❤ Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread ❤

Saapanael said:
Do you…

a) text her you like her?
b) text her, asking to meet up to tell her you like her in person?
c) wait for the natural opportunity to see her and tell her in person?
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Combination of B & C. Text her saying you haven’t seen her in a long time and want to catch up. Assuming she accepts, wait for a natural opportunity during that in-person conversation to lay out a non-creepy version of your feelings that doesn’t outright profess your love, but makes it clear that you think about her a lot and would like to spend more time together.

If you’re not sure whether she’s dating someone else or not, you may want to steer the early conversation in a direction where she would naturally mention any boyfriend she might have without it being really obvious that you’re trying to figure that out. That gives you an exit ramp if you need one.
 
Saapanael said:
There is a girl you’ve liked for nearly four years. You haven’t seen her for 1.5 years but she lives in your head every day. It feels like you have to reveal your feelings to her or you won’t be able to move on with your life. You’ve come to think that this is real love you’re feeling, not mere infatuation.
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Saap, not only your dreams are rich, your life is too! I would write her a letter with above phrase somewhere. (or a song ;) @MindRuler )

I can't tell you what to do as I don't know what are you going to achieve, or by when; or what her character is and other background, such as if she lives far etc.
You first need to be clear what you want to achieve. If everything were possible what would be the perfect "outcome" with her?
Marriage? Relationship? Or just tell her how you feel? Something else? By when?
Then according to what your goal is and in combination with what her character is and other givens, you build your strategy.
But first things first: Are you clear what would be the perfect outcome if it were completely in your hands?

And also: In a scale 0 -10 how committed you are to do everything it takes, all with good intentions and means to achieve your goal?
 
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Something weird happened.

I texted her in the morning, just casual talk, and then spontaneously decided to tell her I’d like to catch up with her. She didn’t reply. About five hours later, she posted a status (new feature on IG, I think. All followers can see it.), which read:

doesn’t it bother you to have these words just stare at you?

That seemed quite obviously directed at me (although I can’t know for sure). I was coming home from gym and the store, meanwhile trying to make sense of what the hell was going on. Had I really gone too far? I had been sensitive in my wording. Anyway, got home and saw she had finally replied that she’s not sure about meeting (which I took as a “no” of course). I thanked her for the reply and said it was getting awkward already. In the end, it turned out fine. I tried and got rejected, it’s better than not having tried at all. But the answerless hours were agonizing. I don’t know what to make of all of this. What a rollercoaster of a day.
 
Saapanael said:
Something weird happened.

I texted her in the morning, just casual talk, and then spontaneously decided to tell her I’d like to catch up with her. She didn’t reply. About five hours later, she posted a status (new feature on IG, I think. All followers can see it.), which read:

doesn’t it bother you to have these words just stare at you?

That seemed quite obviously directed at me (although I can’t know for sure). I was coming home from gym and the store, meanwhile trying to make sense of what the hell was going on. Had I really gone too far? I had been sensitive in my wording. Anyway, got home and saw she had finally replied that she’s not sure about meeting (which I took as a “no” of course). I thanked her for the reply and said it was getting awkward already. In the end, it turned out fine. I tried and got rejected, it’s better than not having tried at all. But the answerless hours were agonizing. I don’t know what to make of all of this. What a rollercoaster of a day.
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Okay, the status thing I completely misunderstood. Turns out she was referring to the new feature itself. The other stuff stands true. I think I made the right choice, still. Okay, she doesn’t like me, but now I don’t have to wonder about it at least.
 
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One thing that I’m still wondering about, maybe one of the ladies of Maidenfans could clear this up for me. When I asked her about meeting up, the answer she gave many hours later was: “Not sure honestly (awkward laughing emoji).” And yet, we kept chatting about other random things. So she doesn’t seem to mind casual conversation but doesn’t want to be seen in public together? Dang, she’s so interesting and pretty, I wish I could understand her better.
 
Bro, you need to let go of her and move on. She doesn't wanna be with you the way you wanna be with her, and continuing to talk to her will just make it worse for you. It's gonna be hard but over time you'll meet someone else to obsess over. Just stop talking to her and find a distraction. Go out with other friends, watch TV shows, read books, vote in Forum Games :P

I've been in a similar-ish situation with Class Girl who I've been obsessing over since I started this thread. I am pretty sure I started this thread because of her, the timeline adds up. Anyway, we'd talk about anything all the time, phone, texts, voice messages, you name it. But meeting up was always a struggle, similar to your girl's "Not sure honestly". To cut the long story short, it took me a long time but I grew really tired of it and realized I can't continue this charade I've built for myself so I stopped talking to her 26 days ago. Yes, I'm counting cause it's still a struggle because I'm so used to talking to her about anything. But over time that feeling will go away with distance and lack of contact.
 
Just look at it this way. You're into her. If she texted you "can you meet up in 15 minutes", you'd probably fly to wherever she wants to meet up, because you're into her. She's being awkward and imprecise. Would you be awkward and imprecise about meeting up with her?
 
I’ve been in a similar situation before. I ended up telling the lady that I was more or less breaking contact because I had feelings of attraction that I knew weren’t reciprocated and didn’t want that energy getting the better of me. That was years ago and haven’t spoken to her since. And I’m much much happier than I would’ve been.
 
