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Save ten bands!

Discussion in 'Best of / Worst of Polls forum' started by Perun, Apr 14, 2018.

  1. Brigantium

    Brigantium Recovering tea addict Staff Member

    How does the lord feel about Ghost? And has nobody picked Sabaton yet?
     
  2. Niall Kielt

    Niall Kielt Pulled Her At The Bottle Top

    WASP, gods be damned, WASP!
     
    Diesel 11 likes this.
  3. Wogmidget

    Wogmidget I rather like the restless nights

    Already taken care of
     
    Brigantium likes this.
  4. Diesel 11

    Diesel 11 Yet Another Raft of the Diesel

    For the great Wogmidget truly knew the meaning of the term... "Be quick, or be dead!"
     
    Wogmidget likes this.
  5. MrKnickerbocker

    MrKnickerbocker clap hands

    Having studied the sprawling fields of an Earth on the precipice of eternal damnation, Mr. Knickerbocker approached the podium of the LORD. He watched carefully as men and women of the long-haired clans, the black leathered gangs, the corpse-painted of face, the jacketed of jeans, and the belted of bullets took their rightful spots among the most metal of arks. "Ye of Midwestern guise, who be you?" asked the LORD.

    "I am Knickerbocker, and you may call me Mister. I have come with a selection of metallic forces."

    And the LORD paused before speaking thus, "Why is your name so long, creature? Have you not a strong set of wits?"

    "My name is what you have given me. I strongly suggest you think more clearly when labeling your future disciples."

    The LORD agreed. "That is a fair request, mortal."

    "Indeed it is," said the Mister of Knickerbockers, "And maybe cut out the misogyny while you're at it."

    The LORD grew impatient for his character had been called into question. He demanded to hear the most recent list of bands allowed into his heavenly metal festival. From his pocket, Mr. Knickerbocker withdrew a large scroll with many names written upon it. He had crossed off each band as others had priorforth named them as their own. Now, with far less to choose from, he spake the names thusly: ...Tom Waits.

    The LORD shook his head. "This Tom of Waits is not worthy of metal."

    "But LORD, surely his gravelly voice is heavier than many bands already allowed entry to your celestial ark?"

    "Maybe," the LORD said. "But he is of the alternative music scene which I hath sentenced to the layer of Hell where everyone must drink cheap whiskey in a greasy spoon diner with a broken window and no air conditioning."

    "...that's very fitting actually. He'll be happy there."

    Without further ado, Mr. Knickerbocker spoke the names of the next to be saved: "Symphony X, Armored Saint, Clutch, Kamelot, Amorphis, Seventh Wonder, Amon Amarth, Fates Warning, Joe Satriani, and Visigoth."

    The LORD nodded emphatically and sent out the call to these ten groups before settling in to await his next supplicant.
     
  6. Perun

    Perun Cheesemäster Staff Member

    You people are wonderful, all of you. <3
     
  7. Ariana

    Ariana Black-and-white leopard

  8. Diesel 11

    Diesel 11 Yet Another Raft of the Diesel

    Did the LORD spake that?
     
  9. Ariana

    Ariana Black-and-white leopard

    And then came forth Ariana, for she was a woman and could not hold her tongue for eternity, and she stepped close to Lord and took out a rolled newspaper and whacked Lord across the top of his head and thus spoke to him: "Thou thinketh of thyself as a mighty smart man but thou art foolish. Thee mother shall be ashamed of thou." And then Lord looked at Ariana and spoke: "Woe is me. Mine own mother shall be depressed and shan't make brownies for supper. Go forth, oh wise Ariana, and showeth me thy list." And thus Ariana opened her newspaper, which was not a newspaper but a scroll and read"

    Alter Bridge
    Amorphis
    Paradise Lost
    Sepultura
    Pantera
    Rammstein
    System of a Down
    Soundgarden
    Pearl Jam (don't you dare say they're not metal if Queen and Guns and Roses are in)
    Type O Negative
     
    Perun likes this.
  10. MrKnickerbocker

    MrKnickerbocker clap hands

    Thy name hath once been spake. Thine must chooseth again.
     
  11. Wogmidget

    Wogmidget I rather like the restless nights

    Truly he spaked it
     
    Diesel 11 likes this.

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