So you thought you knew English?

StrangerInAStrangeLand

Ancient Mariner
This little treatise on the English language I share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure English speakers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1)The bandage was wound around the wound.

2)The farm was used to produce produce.

3)The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4)We must polish the Polish furniture.

5)He would lead if he could get the lead out.

6)The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7)Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8)A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9)When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10)I did not object to the object.

11)The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12)There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13)They were too close to the door to close it.

14)The buck does nothing when the does are present.

15)A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16)To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17)The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18)After a number of injections, my jaw got number.

19)Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

20)I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

Let's face it--English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor is their apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meats.

We English speakers take the language for granted but if we explore the paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs. Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all of them but one, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If vegetarians ate vegetables, what did humanitarians eat?

Sometimes I think all of the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people:

-Recite at a play and play at a recital?

-Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

-Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes on by going off.

English was invented by people and it reflects the creativity of the human race. That is why that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
 
I speak english and half of those sentences do not make sence at all.

5)He would lead if he could get the lead out.
he could lead what

9)When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
the dove dived into the bushes

18)After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
my jaw got numer there is no b

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all of them but one, what do you call it?
What ever it was that was left

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
they preach

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
there not

That is why that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
only when its dark

And may I ask where are you from
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Atvarussmak, you obviously didn't understand. And your corrections are wrong. Go back to school! [!--emo&-_---][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/sleep.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'sleep.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 

IronDuke

Ancient Mariner
You must not be a native speaker of English, Atvarussmak
I speak english and half of those sentences do not make sence at all.
the word is spelled "sense"

5)He would lead if he could get the lead out.
he could lead what


the first 'lead' is a verb, the second is a chemical element found in pencils (lead, Pb)

9)When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
the dove dived into the bushes

No. The verb "to dive" is irregular. The past tense is dove.

18)After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
my jaw got numer there is no b

Again, you're wrong. There is a 'b' in the comparitive form of numb.

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
they preach

This was just commenting that the verb "to teach" is highly irregular, whereas a verb similar in sound and meaning, "to preach", is regular.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
there not

Well, a slim chance and a fat chance DO have the same meaning in both UK and US English. And wise man and wise guy are close to being opposite in their broadest sense.
You also used the wrong word in your reply to it.....You probably wanted to say "they are not", which can be contracted to "they're not".


Do some research before you criticise.
 

StrangerInAStrangeLand

Ancient Mariner
[!--QuoteBegin-IronDuke+May 29 2004, 07:55 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(IronDuke @ May 29 2004, 07:55 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]You must not be a native speaker of English,  Atvarussmak
I speak english and half of those sentences do not make sence at all.
the word is spelled "sense"

5)He would lead if he could get the lead out.
he could lead what


the first 'lead' is a verb, the second is a chemical element found in pencils (lead, Pb)

9)When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
the dove dived into the bushes

No. The verb "to dive" is irregular. The past tense is dove.

18)After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
my jaw got numer there is no b

Again, you're wrong. There is a 'b' in the comparitive form of numb.

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
they preach

This was just commenting that the verb "to teach" is highly irregular, whereas a verb similar in sound and meaning, "to preach", is regular.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
there not

Well, a slim chance and a fat chance DO have the same meaning in both UK and US English. And wise man and wise guy are close to being opposite in their broadest sense.
You also used the wrong word in your reply to it.....You probably wanted to say "they are not", which can be contracted to "they're not".


Do some research before you criticise.[/quote]
Thank you, Duke!
 

LooseCannon

Enterprise-class aircraft carrier
Staff member
[!--QuoteBegin-IronDuke+May 29 2004, 07:55 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(IronDuke @ May 29 2004, 07:55 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--] the first 'lead' is a verb, the second is a chemical element found in pencils (lead, Pb) [/quote]
Dude. There's no lead in pencils. It's cobalt. Lead is in your heat, Atvarussmak!
 
Thank you for your incites in how it supposed to be done. But a least modern English is easier to understand than old English. Dam mixture of languages. I found this for you lot to look at and analyze.

[a href=\'http://www.soon.org.uk/page18.htm\' target=\'_blank\']http://www.soon.org.uk/page18.htm[/a]


Also didn’t they replace lead with graphite because they found out lead was poisonous.
 

IronDuke

Ancient Mariner
[!--QuoteBegin--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]Thank you for your incites in how it supposed to be done. But a least modern English is easier to understand than old English. Dam mixture of languages. I found this for you lot to look at and analyze.

[a href=\'http://www.soon.org.uk/page18.htm\' target=\'_blank\']http://www.soon.org.uk/page18.htm[/a]


Also didn’t they replace lead with graphite because they found out lead was poisonous. [/quote]
Actually, Old English (aka Anglo-Saxon) would have been much easier to learn.

Modern English borrows spellings, pronounciations, and grammar from numerous languages, whereas Anglo-Saxon was a strictly Germanic tounge.

It had simple grammar rules, easy pronounciation, and closely resembled many languages of continental Europe.
 

Onhell

Infinite Dreamer
[!--QuoteBegin-Atvarussmak+May 30 2004, 01:33 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Atvarussmak @ May 30 2004, 01:33 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--] Also didn’t they replace lead with graphite because they found out lead was poisonous. [/quote]
That's right, exactly when it was done I don't remember... I think in the '50's... but not sure.
 
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