Night Prowler said:
Bro, you need to let go of her and move on. She doesn't wanna be with you the way you wanna be with her, and continuing to talk to her will just make it worse for you. It's gonna be hard but over time you'll meet someone else to obsess over. Just stop talking to her and find a distraction. Go out with other friends, watch TV shows, read books, vote in Forum Games :p

I've been in a similar-ish situation with Class Girl who I've been obsessing over since I started this thread. I am pretty sure I started this thread because of her, the timeline adds up. Anyway, we'd talk about anything all the time, phone, texts, voice messages, you name it. But meeting up was always a struggle, similar to your girl's "Not sure honestly". To cut the long story short, it took me a long time but I grew really tired of it and realized I can't continue this charade I've built for myself so I stopped talking to her 26 days ago. Yes, I'm counting cause it's still a struggle because I'm so used to talking to her about anything. But over time that feeling will go away with distance and lack of contact.
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You’re mostly right. A large part of why I’m doing this is because I have no friends to meet up with and watching TV shows doesn’t numb the loneliness. To be quite honest, I have some people who would be willing to meet up with me but I don’t enjoy their company so much. Probably because I keep thinking of the “perfect girl” in my head. But the events that have gone down today will probably help me to get back on my feet slowly. Because I sort of overcame this barrier that I’ve had for years, a “fear of the perfect”. She’s more human-like to me now. And to be even more honest, I think I’ve fucked up my mentality with my own actions over the years. So last night I decided to give up weed and start working out regularly to come back to life again. At least to see the world in more colours. I might not be able to stop loving her but I can get my own shit under control. Right now there’s this feeling that I will not meet anyone as great as her but this will most likely fade over time. Thanks for the support, guys, keep it up.
 
Saapanael said:
You’re mostly right. A large part of why I’m doing this is because I have no friends to meet up with and watching TV shows doesn’t numb the loneliness.
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I get where you're coming from but just talking to this girl without ever being with her isn't gonna numb the loneliness. I've had the same fear with Class Girl; that if I stop talking to her, I'll be even lonelier. But the truth is, I feel just as lonely. So the fear was unfounded.

Saapanael said:
So last night I decided to give up weed and start working out regularly to come back to life again.
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Good idea. You might meet someone at the gym.
 
Saapanael said:
I don’t think that ever happens here. It’s people working out by themselves or couples coming to the gym together. But it would be funny if some chick became interested in me, the scrawniest guy at the gym.
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Maybe it'll be the scrawniest girl at the gym, or a girl whose fetish is scrawny guys.
 
Just talk to women and be yourself. If they like you, great. If they don't, that's also fine. I'm glad you talked to the girl and now you know, which is always better than not knowing, even if it hurts.
 
I think you did the right thing by messaging. You could actually be friends? And I think the answer 'not sure' means exactly that, not sure.

I think I get where you're coming from about making social connections. When everyone else had settled down by about 21 I was pretty much in the same position, and advice like 'go out more' didn't work because that would mean hanging around places on my own like a lemon seeing as everyone else was too busy with boyfriends and/or kids.

Maybe gyms are more interesting around your way, NP, but to me gyms are a terrible place to hope of meeting anyone :lol: Full of viciously competitive men and women who want everyone to know they're both tougher and more gorgeous than everyone else. Exercise can definitely help with low mood and general health, though.

I've said it before - finding interests and hobbies in common with other people, or just discovering how you track down like minded people in general, could vastly improve your quality of life. That might or might not include finding dates, but having social contact and rewarding social contact at that has to be a positive? The wider your social circle, the better chance of dates. There's also dating apps and online stuff....
 
Let me clear one thing out - the LAST reason I'd go to gym is for meeting someone. I never had that intention.
About yesterday, I'm sure I made the right choice. The whole thing played out quite well and it relieved a lot of stress from my shoulders.
 
I wrote something to her today. It was circling in my head for days and I couldn’t rest until I sent it to her. Nothing special, just something related to our previous conversation, and she reacted well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this in hopes that she will start liking me more. I don’t have any expectations, I just want to talk to her really bad. And as glad as I am that we can have a conversation, it’s sort of heartbreaking to know that this is all it will be. Texting her, looking at her pictures, I can’t help but think that she is the one I’d like to spend my life with. Nobody else looks like her or expresses themselves like her. She is truly one of a kind. I’m not unbearably sad or anything, just pondering about the irony of life. We develop these feelings towards one specific person, regardless of whether it’s meant to be or not.
 
Saapanael said:
Texting her, looking at her pictures, I can’t help but think that she is the one I’d like to spend my life with. Nobody else looks like her or expresses themselves like her. She is truly one of a kind. I’m not unbearably sad or anything, just pondering about the irony of life. We develop these feelings towards one specific person, regardless of whether it’s meant to be or not.
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You're young, you'll probably develop similar feelings for at least a couple more people over the course of your life before things finally lock into place. It probably doesn't seem that way now, but it's almost certainly true.
 
What can I do to meet people? I’m not interested in my coworkers and that’s the only social community I belong to. I’ve been going to concerts and bars alone but I’m never going to meet anyone there. Looking at classes to sign up to, there’s not really that much that interests me, but I might sign up somewhere. Still an unlikely place to meet somebody. There’s so many people out there, it can’t be impossible to find somebody.
 
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