❤ Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread ❤

giratina said:
It depends if she meant proper or "proper".
The first one means that you reached the pinacle of the friendzone, the second one means that she's interested in you.
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My friend tells me it means a proper, planned one, rather than the impromptu improvised one from the last time they hung out.

Boroking said:
Maybe she’s just really dissatisfied with the quality of your current massages
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My friend told me to respond with this meme:

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LooseCannon said:
Make a move. If it gets rejected then you know and you can stop fucking torturing yourself.
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This. Lean in for a kiss or something. Just break through the ambiguity and as much as it might sting to get pushed away, you'll also feel relieved that you don't have to second guess her or yourself.

Edit: "for your friend" I mean. of course. *big ass wink*
 
I would gladly not ask for advice here but whatever, maybe it will give me something for this specific situation.

I’ve been seeing this girl a couple of times per month, about a dozen times in total now. Just walking, talking, sitting at a cafe etc. I’ve had a gradual increase in feelings for her and there’s been slight flirting going on. It’s obvious we both want to see each other but being reserved is a common trait between us. So every time we part ways there’s this slightly awkward moment where we don’t really know how to say goodbye. It would be nice to hug but neither one wants to initiate it. Usually she has avoided this akwardness by distancing a bit or looking away but today there was a brief moment where I could see quite clearly that she wanted to be hugged. Still, I told her “see you next weekend” and that was it. Maybe next time I should just go for the hug. I guess what’s holding me back is the fear of making her uncomfortable, but sooner or later, the game has to be brought to the next level. If things keep developing in the right direction, a simple hug shouldn’t get in the way.
 
This thread just keeps on giving, and I'm not thinking about those hearts in the title that just keep on multiplying and changing color.
(I'm not laughing at anybody's love problems, but some replies here are top-notch.)

Anyway, I don't know how NP's massage situation ended, but yeah, it's a step towards something 'more'. It may be that I'm a bit conservative, or I don't really buy into this friend zone thing, but someone offers you a massage - it points into a certain direction (at least, that's how it was in my case.)
 
Alright, here I am. In a hazmat suit, given this thread has a different sort of pandemic problem. I date both men and women, so this a voice of perspective, not just being one. I actually started first with women in my mid-teens. It wasn't till I was about 18 that I found any boys charming and respectful enough to have a relationship or some fun with.

There is far too much misunderstanding, and lack of understanding of women in general still in the world, and in this thread. So, to all it may concern, allow a girl to sweep away some of your terrible misconceptions!

Now I do want to say that I realize there are plenty of men who do NOT do stupid s§$t on purpose, and this is for you. How about some advice in general, and one or two direct responses?

Learning to read your partner (or hopeful partner) seems to be one of the biggest queries here. I see a lot of uncertainty with some of the posts, so I'll try and tackle this a bit.

Honestly, the best advice I can give to many guys is that you usually go wrong when you tend to read TOO much into things. Seriously, its one of your biggest mistakes. DONT READ TOO MUCH INTO THINGS. Take things for what they are, enjoy the bond and time you share like you would a platonic friend, (its what many of us do 90% of the time even if we're into guys) and don't jump the gun. Seriously, don't assume. Every girl is different, definitely, but we have some common gripes and concerns, and believe me, we ALL suffer daily from men assuming too much, and its kinda a plague. Intentional or not, its one of the biggest made mistakes.

It's far better to not make an unwanted advance, than it is to make the mistake of one. It's a myth that its the other way around. Yes, depending on the nature of it, it might be fine, but its a BIG risk and gamble. It often just makes us feel awkward as all hell. And not just for us, but for you as well. I've had friends who tried to kiss me and one time in particular, it was really sweet. But I wasnt interested. And for a long time after they felt awkward, though I was reassuring to them. I also told them I took it as quite the compliment, as I very much did. But like, if I knew they would try and could have said something or prevented them the embarassment, I would have, and our friendship wouldnt have had an awkward phase. Things are awesome now, but it was weird for a while. I don't want them feeling that way anymore than they do. And I think I speak for most girls here. No, were not typically offended if you try something cute and obviously respectful, but it may just be more trouble than its worth for everyone involved. But, I won't leave you without advice for this from the persepctive of dating a girl.

I know that girls can also be challenging for a guy to read at times, especially if she is one of those girls who refuse to leave any clear signs of anything. It's not helpful when girls are vague yet somehow expect someone to magically understand everything without at least some kind of clear input, flirting, or direction. I can understand why it makes some people want to facedesk into a toilet. Seriously, even in that case, don't assume. Ask questions, leave larger hints of your feelings, dont press or be overly forward, just make your stance clear without being too expectant about it. Leave the 'ball in her court', and if she cant act on things or be clear after a while, maybe shes not the best match to begin with.

Personality plays a big role, and a good match is ALWAYS going to be a gazillion times better. And easier to communicate with. And the sex is always better. I think you get the point. Look for people you actually can trust and feel safe and connected with. Whether you're both really timid and shy or wild and batshit crazy doesnt matter, just look for people who are a great balance to your own vibes. Someone who is more lively may also make a great match to someone more timid as well. The important thing is you find someone who respects you first and foremost, and your feelings and welfare. If you're young, believe me, this will save you some heartache, and discourage the less savory of humanity from continuing to fester their insidious bilge. :p But I digress.

