Ban the person above you

I think it is time to ban Batman for his crimes against humanity, his lack of appreciation for what the Beatles set out to accomplish, for the way his hair parts just to one side, for the tattoo that he wants to get, but hasn't pony'd up for yet, for the weather that surrounds him, for poverty, for smog, for south park's reducing creativity, for the fact that Maiden didn't travel to the central US, for the color of the sky, for the fact that I have rain clouds over head, for the rising waters, for the end of civilization, for life, the universe and everything.
 
We must ban Wasted. It has recently come to my attention that Wasted uses vulgar language and makes obscene gestures at those whose opinions differ from his. Let me begin by observing that the proverbs of Theognis, like those of Solomon, are observations on human nature, ordinary life, and civil society, with moral reflections on the facts. I quote him as a witness of the fact that someone has been giving Wasted's brain a very thorough washing, and now Wasted is trying to do the same to us.

Wasted recently stated that the rigors that his victims have been called upon to undergo have been amply justified in the sphere of concrete achievement. He said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. He said it as if he meant it. That's scary because I find it necessary, if I am to meet my reader on something like a common ground of understanding, to point out that many people lie. However, Wasted lies with such ease it's troubling.

Not to belabor the point, but I need your help if I'm ever to make pretentiousness unfashionable. "But I'm only one person," you might protest. "What difference can I make?" The answer is: a lot more than you think. You see, Wasted is neither morally nor intellectually consistent. If he were, he wouldn't first spread ethnocentrism all over the globe like pigeon droppings over Trafalgar Square then afterwards decry my observation that his reportages are becoming increasingly pestiferous. They have already begun to lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction. Now fast-forward a few years to a time in which they have enabled Wasted to flout all of society's rules. If you don't want such a time to come then help me solve the problems that are important to most people. Help me encourage open, civic engagement.

One of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that I and Wasted part company when it comes to the issue of nihilism. He feels that violence and prejudice are funny while I profess that he asserts that he has been robbed of all he does not possess. Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by concrete evidence. Note that the foregoing does not pretend to be an accurate description of all people who might be considered ignorant thought police. It is only a rough indication of some of Wasted's general tendencies.

Wasted has been trying to convince us that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. That argument fails to take into account the reality that Wasted uses big words like "magnetohydrodynamics" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Wasted's memoirs may reek like a skunk, nothing agitates and humiliates Wasted more than when I allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by him. That conclusion is not based on some sort of nefarious philosophy or on Wasted-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that if there's an untold story here, it's that we can no longer afford to do nothing about Wasted's pestilential endeavors. Instead, we must strike while the iron is hot and focus on concrete facts, on hard news, on analyzing and interpreting what's happening in the world.

Wasted's jokes sound so noble, but in fact Wasted's methods are much subtler now than ever before. Wasted is more adept at hidden mind control and his techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized. I, not being one of the many devious, intolerant goofballs of this world, will stop at nothing to hold out the prospect of societal peace, prosperity, and a return to sane values and certainties. My resolve cannot fully be articulated, but it is unyielding. As evidence, consider that while Wasted and other subhuman money-worshippers sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of terror they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance. Hence, it is imperative that you understand that if he believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin, then it's obvious why he thinks that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of gormless stereotypes.

It is clear from what I have already written that I can't understand why Wasted has to be so daft. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside Wasted's head and is making him entangle our peace and prosperity in the toils of the ambition, rivalship, interest, humor, or caprice of jealous prevaricators. It's a bit more likely, however, that some people I know say that you do not need to be parasitic to know that all he wants is to abandon me on a desert island. Others argue that it truly makes far more sense to compare, contrast, and identify the connections among different sorts of pea-brained officialism than to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. At this point the distinction is largely academic given that you may find it instructive to contrast the things I like with the things that he likes. I like listening to music. Wasted likes discrediting and intimidating the opposition. I like kittens and puppies. Wasted likes confusing, disorienting, and disunifying. I like spending time with friends. Wasted likes threatening anyone who's bold enough to state that I'm not writing this letter for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival.

Just as when something flies in the direction of your eyes, your eyelids close instantly and of their own accord, so too does Wasted instinctively and automatically throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future. Astute observers have known for years that his maudlin preoccupation with quislingism, usually sicklied over with such nonsense words as "phenomenalistic", would make sense if a person's honor were determined strictly by his or her ability to introduce more restrictions on our already dwindling freedoms. As that's not the case, we can conclude only that he somehow manages to get away with spreading lies (his faith in irreligionism gives him an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations), distortions (he is a martyr for freedom and a victim of totalitarianism), and misplaced idealism (his homilies are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals). However, when I try to respond in kind, I get censored faster than you can say "ultrastandardization". If you're like most people you just shrug your shoulders whenever you hear about Wasted's latest pernicious warnings. When your shoulders get tired of shrugging I hope you'll realize that Wasted has repeatedly threatened to silence any criticism of the brainwashing and double standards that he has increasingly been practicing. Maybe that's just for maximum scaremongering effect. Or maybe it's because Wasted yearns for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. By the same token, he abhors the current era, in which people are free to report as best as possible the facts and circumstances surrounding his patronizing, vitriolic commentaries.

Wasted subordinates rationality in decision making. (Actually, mudslinging is Wasted's forte, but that's not important now.) His favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". Wasted likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. He then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for him to enthrone falsehood in the very center of human thought. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that no matter how much Wasted squirms and wriggles, he will never escape the fact that he has never been accused of objectivity, and everyone with half a brain understands that.

I'm inclined to think that Wasted's goal is to transform our society into a feckless war machine. This is abject fogyism! Finding the best way to promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad, is a challenging problem indeed. We must therefore tackle this problem with more determination, more tenacity, and more fanaticism than it has ever been tackled before. Only then will people realize that if five years ago I had described a person like Wasted to you and told you that in five years he'd convince power-drunk foppotees that there is absolutely nothing they can do to better their lot in life besides joining him, you'd have thought me haughty. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how predaceous, self-pitying tin-pot tyrants are often found at his elbow. This suggests to me that if he got his way, he'd be able to divert attention from his unprovoked aggression. Brrrr! It sends chills down my spine just thinking about that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 
Ban LC - if he can come up with that in just 20 minutes, he is a threat to the well-being of the rest of the forum members.

... or did he use an advanced gibberish generator? It appears a bit too well-written for that.
 
Ban Chartwell, because this morning, I woke up late and had to hurry through my shower and getting dressed, only to find that my tire was flat.  Also ban Chartwell because I had to drop off my house payment on the way to work and that made me even later.  Ban Chartwell again, because I forgot to take out my garbage this morning and have to rely on a 17 year old to do it for me.

Oh, and ban Chartwell for the hell of it.

Lastly, ban Chartwell because I have the Beastie Boys in my head -- I woke up late for work and I didn't wanna go, now I have to fight for my right to party.
 
Ban Night Prowler for no longer having numbers in his name.
 
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