So, everyone on this forum wants Maiden to release a new album instead of taking a year off. Well, there is a way. An ancient recipe. Extremely powerful... but not easy to implement due to the stubbornness of certain parties involved, as well as the complexity and inherent danger of the required steps. To achieve the desired result, the following voluntary sacrifices and manifestations must be performed.
1. Blaze "The Messiah" Bailey must be restored to the ranks of Iron Maiden. During future concerts, he shall handle all the vocal heavy lifting, thanks to his mighty baritone voice.
2. Dennis "Chartbuster" Stratton must also return as the fourth Amigo in the guitar department. Together with Adrian, they shall make Iron Leppard rock like never before!
3. Having visualized the first two steps in great detail, the ritual performer must, at all costs, witness the final green flash of the setting sun over the sea. He must then be marked by a passing albatross. He shall indulge in excess and refrain from washing for forty days.
The easy part is now over.
4. The ritual performer must bring his daughter to the...
5. At the conclusion of the ceremony, he must gaze toward the horizon and witness a flock of flying pigs.
Only then shall Iron Maiden return to its former
morning glory.
There is also a sixth task. It simply reads:
"Dawson must be replaced by some Lazarus." Scholars remain deeply divided on this point, however, and many consider it both unnecessary and non-canonical.
My part is done. Now it's your turn, my fellow Dissatisfieds.
As for me, I return to the dusty libraries and ancient monasteries... full of nuns who have very little fun.
Good luck, my fellow brothers and sisters in conspiracy and sin.
***
In a new interview with Brazil's Rock Mania, HELLOWEEN singer Michael Kiske reflected on the making of the band's latest album, "Giants & Monsters", which arrived in August 2025 via Reigning Phoenix Music (RPM). Asked if the follow-up to 2021's "Helloween" was "an enjoyable album to write and re...
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