Sometimes, if she seems really interested but is hesitant for even the little sweet things, she just isnt sure about you yet. Give it time if youre really interested, and respect her time to think and feel on things. Though its a bit stereotypical, many of us girls do tend to take longer than you guys to be open to someone or trusting of them. You might be perfectly worthy of that trust, but we may not know that yet, and discretion is the better part of valor. I've certainly been there. Girls are more vulnerable in general in different situations then men, which is something all guys should keep in mind and seem to often forget, so we have to be cautious. Believe me, it doesnt make our life easier either in finding the awesome dudes out there we might want to connect with.

So what to do?

Let's use our friend Saapanael and his wonderfully cute story here as an example. (and I mean cute in a complimentary way)

LooseCannon gave great advice about asking if a hug is ok. Someone else also commented how this didnt ruin a kiss they shared with someone, and its also great post. (Well done there, boys) This is the kinda thing you should be doing. CONSENT BEFORE ACTION. Even if its something super sweet, its better not to have it end badly. My guess is she'd appreciate the consent respect, and it would send a message that you're open to her, but also leaving 'the ball in her court'.
Here's my advice directly on that situation (if it hasnt resolved yet). If she says sure, then give her a good hug, and when you release, give her a warm and meaningful look filled with your feelings, (dont think too much, just let yourself feel when you look at her and be natural) it will definitely let her know she CAN be more forward with you if she wants. Most girls tend pick up on this. DONT do too much too fast. But leave a hint after each moment of closeness that you're open to her. And if she is interested, I guarantee things will progress when the time is right.(and though my perspective on her is extremely limited, it sounds like she might be ;))

I know well that no one wants to ruin that wonderfully tingly excitement and romance of the unspoken in the beginning, but depending on the person, it might be better if things are more vocal, or at the very least, more clear. It is really dependent on the person and the bond they share. After all, literally everyone I have ever dated has felt different than anyone else. Not just different people, but different connnections. Each one is unique. There's plenty of ways to let a girl know you dig her, quite romantically I might add, and preserving that excitement, without having to make any unwanted physical advances. If you need more help or tips, please ask.

And yes, some girls, prefer at times for guys to make the first move, and I have a little tip here for you with those lovely ladies. If that is the case.

I would say this applies to Saapanael too. If you'd really like to try something physical without doing anything to make her feel uncomfortable, awkward, or trapped, here's something I've always personally found very adorable. Next time you are walking together, casually and gently brush your hand against hers, and see how she reacts. Since It sounds like theres definitely some feelings there, and something is established, this might be telling. If the feeling is right and romance is in the air, maybe, it could be a nice move. If you do try this and need help intepretting the response, ask. Needless to say, if she also does it in return, you could try gently holding her hand. In many cases, I'd say this is a safe first move if shes shy, but there is clearly theres some nice connection there and potential interest.

And back to advice in general now.
Also, a great question to ask yourselves, is what kind of relationship or connection are they looking for? If you just want to get laid, and you lie to someone who's looking for a relationship or something more, (this goes for all genders) than you're no better than a scam artist, or the dog eggs on the sidewalk. Don't be that douchebag :p That goes for any situation though, not just women. Honesty is important. Don't play with people's feelings, male or female. Besides, if you cant be honest about your intentions with someone, why should anyone ever trust anything you say? I certainly wouldn't! Sometimes, girls just want to have some fun too with someone their comfortable and happy being around. Honesty is always the best policy. ;)

So, lets summarize, and add a couple things.

+Dont assume

+Put Consent BEFORE any action

+If shes not into you, she's just not into you, dude. You're not going to change that 99% of the time. Move on and save everyone, including yourself, some trouble. Find someone who is, and I assure you, it'll be better all around.

+When in doubt, DONT make unwanted physical advances. Use words, looks, and other expressions to communicate it. It'll save everyone some awkwardness. If everything is super shy and its been a while, and theres good reason to believe there's interest there, try what I mentioned with the hand, but ALWAYS be careful doing anything physical first. Even if you have the very dearest and awesome of intentions, we can get spooked. Maybe I should write a post one day to give an idea of what its like for girls and why. I imagine that could be helpful to many people!

Real Girls Hate Jealousy! If a girl enjoys you being jealous, then in my opinion you should just stay away if you have feelings for her. This whole man-made trope about females loving guys to be jealous because it shows 'they care' is a bunch of twaddle. Real men show they care all the time by their actions and how they treat a lady. I have never tolerated, and will not, any form of jealousy. Insecurity or lack of self-confidence, however, is different. I'm empathetic to that, as I think most people are, and happy to give reassurance. but jealousy and possessiveness? No thanks. Warning sign for everyone. run away!

And, I'll flip things here a bit and give you boys some advice about protecting your own feelings.
If a girl is only seeming to be playing with your feelings, WALK AWAY.
Seriously, no matter how much you like her, if shes being like that, shes not worth it, dude. Don't be a possessive or angry douchebag, just don't deal with it. Better not to play that game. I never have, nor will mess with people like that And I won't deal with it, and I'd advise the same to everyone else.

Good luck, Saapanael!

And finally, a 'disclaimer', yes lets call it that, for the less gentlemanly fellows here. Any further jokes, allusions, or comments about rape or forcing yourself on a female, (since the offenders are over 18 according to their profiles) and I swear to you, you will suddenly become the subject of a great deal of attention outside of this forum from places you do not want it from. What you talk about in private with people is your own business, but if you dare be public with it, promoting violence against women, don't blame me for the consequences when others are made aware of it. Don't §$%& with me, boys. Or I'll have less respect for your lives than America has for international borders.

<Claps her hands up and down as if dusting them off>
 
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