Mental Health Thread

Do you fear death, dying, etc.?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 23.1%

  • No

    Votes: 21 40.4%

  • Trying my best to not think about it

    Votes: 15 28.8%

  • Never really thought about it and I'm unable to come up with an answer on a spot

    Votes: 4 7.7%
  • Total voters
    52
I don't know that this is a complete replacement for face to face contact with others who are on the same wavelength as yourself, but you're always welcome in the Chat room.
 
Sorry to hear all that. :( There was an article on my local newspaper on loneliness, and it mentioned that sometimes people don't find others who they connect with in their social circles. And it isn't their fault, they just need different kind of persons that are not present in those circles, but do exist elsewhere.

Is it possible to find ways to cope with the bad days/moments? I get those myself, and try to think that even though I feel bad now, it's temporary, and gets better later on. It's not straightforward, because at those bad moments you feel really down, but it's doable to coach myself to survive those moments.
 
You got us. You can always message me if you just want to talk/vent.

It reminds me of my university years. I spent more time talking to professors than classmates. I was desillusioned with how self-absorbed and party obssessed people were. I made no friends at my university. I have one childhood friend I still talk to, one high school friend and 2 community college friends. But from uni? None. I made most of my current friends at work. I still talk to a bunch of people from the behavioral health clinic and the pharmacy. Oh also from when I used to DJ, still friends with those guys and one from when I used to work at the car dealership... so yeah.... Hang in there buddy, it gets better.
 
Thanks, a video chat is not necessary, but I really appreciate everyone’s concern. A couple of weeks ago I signed up to a free councelling session that takes place tomorrow. It could be useful.

People have sometimes told me that I’m the calmest-looking person they’ve seen, and that they couldn’t imagine me in an angry or distressed state. But I’ve understood that I’m way more sensitive to some external factors than most people. Things I have no control over, usually, which are therefore pointless to worry about. In general, I think there’s a vast overabundance of information floating around, and it’s causing us to be more miserable. I’m not old enough to know this for sure but I have a feeling that people used to be more genuine in the past because real means of communication were needed to exchange information. Maybe I’m just seeing the world through dark glasses but there seems to be so much disingenuous lazy hunched-over-my-smartphone communication nowadays. It’s just not natural.
 
Saapanael said:
But I’ve understood that I’m way more sensitive to some external factors than most people. Things I have no control over, usually, which are therefore pointless to worry about.
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I'm taking this part out because this is something very important.
According to prominent life coach and leadership expert Stephen Covey, there are two circles in our life - the circle of concern (the things we care about but cannot control) and the circle of influence (the things we care about and that we have an impact on). The circle of concern includes things like the weather, the pandemic, the economic situation, the health and well-being of your family, your friends, etc. The circle of influence includes things like your own behaviour, being proactive, your decisions, your choices, etc. The more you focus on the latter, the larger it becomes over time, meaning that you can influence more things around you. Respectively, the former - the circle of concern - would grow smaller, as you have bigger control over your life. It takes time and perseverance, and quite a bit of discipline, but it is possible to turn things around.

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I know this may sound like modern-day coaching piece of bollocks, but it actually works. You could at least consider that, it wouldn't hurt. And yes, give those counceling sesssions a shot.
 
Some people are more sensitive than others, and with more sensitive I mean picking up more stimuli than others and this can be exhausted sometimes.
Anyway, Saap we´re here to talk and to listen. :)
 
I try to get along with people but I only get shit on in return. My family, friends - everyone acts like an inconsiderate douchebag and there’s no one to turn to. I don’t want to live in this fucked up place. I know I’ve made many mistakes on my way to happiness, too many mistakes. All I ask in return is to have somebody who understands me. All that I see is endless self-admiration and deceit. I’m in the wrong place, I’ve been here for a long time.
 
Maybe you could use a change of scenery. Is that something that could be an option for you? To move somewhere complety new and start things with a fresh start and a clean slate with no ties from your previous situations and struggles there to hold you back?
 
I’ve been thinking about that but I don’t know where to go as I don’t have a steady income and there’s university to graduate. Sometimes I consider going somewhere without telling anyone to see if they start to worry about me.
 
LooseCannon said:
You must be close to graduating by now.
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It’s my third year so I should graduate in summer if all goes right. But I’m so burnt out that I don’t even care about that right now. In fact, all this time in uni has been shit, with some exceptional great moments in between.
 
I used to think that it might be a good idea for Saap to change the scenery. In fact, I have previously given him this advice. But I recently heard something that makes all the sense in the world to me: you cannot and must not outsource your well-being.

Let me try to explain what I mean. Sometimes there are people around us that do or say things that make us sad. If someone says something that causes you stress, who is then the person in charge of your life? Who controls your emotions? It is someone out there - it can be one, two, five, hundreds of them, but not you. Trying to spend time and resources on changing those around you is a waste. Instead, you should focus on the only thing you can manage and control: yourself. Our anger, our disappointment, and our sadness happen inside us, and yet we keep looking for solutions on the outside. This doesn't make sense to me, honestly.
 
I go through patches of panicking about it and then thinking "I won't know any other so what's the point in worrying". What I do fear though is the death of my parents and loved ones. I've had pretty bad times worrying about it but I'm in a better place now, mentally, so I've learned to deal with those feelings.
 
