CHEESEVIVÖR: The Book of Metal: ALL HAIL VICTORIUS!

THE LAST BATTLE

  • Total voters
    9
  • Poll closed .
Volume I, Chapter 25: MIGHTY BATTALION BATTLE 3: Skull Fist vs Braveride

Skull Fist - Heavier than Metal
Last time I discussed just how Canadian this band is. I hate to say that I told you so (I don't really), but they really prove it with the cover of their debut EP, which has their trademark skullzombiezilla thing tearing up CN tower after having removed some of the lettering of Roger's Centre (probably out of rage that it's not called SkyDome anymore) while wearing leopard skin trousers, eh?

Braveride - Time to March
I'm not sure either which language this song is supposed to be in, but I just can't get over the fact that this YouTube channel actually is called HEAVY_METAL_DRAMA1. That alone already makes me happy.

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Volume I, Chapter 26: MIGHTY BATTALION BATTLE 4: Icy Steel vs Silent Knight

Icy Steel - I See Steel
Last time, I remarked on the weird language skills of this band, but I have to take everything back. You can really see what they did there with the song title and their band name, and then they pick up the steel and it's icy. Dante has nothing on these guys.

Silent Knight - Masterplan
I'm not really sure how this band expects to breathe new life into the stagnant genre of power metal if all they play is standard, by-the-book power metal, but I'm sure they have a masterplan right there. Get it? Right, I'll take my coat...
 
Dear God. Braveride without question. Even if I quite like Skull Fist, they're not awful enough. I wonder if Braveride would be any better with proper production? They sound like they're performing in an old school hall or a social club.

Steely Ice put in a real effort with a full minute's worth of fake wind sound effects plus a sort of tinny tinging sound that I assume is meant to be a blacksmith at work. Or a nearby thug kicking an old beer can in the gutter? The rest of the song doesn't live up to the initial promise of high camp fantasy adventure, however. Silent Knight do better in that respect with the ultrafast and synthetic sounding gallop, stagey vocals, widdly woo guitars, choral heroics etc etc. More fun in general, so they get it.
 
Skull Fist easily gets a vote, despite being almost too competent for this game. There's some really good guitar work happening there. Braveride is just bad and I can't in good conscience give them a vote.

Same goes for the second matchup. Icy Steel is indeed ludicrously cheesy in an epic manner, but the production is atrocious and so is a lot of the performance. Silent Knight are so stereotypically cheesy that it just sticks to your ribs like a bucket of cheddar.
 
Skull Fist had a pretty awesome song, and I was very impressed. Braveride's started and any hope I had was shattered by the vocals.... and then I actually got the song and enjoyed it! I'm voting for Skull Fist, but if Braveride wins I'm not going to be unhappy.

I was really impressed by Icy Steel, and there's nothing about Silent Knight's song here that could possibly come close to it.
 
I'm a homer. Skull Fist.

I found both of the latter bands to be fairly blah, but I will go with Icy Steel over the other.
 
Volume I, Chapter 27: AUGUST BATTALION BATTLE 3: Wolf vs Yuri Fulone

Wolf - I Will Kill Again
The motto of this band, "real metal for true bands", which they interpret as "[a] double middle finger salute to those not part of the real metal club" has not helped them much in their last battle against Virgin Steele, which they lost without gathering a single vote.

Yuri Fulone - The Blacksmith
It's about time we got a musical ode to the greatest unsung hero of the metal world: The blacksmith! Without his epic skills to transform ore to blade, we would not have swords of steel, hearts of steel or metal of steel. By the way, that's the official video from Yuri's own channel.

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Volume I, Chapter 28: AUGUST BATTALION BATTLE 4: Masterplan vs Virgin Steele

Masterplan - Spirit Never Die
I guess if your former band releases an album called "Rabbit Don't Come Easy", you're entitled to a song called "Spirit Never Die", and make about as much sense, no?

Virgin Steele - Victory is Mine
Not sure if the footage is actually meant to match the music, but it serves as a perfect illustration of the brand of 80's cheese this band embodies: Unapologetic masculinity, an erotic passion for heavy metal, and cutting edge technology. Victory, for sure, is theirs.
 
Wolf's effort would be pretty decent with a different vocalist/vocal style. Meanwhile, Yuri goes for glorifying swords/steel/ye olden days, which makes for classic cheese fare. He looks so earnest at this keyboard there. Quite good fun. Yuri Fulone.

Masterplan have some chaotic stuff going on there, I can't follow them. It's like they can't settle for one song so try a bit of everything. Virgin Steele have to get the vote for high gloss 80s-tasticness.
 
Wolf is kinda average metal with a terrible, terrible vocalist. Like the guy grew up listening to Ozzy, thinking, "I wanna sound like Ozzy but in every way worse." Yuri is rough around the edges, but that's a fine nugget of cheese there. Yuri Falone.

I was blown away by the cheese levels in Virgin Steele. That's damn good cheese.
 
I know that voting ended, but if you're gracious enough to include my thoughts...

Wolf was surprisingly good. Badass level of cheese. Yuri was underwhelming; that song lacked any power a song called "The Blacksmith" should have. Disappointing. Wolf.

I thought that Masterplan was a pretty good effort of cheeseness. Virgin Steele didn't blow me away, and I hate the vocalist, but it's a pretty decent song with a catchy chorus. My vote goes to Virgin Steele.
 
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