The Three Loves and the Meaning of Life

Like this the following could happen:

If you think someone can't receive love, because that person doesn't love him/herself, then you won't give it, right? Perhaps you're not even going to try it.

(Who says the other person won't think you can't give love because you don't love yourself? Who's the neutral judge here?)

Which means something was decided before an attempt was made, which could cause a(nother) decrease of self confidence (or in your words: whatever the case). A lack of attention won't improve anything.

People influence eachother. Love is interaction, it can evoke the most beautiful things, even if it might take a bit of help from someone else.

Just my 2 cents. I respect your opinion, I just wanted to react to it. :)

edit:
Just in case: I wasn't only talking about love-relations, like (ex-)wifes etc. Love can be given to other people as well. I mean, it just depends on what we mean to say with the term.

edit 2: imo too much 'self love' works like a stopper in a drain, but then in a negative sense (narcism).
 
Forostar said:
Just my 2 cents. I respect your opinion, I just wanted to react to it. :)
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Its cool, and I feel the same towards you, respect and all!

As to the rest, I wouldn't say that its a self fullfilling destiny or anything like that.  In my own experience (self and friends included), one starts out with a normal relationship, and as time goes by, one is giving love, but receiving nothing in return-- eventually.  The ones I have seen don't seem to be able to be satisfied with any relationship, and are always looking 'on the other side of the fence' to find happiness. 

I guess what it boils down to is that the person that lacks in self-love seems to not be able to see love coming their way and accept it...
 
Forostar said:
edit 2: imo too much 'self love' works like a stopper in a drain, but then in a negative sense (narcism).
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In my opinion, narcissism doesn't have anything to do with love. It is more like being "in love" with oneself, and as far as I'm concerned, being in love with somebody and loving somebody are two different things. Being in love is a state of bliss in which you focus on the positive aspects of someone and blind out anything that might not fit in your image of them- you just refuse to accept or believe that any negative things exist about them. You put your loved one on a pedestal and are ready to do anything they desire.
Seriously loving somebody means that you have already grown used to them. You know what they are like, and you are aware of their negative traits, or whatever you perceive as such, but you accept them and found a way to deal with them. You are ready to forgive this person. You can disagree or even fight with them, but neither hold it against them nor resent them for that.

I hope that I'm going to have some time tomorrow to put more of my thoughts into this very interesting thread.
 
Perun said:
Seriously loving somebody means ... You are ready to forgive this person. You can disagree or even fight with them, but neither hold it against them nor resent them for that.
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Bingo!

I hope that I'm going to have some time tomorrow to put more of my thoughts into this very interesting thread.
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Thank you! I for one am pleased with the discussion generated :)
 
I think narcissism blocks the ability to give love.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that 2nd edit in my previous post, because it distracts the attention from the rest I wanted to point out.
 
Perun said:
Being in love is a state of bliss in which you focus on the positive aspects of someone and blind out anything that might not fit in your image of them- you just refuse to accept or believe that any negative things exist about them. You put your loved one on a pedestal and are ready to do anything they desire.
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Being infatuated or obsessed with someone can be the same as described - but that is not necessarily being in love with someone. I know you definition is pretty much a good definition, but it's not the only reason for one to be in that state.
 
You've got a point there, Albie. Let's put it this way: Whenever you're in love with someone, your condition is pretty much like that, but not everytime your condition is like that it means you're in love with this person.
Some people manage to captivate someone. This is best known with charismatic leaders, but I have known "normal" people who have this initial "aura" or "charisma" around them- and in the end, people seriously hated them.
 
Forostar said:
I think narcissism blocks the ability to give love.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that 2nd edit in my previous post, because it distracts the attention from the rest I wanted to point out.
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I was thinking about that this morn, and I was wondering if narcissism is another feature of low self esteem.  I've known people that have a poor self image, but in public, they prance around acting like they are the king of the world.  But, that could be two dif things, narcissism and over reaction to low self esteem.

@Per, I'd agree-- there are people that have that ability to draw someone (or many someones) in, make them think that person is really great, when in reality, that person is just a fucker.  Once the smoke clears, the truth comes out.  Its the really charismatic ones that people know are a fucker, but are still drawn to them.
 
Consider this:
There is a huge difference between "being in love with someone" vs. "loving someone".

Being in love is a hormonal thing, part of our procreational drive. The resulting insanity and associated sweaty bedsheets are something that has been honed by evolution to ensure the species continues. It is usually part of a new relationship; find a couple who's been together for many years, and they feel that way far less often. They're not in love.

Loving someone means sacrificing yourself for their benefit. End of story. In some way or form, all acts of love boil down to that.

These states are not exclusive, of course. They often go together. Because of that, it's easy to confuse some parts of "being in love" with real love. (Such as the obsession with the object of your desire - that's part of "being in love" and does not always indicate real love.) Or they can be separate. (Such as "being in love" without real love, also known as "being horny".)

Or put it this way:
Being in love is a feeling.
Real loving is an action.
 
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