Lame and not so lame jokes

IronDuke

Ancient Mariner
If you're a Canadian outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom?
European!


Why is everyone afriad of the number 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
 
A Rothweiler walked into a bar and said:
"A double Jack Daniels on the rocks!"
The bartender replies:
"Bloody hell! A talking dog!"

Two cannibals are eating a clown. The first cannibal says to the second one: "Doesn't this taste funny to you?"


Duke should change his avatar.
 
Two guys were working for the city. One would dig a hole—he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole—fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously, one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't understand what they were doing.

He says to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replies, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

Ok.... [!--emo&:blink:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/blink.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'blink.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
What;s the difference between a rabbit that does a lot of esercise and a clown?
One is a Fit Bunny the other is a Bit Funny. [!--emo&:p--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'tongue.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
why did the chicken cross the road?? i dunno you tell me [!--emo&:blink:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/blink.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'blink.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--QuoteBegin-conorsdaman@hotmail.com+Oct 7 2005, 05:49 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(conorsdaman@hotmail.com @ Oct 7 2005, 05:49 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]What;s the difference between a rabbit that does a lot of esercise and a clown?
One is a Fit Bunny the other is a Bit Funny. [!--emo&:p--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'tongue.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
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That one is so stupid it actually is funny [!--emo&;)--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/wink.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'wink.gif\' /][!--endemo--]



What do you call a sleeping male moose?

A bulldozer!
 
What's black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra [!--emo&:lol:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/lol[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'lol[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]

I saw that one on a Peter Kay programme.
 
whats green,red, and goes 100 mph?

a frog in a blender!







god i need a life.....
 
first one man walked into a bar...
then someone else did it...wich is funny
 
A guy came to the girl in bar and offer her a drink? He asked: "Hi, what are you drinking? Girl answered: "Vodka", and guy asked her again: "...and where it is...?"
 
A horse walks into a bar and asks for a pint
The bar man says, sorry, no horses after 7.
 
What's white and sticky, and falls out of the sky?

The coming of the Lord. [!--emo&:p--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'tongue.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
[!--QuoteBegin-BroDD+Oct 13 2005, 10:38 AM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(BroDD @ Oct 13 2005, 10:38 AM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]first one man walked into a bar...
then someone else did it...wich is funny
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Don't get it.

[!--QuoteBegin-Paschendale_CRO+Oct 13 2005, 01:15 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Paschendale_CRO @ Oct 13 2005, 01:15 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]A guy came to the girl in bar and offer her a drink? He asked: "Hi, what are you drinking? Girl answered: "Vodka", and guy asked her again: "...and where it is...?"
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Don't get it.

[!--QuoteBegin-conorsdaman@hotmail.com+Oct 13 2005, 04:45 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(conorsdaman@hotmail.com @ Oct 13 2005, 04:45 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]A horse walks into a bar and asks for a pint
The bar man says, sorry, no horses after 7.
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Don't get it.

[!--QuoteBegin-Pineapple Hunter+Oct 13 2005, 08:34 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Pineapple Hunter @ Oct 13 2005, 08:34 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]Whats brown and sticky?

A stick!!!
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I get it!

[!--QuoteBegin-Maverick+Oct 13 2005, 08:45 PM--][div class=\'quotetop\']QUOTE(Maverick @ Oct 13 2005, 08:45 PM)[/div][div class=\'quotemain\'][!--QuoteEBegin--]What's white and sticky, and falls out of the sky?

The coming of the Lord.  [!--emo&:p--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/tongue.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'tongue.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
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Don't get it..... o wait, yes I do! [!--emo&:blush:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/blush.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'blush.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
There were Linda and Angie standing at the Pearly Gates of heaven, exchanging stories on how they died.
Linda said that she had a heart attack and Angie said that she froze to death.

Angie asked, "How did you manage to have a heart attack?"...

Linda said, "Well I suspected my husband was cheating on me so I went home to catch him in the act...but when I arrived home he was sitting on the couch by himself.
I ran upstairs to check all the closets and under the beds and everything. I looked everywhere!!! so I went downstairs and checked all there and I didn`t see anybody and after all that running around and excitement, I guess my heart just gave out!!!!"

Angie said, "Well if you would have looked in the freezer first, We would both still be alive!!!!!.

[!--emo&:blush:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/blush.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'blush.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
Come on, marce. We said "lame jokes", not hilarious ones like this one! [!--emo&:lol:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/lol[1].gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'lol[1].gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
Why are hurricane and a divorce have the same hillbillies ?
Because in either case, someone always lose a trailer. [!--emo&:rolleyes:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/rolleyes.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'rolleyes.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
A man walked into a bar...ouch.

What's red and white and would hurt if it fell on you from a tree? A coke machine.

What do you call a boy in a swimming pool? Bob.
 
A wig and a piece of shit walk into the bar. The wig says to the bartender "we'll have have two pints please". The bartender says to the wig "I'm not serving you!". The wig says "why not?!!". To which the bartnder replies "Well you're off your head and your mate's steamin".


BOOM BOOM!!!!!! [!--emo&:D--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/biggrin.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'biggrin.gif\' /][!--endemo--]

Sorry bout that one. [!--emo&:unsure:--][img src=\'style_emoticons/[#EMO_DIR#]/unsure.gif\' border=\'0\' style=\'vertical-align:middle\' alt=\'unsure.gif\' /][!--endemo--]
 
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