Women In The World Subject N°2

Thinking abit about it, I realzied that I do know a couple in which she's been abused. She's just 16 and he's 17, so they aren't married, and the abuse was nothing more than him being a total deuche to the girl, and cheating on her with every ocasion that he got... Weird thing is, even though she suffered a lot while being with him, she still tells me she loves him very much, and if it wouldn't have been for him leaving her, she would've still wanted to be with her...

Females are weird creatures... but so are men... [img src=\"style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/dry.gif\" style=\"vertical-align:middle\" emoid=\"<_<\" border=\"0\" alt=\"dry.gif\" /]
 
[!--quoteo(post=129955:date=Feb 27 2006, 10:56 PM:name=Black Ace)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Black Ace @ Feb 27 2006, 10:56 PM) [snapback]129955[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]Weird thing is, even though she suffered a lot while being with him, she still tells me she loves him very much...[/quote]There are women who like male dominance and they even put up with things that other women wouldn't tolerate. Does abuse start when the woman doesn't like what's being done to her?
 
[!--quoteo(post=129995:date=Feb 28 2006, 10:24 AM:name=SilentLucidity)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(SilentLucidity @ Feb 28 2006, 10:24 AM) [snapback]129995[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
There are women who like male dominance and they even put up with things that other women wouldn't tolerate. Does abuse start when the woman doesn't like what's being done to her?
[/quote]

I like cola, but doesn't cola abuse me by its unhealthiness (bad simile, I know)? Abuse starts when somebody does something to somebody else that isn't good for the other one regularly.
 
[!--quoteo(post=129997:date=Feb 28 2006, 10:44 AM:name=Perun)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Perun @ Feb 28 2006, 10:44 AM) [snapback]129997[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
I like cola, but doesn't cola abuse me by its unhealthiness (bad simile, I know)? Abuse starts when somebody does something to somebody else that isn't good for the other one regularly.
[/quote]
I've been away for awhile so I just discovered this brilliant topic...
I'm from France like Syl. I heard on the radio some months ago that there were more and more cases of women being physically/psychologically violent against men... Dunno if it's that common in other countries but I can easily imagine it's even a bigger taboo than men violence against women...
 
I can't find it at the moment (being lazy here hehe) but someone mentioned what if the man doesn't know he is being abusive? I think something women don't seem to understand is that men need verbal communication. Most of the time we don't notice small sighs, indifference and other subtle "hints" that supposedly let us know somehting is wrong. I mention this because while the thread began with physical violence it moved to psychological and emotional violence (which by the way can go both ways). If a couple doesn't verbally communicate their troubles with each other it is not a good relationship to begin with because there isn't any trust and honesty and with out that the abuse will never be corrected.
 
Most communication is not verbal, however talking is imerative to healthy relationships. Its risky to share inner feelings with partners as it takes people who are emotionaly healthy. and have good self esteem. That way when one person who is bummed out can lean on the other person without the two going down together.

As for abusive men. They are weak inside. This is what makes them so dangerous. My wifes boss has a habit of yelling at his employees. My wife finds this very upsetting as he dumps his childish tantrums on the adults around him. People who he feels are inferior.

I actually called the guy on the phone at his work and asked if he could not yell around my wife as this was upsetting her greatly. He rambled on for about ten minuites about how to get production working.. blah blah blah...

He ceased the offending behaviour as soon as he knew that he was being watched from outside and being judged by another male. This is my hypothesis. Whatvever. He stopped yelling at her. I don't think he would have stopped if she had said something as she is on the inside. I decided not to reward him for his crime. The reality is that assholes like this are respected.

What kind of man is this? What kind of man yells and beats up on someone who he KNOWS can't fight back physically?

It amazing that in Canada, women are in more danger of being killed by a boyfriend or spouse than a random attack but there is no public outcry to actually do something about the problem. Politicians keep going on about petty street crime but pay no heed to the abuse of power by men and remain negligant.
 
[!--quoteo(post=130064:date=Feb 28 2006, 11:38 PM:name=Onhell)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Onhell @ Feb 28 2006, 11:38 PM) [snapback]130064[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]I think something women don't seem to understand is that men need verbal communication.[/quote]Do you seriously think women don't need it?
Maybe you're judging by the ratio of female and male members of this forum community ::
 
Well, from my observations (they could be wrong) women are always telling their significant others (whether date, boyfriend, husband or lover) to talk to them, that they are not opening enough etc. Now, men usually listen and they start opening up and start talking, however women don't do the same thing. They play the guessing game, they give the silent treatment, or do little sighs or stop doing niceties only leaving the men confused instead of following their own advise and talking . It is one of many double standards many, if not most, but not all obviously, women employ.

Now men employ double standards as well I know that and I also know that the active participants on this board don't fit either stereotypical description, so please don't counter with "well I don't do that" or any variant of the sort.
 
[!--quoteo(post=130204:date=Mar 1 2006, 06:11 PM:name=Onhell)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Onhell @ Mar 1 2006, 06:11 PM) [snapback]130204[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]...so please don't counter with "well I don't do that" or any variant of the sort.[/quote]I would never do that, Onhell.
[img src=\"style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\" style=\"vertical-align:middle\" emoid=\":P\" border=\"0\" alt=\"tongue.gif\" /]
 
Well, I am Canadian, just saying that for those of you who are new and don't know me.

