I care

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In recent times, I am frequently confronted with situations in which people don't consider what effects their actions may have on other people. I frequently hear phrases like "I didn't mean it that way" or "you misunderstood...". There are harmless cases, and there are cases in which I witness how people, good friends of mine among others, get hurt by this. I don't know if there's a trend, but it seems to me like the amount of arseholes has exploded within the last two months or so. I notice how this attitude reflects on myself, and I've had unwanted and surprising disputes with people about this. All of the sudden I'm arguing with people even though I never had any negative intentions.
I'm always careful about what I say and I try to approach people with as respect and consideration. Now that I see how so many people don't seem to care about others, not even those they consider their friends, I increasingly wonder why I should. I think this is a very sad attitude and I had always hoped I would never seriously ask myself such questions. I'm certainly not happy with it and I also feel very guilty about this, but I can't get rid of this question.

Anyway, I'd like to know how other people deal with situations like this and if they could give me any advice.
 
Perun, pal. You're in an interesting transition age (like myself) between teenager and adult. People are having more and more ramifications with their actions than when they were younger, and not quite realizing it yet. For instance, if you're 14 or 15, and you jokingly call someone a name, it's likely that only other similarly minded kids of similar ages will hear it. At this age, immature acts like that last in a person's consciousness, and can cause longer lasting hurts and feuds.

In the long run, dude, holding respect for others and treating people well will be a great asset. Yeah, kids are stupid. But when you're ready to evolve into an adult, and they aren't? Maybe it's time to move on from those friendships...
 
I completely agree with LC here. Just 'cause other people are being a-holes doesn't mean you have to, just counter with respect and kindness, you don't have to argue. Sooner or later they will get the picture you don't screw around.

This reminds me of an incident I had with a very close friend of mine. Political Correctness is non-existent in Mexico and in school as a joke we would call each other the "N" word (there were like three black dudes in the entire school so they couldn't do much about it) for the hell of it, non of us are black hehe. This was when we were 15. This december I went back and met up with him and we went to see The incredibles in Spanish (funny shit) And as a Joke I said "A that crazy n*r" refering to one of the animated characters. Instead of getting the expected chuckle out of my friend he frowned and said, "dude don't say that" I was actually annoyed that he didn't find it funny, but now... well, guess he moved on and I haven't....
 
[!--QuoteBegin-Onhell+Mar 2 2005, 04:29 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Onhell @ Mar 2 2005, 04:29 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]This reminds me of an incident I had with a very close friend of mine. Political Correctness is non-existent in Mexico and in school as a joke we would call each other the "N" word (there were like three black dudes in the entire school so they couldn't do much about it) for the hell of it, non of us are black hehe. This was when we were 15. This december I went back and met up with him and we went to see The incredibles in Spanish (funny shit) And as a Joke I said "A that crazy n*r" refering to one of the animated characters. Instead of getting the expected chuckle out of my friend he frowned and said, "dude don't say that" I was actually annoyed that he didn't find it funny, but now... well, guess he moved on and I haven't....
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I know where you're coming from there, Onhell. In the high school LC and I went to, we had only one black person. So naturally, I didn't grow up being very concerned about offending them. I find myself having to watch what I say now. I don't deliberately insult people, ethnicities, etc but growing up in an overwhelmingly white, middle class place just made me not consider these things.


As for what Perun is saying, I see it too. It takes only a few seconds to think about what you're about to say to someone before you say it. Unfortunately, I'm one of the people who sometimes can't do this. I say stuff sometimes and immediately stick my foot in my mouth. I usually don't have any malice, but it still comes out.
 
[!--QuoteBegin--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]the amount of arseholes has exploded within the last two months[/quote]

Well, I have to say most of my friends are arseholes.... [!--emo&-_---][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/sleep.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'sleep.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--QuoteBegin-Onhell+Mar 2 2005, 09:29 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Onhell @ Mar 2 2005, 09:29 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--] Just 'cause other people are being a-holes doesn't mean you have to, just counter with respect and kindness, you don't have to argue. Sooner or later they will get the picture you don't screw around.
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This is the essence of Christianity and the one thing I love about it. I actually follow this rule as if it were for me a comandment.
 
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