Mental Health Thread

[GhostofCain]

Two sides are constantly fighting inside me. One side says: “You’ve got this. Keep working on yourself, focus on your work, studies and maintaining a healthy routine. Eat, sleep, stay active, you are your own master and no one else can put you down. You will find happiness yet.” While the other side keeps repeating: “You’ve been depressed for so long, you cannot overcome it whatever you do. Even if you manage to find happiness or stability, you won’t be able to feel any joy out of it, because you’re so dulled out already. And if you can’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to offer any support to your family and friends. Just do yourself a favor and die.”
I would seek therapy if I could afford it.

Don't give up mate. I'm also dealing with a deep depression for a long time and since the summer has been worse than ever. I'm sure depression is what it does until the point you're nothing at all, but keep doing all the good things you're doing: eat, sleep, stay active all these healthy things and keep away from social media , don't compare with others… and watch and enjoy positive little things in life. People like us World today is darker than ever. But stay strong, you're not the only one and you're not alone in this.

I am really sorry to hear that! Just try and focus on the positive things!

 

[Onhell]

This past year was a big step forward for me in truly embracing who I see myself to be and not who others see or want me to be. For example, just this morning my mother said that I "wasted" my time in high school in the U.S, because I didn't have a good enough to get into university and had to go to community college first. This surprised me for two reasons, 1. She has stated in the past how good it was I went to CC because it saved us a lot of money in tuition and 2. I made the honor roll every single quarter with straight As.

I had to remind her that my GPA from Mexico was SO BAD that even with those straight As I was a hair away from being able to be admitted straight to University. So then she switches gears and says that I wasted HER financial sacrifice by having such a poor GPA in Mexico having gone to the most expensive and "best" school in the country. So I said, um... how exactly? I still went to university, I still finished my degree, actually worked in my field and I am who I am personally and professionally thanks to that foundation?" Again she repeated my shitty grades and again I said, "Yeah, cuz clearly they held me back. How did I EVER end up as a professor? I'm sorry for not going to Harvard, I'm sorry for being such a horrid disappointment."

Thing is, sorry I'm not sorry. When I was younger I would feel tremendous guilt for not living up to my parents' expectations, I couldn't care less anymore. I know who I am, I've carved out my own definition of happiness and success. I've mentioned it before (I think), but whether I wanted to be a priest, I was a social worker, pharmacy technician, call center trainer and now ESL teacher. The common thread is I love helping people.

I help my students beyond their classes. I've had students with anxiety, depression, both, in DV situations, going through a quarter life crises, etc. I guide them the best I can and most of them bounce back fairly well. The "thank you" emails I get at the end of every semester are incredibly touching and they all hit the same points. They thank me for my patience, kindness and understanding.

I've recently done the same for friends and partners. One friend recently told me she felt "lost," "aimless." I asked her whatever happened to the food truck business she wanted to start and she said, "Oh, you know, you're the only one that believes in me, not even my mom thinks I can get that going." clearly, I can relate.

Just last night I was talking with one of the classmates I befriended from my German Class and she says, "Can I be honest with you? I don't have anybody I can talk to." "Sure, What's up?" "I want to kill myself. I've told my parents how I feel, but they just say I'm sad, because I want to." I felt for her, but at the same time I thought to myself, "I got this." And I was able to walk her off the ledge.

I got a Sisyphus tattoo a year ago and this year I got an Atlas tattoo. Sisyphus, to me, represents Patience, Resilience and Perseverance. Atlas represents my tendency to take on other's peoples issues and carry them for them. This is who I am. I don't know why strangers, acquaintances and my students open up to me and tell me some really personal things. I am someone who they feel they can trust with it and I take it very seriously.

Life is hard enough as it is. I choose to help in whatever way I can to make it just a little less bad. It may have taken me 42 years to fully embrace it and be comfortable with it, but now that I have, I, oddly, feel a load off my shoulders.