the different ways heavy metals saves princesses

R

runningfree

Invader
A protagonist comes to save a princess from a dragon!

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess.

GRIND METAL:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her....... easy and quick.

FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) ...protagonist leaves without the princess.

VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves.

DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess.

GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist.


GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

CHRISTIAN METAL:

The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist but he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."


btw i just found this on someone's xanga (online journal), but i dont think he came up with it, i dont know who did but whoever is responsible for this much credit and props to ya!!
 
[!--emo&:lol:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/lol[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'lol[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]
I had no idea there were so many kinds of metal out there.
The viking and progressive prince would be my favourites.

(Give the information I have now, I really wouldn't like to hear any Gore Metal.)
 
Excellent ! [!--emo&:D--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/biggrin.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'biggrin.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
I loved the Gore and the Progressive metal parts.

Cheers
 
Glam Metal all the way, baby! [!--emo&:D--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/biggrin.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'biggrin.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
Gore and Viking Metal always make me smile! Nice to know that genre purists like to make fun of me and my scaly skinned kind [!--emo&:angry:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/mad.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'mad.gif\' /][!--endemo--] Oh and they forgot Progressive Melodic Blackened Death Metal. [!--emo&:P--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'tongue.gif\' /][!--endemo--] I'm sure there's someone out there that fits into that genre.
 
Reading this, I think I should give a chance to Power Metal. Well maybe not the music but at least to the protagonist. Soooooo romantic...





... or maybe to the Gore protagonist [!--emo&:unsure:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/unsure.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'unsure.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--QuoteBegin-syl+Sep 1 2005, 02:44 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(syl @ Sep 1 2005, 02:44 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]... or maybe to the Gore protagonist  [!--emo&:unsure:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/unsure.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'unsure.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
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I'm sure Jeff Walker would be thinking "Jeez what have my lyrics done to people?"
if he read this.
 
Nothing more, nothing less than reading a medical encyclopedia [!--emo&:puke:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/pukeface.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'pukeface.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--QuoteBegin-syl+Sep 1 2005, 03:07 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(syl @ Sep 1 2005, 03:07 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]Nothing more, nothing less than reading a medical encyclopedia [!--emo&:puke:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/pukeface.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'pukeface.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
[snapback]117087[/snapback]​
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Yeah I guess so, but I sure love to irrigate flatuss from an emaciated stiff! [!--emo&:)--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/smile.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'smile.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
Snorting the stench of latent effluvium
And maturing damp fumes
This foul menage forces tears to your eyes
As the corpse's gas are exhumed....
Intoxicated by foul body odours
And the nauseating tepid whiff
Pinching your nostrils as you irrigate flatus
From the emaciated stiff...

Volatile entrails fume and steam
As they're meticulously hacked during discission
Evaporating sludge and bubbling pus -
A rotten gaseous expiration...

Maturating corpse, the stale smell of decay and rot
A sickening asphyxiation
Gross remains gush, innards turn to sludge
With partial liquefaction...

Smell the rot...
Of the corrupted corpse....
Hallucinogenic trip...

Tissue gases leak - a warm, unpleasant reek
A quite macabre addiction
Deteriorated, bloated corpse - decomposure burning hot
Sniff the smell of carrion...

Inhaling the dank smells
As you gouge out the dripping innards with glee
Succumbling to a translucid state
As you sniff the aroma of necropsy...
Bacterial decomposition
The aroma of fungal/larval infestation
Consuming, ripening slime
As the cadaver is slowly wasting...

Your sore sinews rot, blood curdling coughs
As acrid foetor corrodes your lungs
Body orifices clenched in your teeth
As you frenziedly try to insert the bungs...

Swollen, ripened corpse, the stench of crusting clots
The smell of stale perspiration
Administering watery gore, you're screaming out for more
Addicted to putrefaction....

Snort the corpse...
Get high on the rot...
Orgasmic rush...
Turns your brains to pus...
 
Insipid fumes bellow from the atrabilious chimney
Whilst in the sanctified crevet I calmly pillage and rake
For hot dry powdered human slag
Still steaming in the crematorium's grate

Bio-organic chullition, bones, tar, tallow dehydrates
For my deleterious horticulture so that I may cultivate

Your mortal mechanism dies - in nutrients rich
In the hallowed turf you lie - just for the taking

Charred sinew's as good a lime, no phospahtes do I nneed
Deteriorated flesh used as top-soil, to replenish and nourish seed
Spreading this human potash, as ash matured
Recycling my rich harvest, bring out your dead...for use as manure...

Irrigating tears are shed, but the ground must be fed

(lead fills: Dust in the mausoleum by W.G. Steer)

Tipping and dusting up the split contents of urns
Every morsel that glows like ember on the fire
Extinguishing all hope of beatrific dispatch
These charred chassis desired

Exquiet rites now performed, a coronach sooting up the flu
enter my execrable inferno, even in the after-life, there's work to do

The nitrogen content's high - but the flesh is weak
As the gravesdie mourners cry - you're never to wake again

(lead: Compost humous horticulture by M. Ammot)
burnt brisket renews the ground, to germinate my seed
Cremated bodies are my spoil, to use them as plant-feed
Ploghing this abhorent human manure
Seeding my rich harvest, bring out your dead...for the soils to devour...

Dry the dead are bled, because the ground must be fed
Ans there's still no rest for the dead
(lead: Humanure by W.G. Steer)

I propogate - dust in the grate
Ahses to ashes - dust to dust, diluted water and sprayed on crops
Charcoal, fats, flesh and soot fertilising pasture with active fertile rot

Incumbent - latent calories are spent

Ashes to ashes - dust to dust renewing the land with corpses corrupt
Mortuary scraping, hearses a must, to the hot hearth the deceased are trussed

Harvesting the defouled, to fertilize my soil
Rejuventaing the spent with my fecundate spoils...

Reaping the gone, to nourish the land
Replenishing exhausted pasture with my uncanny sleight of hand
Restoring the unnatural balanced, sowing my seed
Defalcating the departed, I rapt and glean...

So I recite my contrite lament, lacrimation for the dead
Their rest which I disturb...
Where should stand row upon row of cold grey remembrance stones
My cash crops now grow...

Hehe... How handy [!--emo&:viking:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/viking[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'viking[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--emo&:lol:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/lol[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'lol[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--] [!--emo&:lol:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/lol[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'lol[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
Time to get my revenge on genre purists by inprogating them! They will come in quite handy for my crops! [!--emo&:viking:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/viking[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'viking[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]. Damn it! Why isn't this viking grim enough? He must be grim like this! [!--emo&:angry:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/mad.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'mad.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--QuoteBegin-runningfree+Sep 1 2005, 12:57 AM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(runningfree @ Sep 1 2005, 12:57 AM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist.

GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.
[/quote]
[!--emo&:lol:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/lol[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'lol[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]
You did a nice work!!!!
 
Don't forget those bands that play their own unique style of metal, such as:

Emperor: Sophisticated Black Metal
P.O.D.: Christian Rap Metal
HIM: Love Metal
Moonsorrow: Epic Heathen Metal
Enslaved: Viking Metal
Darkthrone: Norse Aryan Black Metal or True Norwegian Black Metal
The Best Band In The Universe: Progressive Melodic Operatic Blackened Gore Metal With Norsecore Influences. [!--emo&:P--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'tongue.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
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