden Metal with no chance).
 
Victorius ... holy living hell, do I love this band. They have the best, and stupidest, subject matter in this entire game and their cheese stinks up the whole world.

Freedom Call is standard cheese, but I shall give it a vote.

The Claymorean and Ravensire songs are straight up terrible.
 
That Claymorean offering would benefit from better production, it does have its moments. Got to give it to Victorius, however, for their fitting tribute to the most metal fictitious animal ever. Hilarious.

Freedom Call's verses were quite nice, let down by a generic chorus. I quite like Ravensire's guitar sound, but the whole thing rambles on, never quite breaking into that gallop they keep promising. Will go for Freedom Call.
 
Claymorean starts with something near a vocal solo, with a vocalist who needs instruments to disguise his lack of supreme vocal talent. That's a bold cheese move, no matter how you cut it. He's not bad in his range, but terrible outside of his range. The song itself is fairly pedestrian. Now, Victorius - let's get real here. They made an entire album about the Power Rangers, but then tweaked it so it isn't quite about Power Rangers, because they don't want to get nailed for copyright. That's a beautifully cheesy thing to do. This song, of course, is about the White Ranger's Zord, Tigerzord. Tigerzord has an alternate humanoid form, but it achieves greatest success when merging with the various Thunderzords into either Mega Tigerzord or Thunder Ultrazord. Mega Tigerzord formed when the Red Ranger was unavailable and Tigerzord's humanoid form was forced to take over the central piece of the Thunder Megazord; meanwhile, once the Red Ranger returned all six primary Zords could form Thunder Ultrazord. Anyway in tiger form Tigerzord can shoot lasers from his eyes. Not lazers. Lasers. Victorius. Also the song isn't bad.

Freedom Call has a lovely little simple cheese song. Nothing too indulgent. Nice quick beat without being too heavy, unnecessarily layered vocals, and riffs that feel ripped off. This is pretty good, if not championship-level, cheese. Ravensire is kinda doomy, but it's not good at it. I find this to be a fairly close one, but I am going to lean towards Freedom Call.
 
This song, of course, is about the White Ranger's Zord, Tigerzord. Tigerzord has an alternate humanoid form, but it achieves greatest success when merging with the various Thunderzords into either Mega Tigerzord or Thunder Ultrazord. Mega Tigerzord formed when the Red Ranger was unavailable and Tigerzord's humanoid form was forced to take over the central piece of the Thunder Megazord; meanwhile, once the Red Ranger returned all six primary Zords could form Thunder Ultrazord. Anyway in tiger form Tigerzord can shoot lasers from his eyes. Not lazers. Lasers.

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Domine - Dawn of a New Day (Celtic Requiem)
What new day is this, you may ask? Well, it's the Quarter Finals! Yes, we finally made it there. The most epic of crusades is slowly reaching its climax, and our Italian heroes DOMINE made it all the way until here, and if I may allow myself a prediction, probably beyond.

Helloween - Are You Metal?
Although Helloween may have a few things to say about that. Well... maybe one thing. A question, perhaps, I wonder if Mr Deris is managing to get it across, though.

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Marius Danielsen - Haunting My Dreams
Marius still does not seem to have lost any steam and his Legend of Valley Doom is continuing to leave us all baffled at how much cheese can fit into a single piece of music.

Final Chapter - Eternal Deep
For a band called Final Chapter, there have been a lot of entries in this Crusade. They've probably never been one of the favourites, but they have always stood their ground admirably. But can they stand up against Marius?
 
Domine was enjoyable but overstayed its welcome by about 6 minutes. This particular Helloween song is short but extremely stinky, and thus gets my vote.
In the second pair, Marius is completely untouchable.
 
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