StrangerInAStrangeLand
Ancient Mariner
This little treatise on the English language I share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure English speakers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1)The bandage was wound around the wound.
2)The farm was used to produce produce.
3)The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4)We must polish the Polish furniture.
5)He would lead if he could get the lead out.
6)The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7)Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8)A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9)When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10)I did not object to the object.
11)The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12)There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13)They were too close to the door to close it.
14)The buck does nothing when the does are present.
15)A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16)To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17)The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18)After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19)Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20)I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Let's face it--English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor is their apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meats.
We English speakers take the language for granted but if we explore the paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs. Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all of them but one, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If vegetarians ate vegetables, what did humanitarians eat?
Sometimes I think all of the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people:
-Recite at a play and play at a recital?
-Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
-Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes on by going off.
English was invented by people and it reflects the creativity of the human race. That is why that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1)The bandage was wound around the wound.
2)The farm was used to produce produce.
3)The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4)We must polish the Polish furniture.
5)He would lead if he could get the lead out.
6)The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7)Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8)A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9)When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10)I did not object to the object.
11)The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12)There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13)They were too close to the door to close it.
14)The buck does nothing when the does are present.
15)A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16)To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17)The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18)After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19)Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20)I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Let's face it--English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor is their apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meats.
We English speakers take the language for granted but if we explore the paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs. Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all of them but one, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If vegetarians ate vegetables, what did humanitarians eat?
Sometimes I think all of the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people:
-Recite at a play and play at a recital?
-Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
-Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes on by going off.
English was invented by people and it reflects the creativity of the human race. That is why that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.