Let's try and get 1,000,000 replies to this post

Got a meeting with the letting agents on Saturday, so hopefully this crap with the landlord will be sorted out then.
Just eaten some vanilla wafers with a hot chocolate and feel sick now
 
A friend of mine asked for me to write a short story in English (he had to deliver a story to pass on his English course). I think he's on the intermediate level, here's the story I wrote in about ten minutes, is it too much ?

"A man, whose destiny was decided from birth, looked for remedies not to surrender to the vulgar, hackneyed and made up factuality that was fatalism. He had to destroy the walls he built for himself to feel isolated from sin-filled society to set him free from himself. Thought to be safe, thought to be mature he was, he had to learn the realities hidden behind the curtain in the hardest way possible. In the depths of lack of self-esteem, he had to remember the days when he was confident and brave, and the days he felt he was never going to be taken down. Stuck in the momentary lapses of reason, he shouted it was enough and looked for revenge from his eyes that were turned to red from hatred for actions of himself.

He was known as a poised, cold-blooded young man. He scattered the seeds of self-indulgence and looked to succeed upon those who had made him disappointed, both for himself, and for others. He knew he wouldn't be afraid to take the leap, jump on the boat that would sail him into the land of succession. And the day when he saw the launching pad, he wasn't going to look back and remember the ones he cared for, for whom didn't care for him in the first place.

On a cold, bitter winter evening, he broke out from the prison he was sent to, the prison that was labelled "home". Sneaked into the bar where the love of his life was hanging out with her friends. The more she laughed, more bitter he got. The more she sent the particules of joy to the air, the darker the evening became, eventually ending up as the night. He ordered a couple of drinks to get away from the latest pieces of reason standing still on the back of his mind.

Seconds were watched by minutes, minutes were watched by hours and every man left one by one. It was the launching pad he waited for so long, society gave him a change to rise, a chance to duel with his despairs. He tasted his latest sips from his bottle of wine, stood up gently, went straight to the girl he was so desperately in love with, like he did for the first time he told her that he loved her. Known to be lacking in self-confidence, he didn't lack for two times. And there it was, the second time he was confident. He walked slowly with the bottle in his right hand, said hello and hit her on the head as soon as she looked back to him. The blood gushed out from her head to fill the empty bottle with blood, not wine this time. The scene was painted red, like it always was for him. The colour of hatred turned into colour of death, the grim reaper landed on a lone bar and left with glorious fashion.

And there he was standing, proud to be messing around with bleak destiny, isolated from the society once again, in a prison that was labelled "jail"."
 
No offense Flash, but you might want to write your friend something else if you don't want him to be labeled a psycho. :blink:
 
The Flash said:
Thought to be safe, thought to be mature he was, he had to learn the realities hidden behind the curtain in the hardest way possible.
Click to expand...

Are you Yoda in disguise? :D

No, I guess this qualifies as a good short story. The main point of those is a surprising twist at the end, aight? And with murder, you are definitely delivering a surprising twist.
 
I'm known to be a good writer but since I write in Turkish I wasn't sure about how would it turn out when I try to write in English. Cheers.

And Perun, this really is my style, I have so many horrific, absurd stories. :D The best thing about those is they're mainly based on me, but of course, incredibly exaggerated.
 
Flash, first of all, this is nowhere near intermediate level. Any average teacher would notice that wasn't him writing.
Second, English classes do not typically encourage stories longer than 500 words.
 
Yeah, I know. But I really can't write in intermediate level, it just seems odd to me. Anyway I think my friend wouldn't care I certainly am not writing another one :p
 
The teacher would care. Any teacher knows in advance what each story would be like, because they not only know their students' interests but also their style and vocabulary.
 
The guy won't pass the course if he doesn't deliver one story, he doesn't want to write one. At this point, I'm sure it won't matter to him if teacher cares or not.

Should I fake it and find a story on the net ?
 
No offence, but if a student submits this thing to me, I'd give them F, without bothering to read beyond the fifth word.

The story shout be about 2oo words, simple sentences, hardly any perfect tenses, the occasional spelling mistake here and there. Try to fake THAT!
 
I was just there. ;) Is this ok ?

Two guys were having a drink at the bar. After they were done drinking they went back to their home to lay down and sleep. When they reached to the door of their home, one of the guys noticed that the door wasn't locked. He asked the other guy if he locked the door before going out. The other guy was so drunk he couldn't remember. The door seemed to be forced. Guys stepped forward. The lamp in the entrance was broken. One of the guys went to the living room to check out if everything was alright. And then he saw a dead body lying on the couch. He was shocked. He tried to reach out to his other friend who went to the bathroom as soon as they stepped in. His friend didn't hear him. The guy panicked and tried to call the police, only to realize the phone wasn't working.

He decided to look for help outside and walked back to the door. Then his friend showed up, smashed a bottle of wine on his head and killed him. It was later found out that it was the other guy who killed their roommate. He killed him before he went to the bar to have a drink. The police later arrested him and sent him to prison for the rest of his life.

(I think I have a thing for smashing a bottle of wine on somebody's head :p)
 
That's better. I'd only simplify the structures in He tried to reach out to his other friend who went to the bathroom as soon as they stepped in., and The guy panicked and tried to call the police, only to realize the phone wasn't working.
 
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