❤ Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread ❤

Saapanael said:
It’s all down to coincidence, whether an opportunity to strike a conversation arises. It will happen if it’s meant to happen.
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As someone who was recently infatuated, I say create the opportunity, if thats possible in this instance. I doubt you will regret it but you certainly will regret not trying, for a time.

Here is my tale of infatuation....

9 months ago I seperated from my partner of 14 years. A couple of months ago, being keen to mingle, I ventured into a new bar. I was instantly struck by the beauty and dangerous grace of one of the staff. I though "well, shes too good lookin for me to have a chance." This thought was quickly followed by the thought "check yourself, fool." So I talked to her. And then I found myself going to that bar once or twice a week in the hope that she would be working. Any time she was, I sat at the bar and we talked and the sporadic chat got better and longer over the weeks. I was sure she was interested, certain she was flirting and adamant that I noticed her, more than once, looking at me across the bar only to look away when I caught her eye.

I knew from the moment I saw her that I wanted to ask her out but I delayed in the hope that simple exposure to my raw animal magnetism would make her more likely to say yes. Plus, I didnt want to overtly hit on her while she was working. She had enough of that to deal with. After a few weeks of this dance I became increasingly pre occupied with her, cursing the nights she wasn't working and double cursing the nights she was but I didnt ask her out. All day I would think "tonight is the night I will ask her out." So one night I asked her out. She said no. The disappointment was real but the relief was turly liberating. 3 days later I no longer cared. I don't frequent the bar nearly as much these days but Im comfortable in her company. Infatuation can be all encompassing but its a bubble thats easy burst, in my experience.

And sometimes it works in ones favour. Last September I met a girl at a festival, a phenomenal wild beauty, a party animal. Again my initial thought was that I had no chance, such was her beauty and the gaggle of men following in her wake. But I was in Festival Mode and I am invincible when in Festival Mode so I approached her. We danced and we drank and we talked but unlike all the others I didn't hit on her (for the riff holds sway at a festival) and at the end of 2 days mayhem she came to me with her number on a piece of paper. We had a fabulous 6 weeks before she moved to Mexico. My infatuation lasted a week after she was gone. Again, it was real but the bubble soon bursts. And it was totally worth it.

I have no regrets from either of these infatuations. And that, my friend, is important in the pursuit of happiness.
 
@Niall Kielt Nice story, I was reading and I was exciting as I thought it will have a happy end. At least we got one in the second story! But why you say you have no regrets? Was it your fault that she moved to Mexico?
 
____no5 said:
@Niall Kielt Nice story, I was reading and I was exciting as I thought it will have a happy end. At least we got one in the second story! But why you say you have no regrets? Was it your fault that she moved to Mexico?
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Na she told me within an hour of meeting that she was moving to Mexico. No regrets because I approached a woman that I was highly attracted to and she thought I was one cool cat. A regret would be "I remember this one time that I saw this amazing person at a festival but I was afraid to talk to her. She was like, soooo hot, bra."
 
____no5 said:
@Niall Kielt How's being separated for so long (14 years)? I get that you have stories here and there but from my experience it may could years to heal.
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Maybe but I don't think so. The hard part was realising that it was done, it had run its course. Thinking "should I stay, should I go?" for many months was difficult but I didnt want to make any rash decisions after 14yrs together. So that was hard but since we seperated (we got married in 2018) it has been mostly fun, happy times. We are still friends, still live together!
I feel like Ive already been through the process of loss while I was still in the relationship. Or maybe it hasn't hit me yet, thats always possible. Maybe Im covering the pain by cavorting with a stream of wonderful women. Theres worse ways to do it I guess!!
 
____no5 said:
What? Like, in the same apartment? Isn't that an issue when you want to bring someone at home? Or when she does?
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Yeah, same house with a guy we both know well. It works, for now. We have a rule that I can't bring anyone home, which is fine with me, its her call. I've said that Im happy enough for her to bring someone home but she has yet to do so.

Over the course of this I have met 2 other people who lived with partners after they seperated. Sometimes it works and it just makes sense for some people but most of our mates think its bad in the long run. And maybe they are right but for now its groovy.

Ive also had chats with 4 or 5 mates in long term relationships that tell me that they might want to split too but are scared to do it, as I was. Everything they say rings true with how I was feeling before I decided to finish it. So maybe I will end up being the number one cause divorce in my area. And maybe long term monogamy isn't for everybody.
 
Agreed. And as a rule of thumb it's more difficult for men to separate than for women. Monogamy is a tough call. I see beauty in most people and naturally it's easier to fall in love. Others may be different but myself I've done many one night stands or short romantic stories and each time I was feeling something. It was never "clean" i.e. only for fun. This attribute, times many years it took a toll on me, so now I enjoy being monogamic which I'm experiencing as a healing process. I'm way more focused now on my wellbeing, career, on fewer people that count more, more focused in all fronts. But yes I fully understand what you mean.
 
____no5 said:
Agreed. And as a rule of thumb it's more difficult for men to separate than for women. Monogamy is a tough call. I see beauty in most people and naturally it's easier to fall in love. Others may be different but myself I've done many one night stands or short romantic stories and each time I was feeling something. It was never "clean" i.e. only for fun. This attribute, times many years it took a toll on me, so now I enjoy being monogamic which I'm experiencing as a healing process. I'm way more focused now on my wellbeing, career, on fewer people that count more, more focused in all fronts. But yes I fully understand what you mean.
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Yeah, I suppose monogamy was for me, otherwise I wouldn't have stuck it for 14yrs. I'm just in a different phase now, and will maybe be in a different one in the future. Well, I'm glad you had plenty of fun even if it did take its toll!
 
Yeap fun comes always with a price, whatever sort of fun might be! What remains in the end are the little "stories" we've created with the people we met and of course the people themselves in case we've maintained contact. And it's always (super) nice to hear the stories of others like I did with you today. Looking fwd for more stories, I hope you'll stay in this phase long enough so we can fill a few more pages here!
 
Jer said:
If he’s shot through the heart and she’s to blame, then she would in fact give love a bad name.
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If he were a woman, and she was a man, it wouldn’t be so hard to understand that a heart’s a heart and they’ll do what they can, if he were a woman, and she was a man.
 
I can't live with uncertainty so if I was interested in someone, I always told them. In many cases, I pretty much knew the answer would be no, but I asked anyway. That way I know for sure and I need not think what-ifs.
 
MindRuler said:
All Saap needs to do is keep the faith. It´s his life, it´s now or never. He ain´t gonna live forever...
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Well, yeah, but he'll say she was born to be his baby and that he'll be there for her, expecting that she'll say "thank you for loving me" and to lay his hands on her, further expecting to bounce and end the evening in and out of love, but unfortunately eventually Saap'll end up in the dry county.
 
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