For an introduction, go here.
THOR – Mutants live and demons die
[move]CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION[/move]
[move]CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION[/move]
Deep in the 1980’s, Conan the Barbarian decided to prove his heterosexuality by raping Xena the Warrior Princess. Xena got pregnant and gave birth to twin brothers. One she named Joey DeMaio, and he would grow up to follow a stellar career, that would lead him to fight the world to become King, and eventually God, of Metal. But Joey’s sinister twin brother was locked away in the dungeons to be fed with fish heads until he broke free and unleashed fury to the world. His name was Thor. The original Rock Warrior.
That is the back story one would think of upon setting one’s eye on a record cover – any cover – featuring our blonde, muscular hero. But lo and behold, Thor’s career, or lack thereof, predates Manowar’s call to arms by almost half a decade.
A renowned body-builder throughout the early 70’s, John-Mikl Thor – alarmingly enough, that is his real name – decided the world of lifting things wasn’t exciting enough and decided to start making rock music. His first release, Keep the Dogs Away, became a big hit in Alaska in 1977 and was the first of a string of albums that turned out to be similar flops throughout the 80’s. Thor’s pinnacle or low point, depending on how you see it, was his starring role in the 1987 film, Rock ‘n Roll Nightmare, one of those motion pictures that makes Ed Wood look like Stanley fucking Kubrick. Consequently, it basically ended his career until he resurfaced in the late 90’s, his hair now cut short, and his success going as strong as ever.
One would wonder why, if Thor sported an outward appearance that resembled He-Man and should have tapped the pulse of the cheese-thirsty 80’s more than anything, he is one of heavy metal’s forgotten heroes. Perhaps ‘forgotten’ is the wrong word – he was never recognised to begin with. The answer is short and harsh: His music sucks. Thor can’t sing, his musicians, including his ‘chosen one’ Pantera, can’t play and the song writing is as bland as a grey brick wall. You could almost – almost – argue that his music is so bad it’s good again. There are a few moments of hilarity here and there, such as the ending to the song, Ragnarok, where the chorus repetitions are so annoying they are in fact funny. Occasionally, Thor utters a classic phrase (“Behold the Hammer!”) and some of the song titles are pure gold: Thunder on the Tundra, When Gods Collide or Let the Blood Run Red. But to be honest, the titles are often more entertaining than the music himself.
Speaking of entertainment, to be fair, Thor probably never saw himself as a grand musician. He clearly understood himself to be an entertainer, and he emphasised this by embedding magic tricks to his show, such as bending an iron bar with his teeth or blowing up a plastic bottle so it explodes. I suppose our Canadian hero is a nice bloke who just wants us to have a good time, which essentially we do. He’s good fun every once in a while due to his completely over-the-top 80’s cheese and his novelty value based on his obscurity. There’s fun to be had with Thor as long as he doesn’t outstay his welcome.
Lightning Strikes Again
Keep the Dogs Away
The Amazing Thor bends a steel bar with his teeth!
BONUS: THOR vs CRONOS - The comic!
Spoilered due to size
THOR – Mutants live and demons die
[move]CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION +++ CAUTION[/move]
Deep in the 1980’s, Conan the Barbarian decided to prove his heterosexuality by raping Xena the Warrior Princess. Xena got pregnant and gave birth to twin brothers. One she named Joey DeMaio, and he would grow up to follow a stellar career, that would lead him to fight the world to become King, and eventually God, of Metal. But Joey’s sinister twin brother was locked away in the dungeons to be fed with fish heads until he broke free and unleashed fury to the world. His name was Thor. The original Rock Warrior.
That is the back story one would think of upon setting one’s eye on a record cover – any cover – featuring our blonde, muscular hero. But lo and behold, Thor’s career, or lack thereof, predates Manowar’s call to arms by almost half a decade.
A renowned body-builder throughout the early 70’s, John-Mikl Thor – alarmingly enough, that is his real name – decided the world of lifting things wasn’t exciting enough and decided to start making rock music. His first release, Keep the Dogs Away, became a big hit in Alaska in 1977 and was the first of a string of albums that turned out to be similar flops throughout the 80’s. Thor’s pinnacle or low point, depending on how you see it, was his starring role in the 1987 film, Rock ‘n Roll Nightmare, one of those motion pictures that makes Ed Wood look like Stanley fucking Kubrick. Consequently, it basically ended his career until he resurfaced in the late 90’s, his hair now cut short, and his success going as strong as ever.
One would wonder why, if Thor sported an outward appearance that resembled He-Man and should have tapped the pulse of the cheese-thirsty 80’s more than anything, he is one of heavy metal’s forgotten heroes. Perhaps ‘forgotten’ is the wrong word – he was never recognised to begin with. The answer is short and harsh: His music sucks. Thor can’t sing, his musicians, including his ‘chosen one’ Pantera, can’t play and the song writing is as bland as a grey brick wall. You could almost – almost – argue that his music is so bad it’s good again. There are a few moments of hilarity here and there, such as the ending to the song, Ragnarok, where the chorus repetitions are so annoying they are in fact funny. Occasionally, Thor utters a classic phrase (“Behold the Hammer!”) and some of the song titles are pure gold: Thunder on the Tundra, When Gods Collide or Let the Blood Run Red. But to be honest, the titles are often more entertaining than the music himself.
Speaking of entertainment, to be fair, Thor probably never saw himself as a grand musician. He clearly understood himself to be an entertainer, and he emphasised this by embedding magic tricks to his show, such as bending an iron bar with his teeth or blowing up a plastic bottle so it explodes. I suppose our Canadian hero is a nice bloke who just wants us to have a good time, which essentially we do. He’s good fun every once in a while due to his completely over-the-top 80’s cheese and his novelty value based on his obscurity. There’s fun to be had with Thor as long as he doesn’t outstay his welcome.
Lightning Strikes Again
Keep the Dogs Away
The Amazing Thor bends a steel bar with his teeth!
BONUS: THOR vs CRONOS - The comic!
Spoilered due to size
I heard of it some time ago, didn't like it then, don't like it now. But I must say that these threads are a great idea, and are very interesting to read 
