❤ Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread ❤

mtmccox said:
To update on last troubles and shitshow I was posting here in December I think .. things took a much better turn. We are slowly learning how to be a better person in relationship and even though arguments are almost daily cause we both stubborn as fuck, we know how to very quickly come back together and realize the important base why we are together.

Also today it's a week I became a husband .. it was a fantastic day and it did somehow make the relationship feel just more proper. I did not expect that but I had a lot of fun actually and am riding the feelgood wave now.

29yo now and I was absolutely clueless & hopeless until almost 23. Then, when the time came I quickly picked up on numbers and experineces ... not that any of that really matters. Just wanna say there is hope even for us "tardies".
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Ain't that a wholesome post!
 
I asked a girl in one of my lectures out for coffee today but she was like “see you in class next week”. I don’t know if that’s a bad rejection but I feel really embarrassed for maybe acting too quickly, only talked to her for the second time today. I only did it because I’m afraid the more I wait the more I start to question myself and I’d have to wait a whole week to have the next chance. But now I’m afraid I might have ruined something perfectly nice by being too eager.

The worst part is that this is making me irrationally anxious, the same feeling I had when I was trying to go out with the previous girl before summer (whom I saw today for the first time since then), which never happened.
 
It's not a bad rejection, just a sign that she's not wanting to move beyond "class friendship" at this time. Good on you for asking, though. If I talked to a girl I liked twice, I'd definitely say something along the lines of "Do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" If she's not interested, she's not interested. Now you know. Talk to her sure, but don't push up on it, and just move on. If she changes her mind, she'll find a way to let you know.

Really good on you for asking.
 
Saapanael said:
I asked a girl in one of my lectures out for coffee today but she was like “see you in class next week”. I don’t know if that’s a bad rejection but I feel really embarrassed for maybe acting too quickly, only talked to her for the second time today. I only did it because I’m afraid the more I wait the more I start to question myself and I’d have to wait a whole week to have the next chance. But now I’m afraid I might have ruined something perfectly nice by being too eager.

The worst part is that this is making me irrationally anxious, the same feeling I had when I was trying to go out with the previous girl before summer (whom I saw today for the first time since then), which never happened.
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Here's what I think. If a guy likes me, it doesn't really matter when or how I ask him out, he'll be interested anyway, and it's likely things will work out. If a guy doesn't like me, asking him the fanciest possible way and the best possible moment won't make him like me, and very likely he'll say no in any case. I don't know if this helps you, but I felt much less anxiety after I realized that small "mistakes" or the perfect timing for the asking doesn't really change the outcome. I can concentrate on being myself, the guy then likes me or not, but I can't affect that by not making any "mistakes".
 
I agree with everything you both have said but still am prone to overthinking. Like today I saw her at uni, she was with her friends and I happened to be talking to another girl then, just casually. I don’t know if she noticed or not but immediately it made me feel bad. I don’t wanna come across as some guy who invites every girl out for a coffee. Then when I was leaving the uni, she was at the tram stop, looking at her phone, trying to go unnoticed by me (I know she saw me), which I understand, maybe she’s a little scared. Anyway, I’m rambling uselessly, but the point is that I always get frustrated with these random occurrences. Shortly put, I feel restless.
 
Saapanael said:
Okay, I will calm down. I’ve done enough on my part for now and should just chill the hell out.
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No matter how much you may want something, you can’t will someone else into wanting it too if they’re not interested.

When you find the right person you won’t have to work very hard for things to happen — the two of you will naturally gravitate toward each other. Just leave yourself open to the possibilities and try to shrug things off when things don’t go your way.
 
Saapanael said:
Okay, I will calm down. I’ve done enough on my part for now and should just chill the hell out.
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When I started dating, way back when, I was always really nervous about everything, especially making mistakes. But as I gained experience, I noticed there are some signs to look for. If the guy is keen, that is a good sign. Vagueness, passiveness and ignorance are bad signs, and if they occurred, it pretty much never came to anything. So I was able to relax, at least to a degree! :)
 
Maybe asking her out for coffee there and then wouldn't be a bad idea?
 
I’m not sure how it went. We walked around the Old Town and talked and took some photos. I feel like I talk too much about boring topics like school. I tried to make jokes as well but I wasn’t in my cleverest form. Anyway, we’ll probably see each other in school tomorrow. I wanna invite her out again but I don’t yet know where.
 
It was probably mentioned here somewhere, how old are you Saap?

Ukrainian girls can be super pretty (my mom is one - ha!). Best of luck with that.

Girls will not make sense big time, until you kind of accept that its a thing not controllable and not understandable with our own logic. We are just too different. Then you will accept that its just out of your hand, relax a little. Rejections will make you more comfortable in your shoes and after a couple times you will not think too much about asking a girl out. Some people practice this thing "rejection therapy" where they just go into town asking for stupid shit to get told off to stop fearing that feeling .. to learn the IDGAF approach. Not sure how useful is that. Anyway after more communication and contacts - it t will feel easier, but girls will still not make sense. Unfortunately. And then after committing to a relationship you might ask yourself a thousand times why you put yourself through all this bullshit with this one person .. but I gotta say if in the beginning you choose using your heart and not the calculator .. you will just know that all that is worth it and it will be possible to compromise and forgive. I am blathering again, sorry.

And I kind of agree with the previous post from Lamia - if its there, if it should happen, then even failed plans and awkwardness and whatever, will not ruin the thing. If its not meant to be, then being an elegant polished wordsmith will not help. Plus I have heard some girls like geeky awkward types too. Some are attracted by shyness and little experience. So being a bit foolish can also prove useful in some cases.

Be sure to keep us updated.
 
I'm 21. She's a couple of years younger than me. I just don't wanna be so dry that she's bored with me, that's what I'm afraid of. But we'll see, shan't worry about it.
 
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