Ariana said:
I used to think that it might be a good idea for Saap to change the scenery. In fact, I have previously given him this advice. But I recently heard something that makes all the sense in the world to me: you cannot and must not outsource your well-being.

Let me try to explain what I mean. Sometimes there are people around us that do or say things that make us sad. If someone says something that causes you stress, who is then the person in charge of your life? Who controls your emotions? It is someone out there - it can be one, two, five, hundreds of them, but not you. Trying to spend time and resources on changing those around you is a waste. Instead, you should focus on the only thing you can manage and control: yourself. Our anger, our disappointment, and our sadness happen inside us, and yet we keep looking for solutions on the outside. This doesn't make sense to me, honestly.
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I agree with Ariana a lot with several caveats:

I personally have been trying to pull through a work environment that was downright abusive... it took a toll on my mental and possibly even physical well-being because I stayed there much longer than I probably should (then again, I gave my word of sorts to at least get it that far, I done what was necessary etc.)
My point being - if the environment is actually toxic or abusive, yes, by all means change the scenery, because you might not be the type of person to endure it. I don't think that's exactly Saap's case, though (even though I might be wrong).

Second of all - yes, I agree that you take the weather with you of sorts. If the problem is within you, no amount of external adjustment is going to help you. It's similar to anorexia - it doesn't matter how much weight you lose, you'll always try to lose some more.

A person with a clinical depression is not going to feel better when everything around him is peachy keen and everything works out - matter of fact, they might feel worse (because the feeling of "I'm not appreciating these good things blah blah blah") - it is absolutely necessary to get better, which - usually - isn't all that connected with the outside world. Sure, if you're in an abusive relationship, if you're overworked and overstressed etc. it might bring you down as well, but you should primarily concentrate on your mental state, because - for lack of a better world - the prism is usually wrong, not the circumstances.

My caveat being - while I understand how Ariana meant it and I can agree with it (and she put it there absolutely correctly and I don't even think it could be misunderstood in any way), I still - just for the record - must strenuously disagree with the popular self-help idea of "concentrating on yourself". Heck, we all are concentrating on ourself way too much - that's one of the reasons we have these problems in the first place. We all are a bit too egoistic and individualistic nowadays and we're just not made for it. We can't handle it. But I digress.

As someone who has a history of panic attacks, a husband of someone who used to be prone to depressions and a friend and a colleague to someone who has both, I'm gonna give these few pieces of advice that nobody asked for - like the Grateful Dead used to sing, "believe it if you need it, or leave it if you dare":

- get professional help. If you feel it's not it and the person doesn't understand you, change them. If you feel it's no use and you've been throwing your money away, just keep on going. It takes a lot of time and it is quite frustrating in the process. But the earlier you nip it in the bud the easier it is to get rid of it almost completely.

- boring as it is as an advice and as a practice, really do try to maintain a strict daily schedule. Split your day into compartments. Become a creature of habit. It's really hard (especially maintaining going to bed early for a significant period of time is one of the hardest things you could imagine), but it really works wonders. And ritualize things. Want some wine? Okay, pour it in an actual wine glass, light a candle, enjoy it. Prepare your food and eat like a human being - I myself used to be very much guilty of this. I found it extremely useful to split and compartmentalize my day with the Breviary - that of course probably isn't for you, but try to find something like that. Do it with food, walks, sleep schedule, work schedule.

- even if you're not really sensitive to caffeine, try to lower your doses, especially in the afternoon, but throughout the whole day as well.

- Eat healthy (or at least -ier). Also, try to avoid dishes high on carbs - the rush and then the "drown" effect soon afterwards affects your mental state a lot, I found out.

- fewer screens and electronics. If you absolutely must, at least use the warming apps for the screen colours (Night shift in cell phone, flux on computer?) so that your colors get progressively warmer after sunset, but in general being surrounded by electronics never help.

- get off social media for a while. That might or might not include this very forum, but especially YouTube and Facebook. Those are cancer even for a healthy person.

- I'd even recommend trying dopamine detox - I myself haven't managed yet to get around doing it, but I keep toying with the idea more and more, because I believe there really might be something to it. The people who recommended it to me are among the people I trust the most, so there...

- and despite it goes against the very idea of this very forum - metal doesn't help. Really. Much as you might love it, it's not a music that's going to make an ill psyche feel better.

Maybe all of these are obvious and useless to put here, like I said, if you find anything useful, well, I was glad to help.

+ I personally believe that people can't really be okay if they don't take care of their third and the most oft-forgotten (nowadays, at least) part of their humanity, the spiritual one. And (and I stress it): I don't mean it in that way as if you you had to convert or anything, many people seem to have good experience feeding that crave with art or other stuff, but from mere observation the people who work with that spiritual side at least somewhat are usually at least somewhat better off psychologically than those who don't.
 
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I agree with everything you say, and I probably should have added more in my post above. Fixing yourself may require a different method for everyone - be it therapy, meditation, whatever. Working on yourself doesn't mean all alone. But it means realizing that no one else but you holds the key. Or as wise people have said it: you can show someone the way but they have to walk it.
 
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