Mental Health Thread

Do you fear death, dying, etc.?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 23.5%

  • No

    Votes: 20 39.2%

  • Trying my best to not think about it

    Votes: 15 29.4%

  • Never really thought about it and I'm unable to come up with an answer on a spot

    Votes: 4 7.8%
  • Total voters
    51
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This is a still from an Estonian TV series from 2013. At first glance, a normal series starring kids as main actors. The morbid truth is that both children on the picture have commited suicide by now. The boy went to my school and took his life shortly after I graduated. He was 17, I think. The girl died last year and the cause of death was now revealed as suicide. She was 18. It’s unbelievable how those two met the same fate.
 
A couple of years ago, we played with the band on a piece of land owned by a friend’s family. We played there two Midsummer’s Eves, two years in a row. The friend’s father was the sort of guy who was working from dawn till dusk, taking care of the place and preparing for the midsummer party. Pretty repectable guy right from the start. On the second year, the morning before or after the party, we were having breakfast on the terrace with the friend’s family and other folk, including the band members. Gradually people moved away from the table, until it was just me and the father left sitting in the scorching summer heat. He was smoking and shared a story about a near-death experience he had had in the river right next to the house. He was talking in a sincere manner and I listened with interest. Although I didn’t have much to say in return, I felt at ease because there was no judgement, just mutual respect. In those days, I was fed up with some of the band members and with life in general, and although the place was great, I’d had my doubts about being there. And then the friend’s father finished the conversation by looking me in the eyes and saying: “Know that you are always welcome here, no matter what happens.” It was one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me, and very needed at that moment. He might have noticed my distress, perhaps because I didn’t spend much time together with my peers but seeked refuge in the company of others, say at the breakfast table. It doesn’t matter why he said it the way he did. The point is that being nice to people can have a significant impact. One sentence can make a person’s day, and their life worth living again.
 
I don't worry much about normal death, but in the last couple of years, I have been afraid of drying in some really gruesome manner, like being murdered, and having my corpse raped. Especially if my murderer is a person I know personally, and with whom I share a strong mutual hatred. That's the most horrible death I could think of.
 
I've already said I don't fear death but what I do fear are panic attacks while driving. Have had them since December of 1999. I can no longer drive on the highway. As a passenger I'm okay to a point. Local roads? Depends upon how much traffic there is. If I'm on main street in my town and need to take a left to head the other way and I am surrounded by cars going by me on both sides of the road it can be quite terrifying.
 
I’m wondering how I could spice up my life. Since I feel like going crazy when I’m at home, I usually go outside to walk around and drink beer in the evenings. It’s a very meaningless activity but it beats staying inside and sober. Still, I’d like to think there’s something more to life than perpetually trying to escape sobriety.
 
Saap, you´re a talented musician. I remember your Opeth/Dream Theater selfwritten song. Wouldn´t you like to write more songs, make an album, play live?
 
MindRuler said:
Saap, you´re a talented musician. I remember your Opeth/Dream Theater selfwritten song. Wouldn´t you like to write more songs, make an album, play live?
Click to expand...
I have many songs in the making but I'm bad when it comes to finishing them. But I promise you there will be more to come! :ok:
Brigantium said:
Travel? You sound stuck in a rut
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No money for that. Travelling alone is a bit scary anyway, but I'd probably be able to overcome the fear.
 
You’re not the only one. There are a lot of people with these feelings. More than you can think.
You’re passing trough a severe depression and low self stem. I had some long periods like these and you can overcome.
Have you seen a specialist that can help you trough therapy?
 
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