Schrödinger's Iron Mandela Trolley Dilemma

Perun

Perun

His name struck fear into hearts of men
Staff member
A trolley with the members of Iron Maiden on it is speeding down the tracks out of control. You are at a fork and have to decide whether to pull a lever to direct it ahead or left. The lever was designed by Erwin Schrödinger so you don't know which direction it will take until you pull it. If it keeps going straight ahead, the trolley will slow down because the track was designed following EU regulation #3245621 on trolley problem aversion. Everyone will be safe and the UK will rejoin the EU because they now see how beneficial membership is. The US and Canada will join too. The EU will become one nation state and adopt The Angel and the Gambler as its national anthem because indeed, it is our saviour and it will save our lives. The song will be played 15 times a day meaning you will hear that chorus 330 times every day for the rest of your life. If the trolley goes left, it will continue on full speed and crash into another trolley carrying Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Jair Bolsonaro, Donald Trump, Victor Órban and a kitten. Everyone will die. Meanwhile, another trolley coming from the other direction carrying enough Covid-19 vaccine to vaccinate the entire world's population twice over is also out of control. On the other side of the fork, there is also a person forced to pull a lever. If he makes the trolley take the right (your left), it will crash into the Putin-Xi-Bolsonaro-Trump-Órban-kitten trolley derailing both and allowing safe passage for the Maiden trolley, but make you pass through a portal into a parallel universe that is the same as ours only that Somewhere in Time was never recorded and you are the only one to remember the album. If he leaves the trolley to go straight ahead, it may crash into the Maiden trolley that is slowing down, killing the band but avoiding the consequences that would arise if the Maiden trolley had been safe (i.e. the UK doesn't rejoin the EU etc.). If the vaccine trolley does not crash into the Maiden trolley because that one took the left, there will be enough vaccine for everyone but Maiden and the passengers on the Putin-Xi-Bolsonaro-Trump-kitten trolleys will die.

What do you do?
 
Perun said:
A trolley with the members of Iron Maiden on it is speeding down the tracks out of control. You are at a fork and have to decide whether to pull a lever to direct it ahead or left. The lever was designed by Erwin Schrödinger so you don't know which direction it will take until you pull it. If it keeps going straight ahead, the trolley will slow down because the track was designed following EU regulation #3245621 on trolley problem aversion. Everyone will be safe and the UK will rejoin the EU because they now see how beneficial membership is. The US and Canada will join too. The EU will become one nation state and adopt The Angel and the Gambler as its national anthem because indeed, it is our saviour and it will save our lives. The song will be played 15 times a day meaning you will hear that chorus 330 times every day for the rest of your life. If the trolley goes left, it will continue on full speed and crash into another trolley carrying Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Jair Bolsonaro, Donald Trump, Victor Órban and a kitten. Everyone will die. Meanwhile, another trolley coming from the other direction carrying enough Covid-19 vaccine to vaccinate the entire world's population twice over is also out of control. On the other side of the fork, there is also a person forced to pull a lever. If he makes the trolley take the right (your left), it will crash into the Putin-Xi-Bolsonaro-Trump-Órban-kitten trolley derailing both and allowing safe passage for the Maiden trolley, but make you pass through a portal into a parallel universe that is the same as ours only that Somewhere in Time was never recorded and you are the only one to remember the album. If he leaves the trolley to go straight ahead, it may crash into the Maiden trolley that is slowing down, killing the band but avoiding the consequences that would arise if the Maiden trolley had been safe (i.e. the UK doesn't rejoin the EU etc.). If the vaccine trolley does not crash into the Maiden trolley because that one took the left, there will be enough vaccine for everyone but Maiden and the passengers on the Putin-Xi-Bolsonaro-Trump-kitten trolleys will die.

What do you do?
Click to expand...
Have another beer, which I hotly recommend to you as well. You seem to need it.
 
I'd ignore it then blame for the EU for having too much red tape and ineffective policies re trolley safety ofc.
 
Leave the lever alone, mine the rails and stream the entire shebang on Twitch.
 
Send Janick over to incapacitate the guy on the other switch. The other guy is wearing a suicide vest and both Janick and the switch guy are killed, but the tracks are also blown up so the vaccine trolley derails and comes to a halt with most of the vaccines intact.

Since only the lever was designed by Schrödinger and not the trolley tracks themselves, you move the switch in random directions until you observe the tracks line up in the preferred arrangement.

Send the Putin/Trump/Xi trolley through the portal into the parallel universe where Somewhere In Time doesn’t exist, because that’s what they deserve.

Our-universe Maiden, “sadly” minus Janick, coasts to victory while discussing their next beer variety and the fifth leg of the Legacy tour, but of course giving no thought to new music.

‘Murica is saved from the evil socialism of the EU and their co-dictators-for-life, Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Then Jon Schaffer wakes up and he’s still in jail.
 
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