Rant Thread

Pretty much. At least what I did is so profoundly stupid that no one would think of it and decide to blame me. :blueangel:
 
5 week vacation almost over, 2 weeks until surgery which will result in me losing my job and having to learn a new one at 33 years old. Well I didn't like my job a lot but my colleagues made it worth every single day and I hate working with new guys.
 
FTB said:
2 weeks until surgery which will result in me losing my job and having to learn a new one at 33 years old.
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Sounds like you live in America, but I don't think you do. Sorry to hear that you need surgery and I hope it goes as well as possible.
 
There's a dopey fly following me around the house. Every room I go into, it follows. If I try to cook, it lands on the food. If my phone is switched on, it lands on my phone. If I watch TV, it lands on the TV. It's currently trying to land on my face.
 
I need to get a few things out of me. I've talked about being discontent with my friends and it just keeps happening, I keep letting my heart get broken by them. I've realised that the biggest cause for this is that I give all my energy away and don't get nearly as much in return. It's always their problems, their bad mood, their misery that needs fixing. They always find shit to moan about, always something that is not right. Where exactly does this attitude get you but further into your own pool of misery? Try explaining that to a gang full of serial whiners. We've had so many great moments together and they are always ruined by someone's discontent towards something. I always end up taking other people's shit, trying to stay neutral to it as much as possible but I can't do it. There's a guy I often think of in these situations and generally look up to (literally as well, cause he's hella tall lol) for his ability to remove people from his life the moment they show any sign of disrespect towards him. He walks away and does his own thing but has some people that are really close to him, so that makes it easier.
My band members are the opposite of this whiny mentality but neither do I feel completely at home in their company. Really grateful for having them though. As a result of almost never being in company where I can fully be myself and enjoy it, I cherish the little moments when people's goodness shows. One of my main activities this summer has been just going out walking or riding my bike and trying to find little contacts with people, exchange meaningful looks. I've gone to the local little shop countless times just to talk to someone for a brief moment, often in hopes that someone will come and notice me for what I am and take all these problems away in an instant, but I know it doesn't work that way. For some reason, I feel like complete strangers (not all of them of course) understand me better than my own friends of 10+ years. Just yesterday in Sweden, there was an event at a park where some cops handed out all kinds of stuff. I went and got a temporary tattoo with the Swedish police logo, and the way this officer spoke, casually but with utmost respect and friendliness, made me overjoyed and also sad that I can't get this kind of pleasant treatment from anyone I know personally. Symbolically speaking, I'd like to fall into the strong arms of the officer and be taken away from all the hurtful people.
I hate loneliness but these "friends" have made me feel a lot worse than I would've felt alone. So many things about them make me sick but beneath the layers of whiny-ass moaning and prejudice and hypocrisy, there's good in each one of them, and I find it hard, impossible even, to leave them behind once and for all and move on with my life. I've been waiting for school to start, though, to meet new people and stop this cycle of having to feel like shit because my friends are shit. In the broader scheme of things, such bad relations lead to a constant feeling of being lost and alone in the rain. I try to better myself and not think of having a good social life too much, but I love people so much.
A guy I used to go to school with, two years younger than me, committed suicide a couple of days ago. I never talked to the guy but I thought of him many a time, he seemed very cool. He was quite popular and I can't help but wonder if he felt a very similar feeling of being lost or "alone in a crowd" all along.
 
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We've talked about this before - you're growing up, and your friends aren't. I mean, this is part of life, realizing that the people you've been close to in the small funnel of high school simply don't suit your personality. I really am not friends with anyone I knew in high school anymore, with one notable exception.

Everyone has shit moments, because nobody is perfect, but if people are being that shit, it's time to move on.
 
It's a hard lesson to learn sometimes that you do not need to be friends with everyone who seems nice. Some friendships are worse than bad relationships. It's legitimate to "break up" with friends.
 
You're moving on, and fast, Saap. Are you the kind of person who wants to travel, meet new people, have lots of new experiences?
 
I was just going to post what @Perun said - it's very difficult, especially when you're young, to draw the line and close the door to such friends. It is always for the better if you can do it, though. Hopefully, with the new school, you will find the right people who make you feel at home.
But there's something else (I may have mentioned it before) - what I think matters the most is that you embrace your own identity and learn to be comfortable with who you are. This, too, comes with time and experience.
 
Brigantium said:
You're moving on, and fast, Saap. Are you the kind of person who wants to travel, meet new people, have lots of new experiences?
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Maidenfans meetup!

Ariana said:
But there's something else (I may have mentioned it before) - what I think matters the most is that you embrace your own identity and learn to be comfortable with who you are. This, too, comes with time and experience.
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Yes, definitely. "Be yourself" is something many people will tell you, but it is hard to learn to do. There's so much pressure in the world to be someone you are not. And we all succumb to it from time to time, but learning to be you, to enjoy who you are...that's the key.
 
LooseCannon said:
Yes, definitely. "Be yourself" is something many people will tell you, but it is hard to learn to do. There's so much pressure in the world to be someone you are not. And we all succumb to it from time to time, but learning to be you, to enjoy who you are...that's the key.
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I would go one step further and say that sometimes people have a wrong idea of who you are, and that you may knowingly or unknowingly try to be the person they think you are instead of just telling them that they're wrong about you.
 
Thank you for the suggestions and kind words, it helps.

Brigantium said:
Are you the kind of person who wants to travel, meet new people, have lots of new experiences?
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Absolutely, I constantly yearn for these things. But I'm bad at making the best of opportunities and have missed so many potential friendships/relationships due to not having the balls to just go and get to know people.
 
And did those people make an effort to get to know you? It's a two way thing. And besides, you're still really young, you've got lots of time.
 
Saapanael said:
Absolutely, I constantly yearn for these things. But I'm bad at making the best of opportunities and have missed so many potential friendships/relationships due to not having the balls to just go and get to know people.
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You just need to come to a Maidenfans meetup and hang out with me.
 
People are idiots.

"Hey, I'm Person (40), I'm unemployed, not married, no children, no savings, you think I can get a UK visa to stay there for 6 months as a "tourist"?"

"Yeah, sure, the Queen will wait for you at the airport!"
 
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