In Canada, as it has been said, women are far more likely to be abused by an aquaintance, family member, or significant other than a random person. This is because abuse is a power-control issue, and because in order for it to be enjoyable, you have to see the result of the abuse.

We have a program called V-Day, in which there are rallies and protests to bring attention to the persistant problem of violence against women. It occurs every Valentine's Day. You don't have to do much to support V-Day, except for find out when the next showing of the Vagina Monologues is in your area. Most universities put on this show yearly. It's very funny and sad at the same time, but it's a good time. It's only like 6$ for a ticket and the money goes to raising public awareness of violence against women.
 
[!--quoteo(post=130266:date=Mar 1 2006, 10:44 PM:name=LooseCannon)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(LooseCannon @ Mar 1 2006, 10:44 PM) [snapback]130266[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
In Canada, as it has been said, women are far more likely to be abused by an aquaintance, family member, or significant other than a random person. This is because abuse is a power-control issue, and because in order for it to be enjoyable, you have to see the result of the abuse.
[/quote]

That is in Canada, the U.S. Mexico, Germany, China (everywhere in other words) and more than it being a power-control issue, it is about abuse of trust. People don't trust strangers (normally) so they stay away from them, it is until you "know" someone that you let your guard down, usuallly family members, friends and lovers.
 
[!--quoteo(post=129995:date=Feb 28 2006, 10:24 AM:name=SilentLucidity)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(SilentLucidity @ Feb 28 2006, 10:24 AM) [snapback]129995[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
There are women who like male dominance and they even put up with things that other women wouldn't tolerate. Does abuse start when the woman doesn't like what's being done to her?
[/quote]


[!--quoteo(post=129997:date=Feb 28 2006, 10:44 AM:name=Perun)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Perun @ Feb 28 2006, 10:44 AM) [snapback]129997[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
I like cola, but doesn't cola abuse me by its unhealthiness (bad simile, I know)? Abuse starts when somebody does something to somebody else that isn't good for the other one regularly.
[/quote]

I think Perun is right : the abuse starts when the violence starts to destroy physically or psychologically the victim.

As I said before, there is a dominant and a dominated person in every couple but probably most of them don't realize it because the gap between the two persons is too slight. And sometimes one of them (or both) may realize it and put up with that situation or even seek for being dominated. But seeking for domination doesn't mean that the person also seeks for suffering.
People who are seeking for domination and think that suffering is a mean to be dominated and take pleasure in it are called masochists.

The huge difference between a sadomasochist relationship and domestic violence is that in a sadomasochist relationship the masochist choose deliberately to suffer and there's also a moral and psychological contract between the masochist and the sadist . In the case of domestic violence the victim doesn't choose to be abused and doesn't get pleasure from it.
In other words the masochist is consenting, the victim of domestic violence is not.

But as you said some abused women/men may also like domination and it may be one of the factors or the main factor that prevent them to leave whereas they're not masochists and are suffering from the domestic violence. In that perculiar case, it can be interesting to compare the masochist with the victim of domestic of violence because they have a common element in the need to be dominated. A masochist who tries to end up with his masochist tendencies through a psycho-analysis has basically to find the answer to the following question : What is the event (in his chilhood) that he thinks he's to blame for and for which he feels he needs to be punished ?

In the case of domestic violence, if the need of being dominated is so strong that it prevents an abused man/woman from leaving, obviously there's a problem and he/she should ask himself/herself a similar question in order to understand from where that need comes from and i that way to get off his/her situation.

[!--quoteo(post=130008:date=Feb 28 2006, 04:18 PM:name=JackKnife)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(JackKnife @ Feb 28 2006, 04:18 PM) [snapback]130008[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
I've been away for awhile so I just discovered this brilliant topic...
I'm from France like Syl. I heard on the radio some months ago that there were more and more cases of women being physically/psychologically violent against men... Dunno if it's that common in other countries but I can easily imagine it's even a bigger taboo than men violence against women...
[/quote]

I think you're right. I've searched the web for information about abused husbands and I found almost nothing.
 
[!--quoteo(post=130277:date=Mar 2 2006, 01:04 AM:name=syl)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(syl @ Mar 2 2006, 01:04 AM) [snapback]130277[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]A masochist who tries to end up with his masochist tendencies through a psycho-analysis has basically to find the answer to the following question : What is the event (in his childhood) that he thinks he's to blame for and for which he feels he needs to be punished ? [/quote]Indeed. Usually the person him/herself knows what the triggering event was.

The need to be punished is not the only possible manifestation, by the way. Many victims of child abuse, for example, find themselves attracted to violence in general, or to violent people whose aggression doesn't have to be directed at the victim. But that's a different topic.
 
[!--quoteo(post=130313:date=Mar 2 2006, 01:17 PM:name=SilentLucidity)--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(SilentLucidity @ Mar 2 2006, 01:17 PM) [snapback]130313[/snapback][/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--quotec--]
Indeed. Usually the person him/herself knows what the triggering event was.
[/quote]

I don't think so, unless we are really talking about mental disorders like masochism. What about phobias? I am afraid of heights, and I know I haven't always been. However, I have discovered that this is in fact increasing, even though I have been on some of the highest places on this world (the CN Tower platform, which is about 400-500m above the ground for instance). But last year, I climbed a tower that was a mere 30 m in height. When I stood on top of it, it wasn't that bad, but while climbing it, I nearly panicked. I have no idea why I am so afraid of heights or why it is getting worse.
 
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