Mental Health Thread

Do you fear death, dying, etc.?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 24.0%
  • No

    Votes: 19 38.0%
  • Trying my best to not think about it

    Votes: 15 30.0%
  • Never really thought about it and I'm unable to come up with an answer on a spot

    Votes: 4 8.0%

  • Total voters
    50
Today is the 150th anniversary of the Estonian Song Festival, a festival that takes place every 4 years. It is a very special occasion on which tens of thousands of choir singers and folk dancers march towards the festival grounds in a procession that lasts for hours. I was able to observe this procession from a balcony and be part of the nation-uniting ceremony. It made me feel proud but also sad and jealous. Jealous of the fact that so many people belong to a choir or a dance group and sad that I’m not one of those active people. All those people from all over Estonia (and beyond) who are able to come together for a day or two and celebrate our nation, their faces reflecting a total lack of worry. I would also like to have completely carefree moments, moments of no judgement, worry or self-consciousness. I wish I had the capacity to glide through life in a more carefree state. I wish I wouldn’t compare my life to others’ lives 24/7, be it someone on social media or participants in the festival procession. I have such a hard time feeling joy out of my own experiences. Then again, I shouldn’t have anything to complain about as I have a roof over my head and the means to build a life for myself. And yet I’m constricted by my own mind, my negative outlook on life and I don’t know how to break free. I reach out to people in pathetic ways and dig the whole ever deeper. I’m stuck in a rut that leads only to humiliation and disappointment. Right now, having drowned three beers, it’s quite okay but in the morning, I will once again be an object of misery, devoid of the energy to start a better life.
 
@Saapanael, had it occured to you that all these people to whom you compare yourself unfavourably might actually be giving you clues about what you really want? For example, you mentioned that you felt jealous of the singers and folk dancers, so why not join a group that will teach you to sing or dance? (They must exist, or they would shortly run out of singers and dancers!) You seem to be waiting for your circumstances to change, but I really think that if you do something - it doesn't have to be very much - to proactively change your own circumstances you will feel powerful as a result, and that will give you some energy to do a bit more. (I do speak from personal experience here!)

Also, I don't mean this as a criticism but you do seem to be somewhat focused on yourself, and that's a nasty downward spiral to be stuck in. If we all did that it wouldn't take any of us very long to realise how completely inadequate we are. So we don't, and we gradually learn to play to our strengths and not allow our weaknesses to dominate. Very few human beings ever completely crack this and most of us are in a continual process of working it out.

Now, cheer up and go and listen to "Wildest Dreams", because right now it's got your name on it ... :)
 
To be honest, all I want is a couple of good friends to hang out and have fun with. I look out my window in summer and see one group of teenagers after another just hanging out, and get incredibly jealous. Why can’t I have friends like that, I ask myself daily. I go out in hopes of finding someone but always walk alone, and it’s like that year after year. Soon I’ll be old enough that it’s ridiculous for me to think about hanging out with teenagers and I will have missed out on this part of growing up for good.
 
Hanging out with friend looks cool, but it doesn't always feel cool. Most of the time I'm not having fun when i'm hanging out with friends.
 
Possibly to keep the crew and relationships alive. You might find yourself wanting to see no-one and being fully alone but it would be smart to hang out with people once in a while just so you don't lose touch.
 
It's like going to the gym. I'm not necessarly having fun when I'm training at the gym (hanging out), but I want to look good (to look as a popular person) and I know that I will need physical strenght (Social skills) a lot in my life.
And also to keep the relationships alive.
 
So something really creepy happened to me last night. I'm putting it here instead of the creepy thread, because I'm sure it was caused by stress.

So I've been an adjunct proffesor for a year now and my application to become full-time faculty has been dragging for about that long for various reasons. However, I was informed that I should have it "in July." Well... July is here and almost over and still nothing. This makes me nervous, because as an adjunct they asign my class to another professor, but I give it, they get the pay and full benefits and then just give me the after tax net pay. The problem being, once they know your app is near completion they simply leave them as "staff" on the schedule and, get this, pay NO ONE. I was told that my app will now be completed until August, which means I'll work AT LEAST half the month for free, potentially longer. It has become my main source of income as I'll only teach two classes throughout the semester at the language institute. I have some savings, but only to get me by maybe three months.

On top of that rainy season started and with it power outages. My house is the only house in the entire neighborhood that hasn't had power for close to two days. I submitted an online claim and my GF submitted one on the phone. today we've been calling only to get the, "All our reps are busy, please hold," BS for 15 minutes before it hangs up. While the darkness and silence isn't too bad I worry about the food in my fridge. We asked the neighbors today if we could put some stuff in their freezer before it goes bad and they said yes, but we also have some veggies, milk, etc... Finally because we have no power, the plug in mosquito repelants have been worthless.

This week I'm done with both my current courses, the summer semester at the university and a 19 day intensive course at the institute. So we have finals, turning in grades, etc. all the closing out activities that are stressing me the fuck out.

All that brings me to last night. I'm stressing out, because of work. I can't sleep because the mosquitos keep buzzing in my ear and I'm just getting irritated. I grab one of the candles we have, go to the TV room and sit in the recliner trying to read a hockey magazine just to see if it'lll make me sleepy and just pass out. Just when I think it is working and I'm laying on the couch facing the hallway I hear deep snoring. I'm comforted to recognize it as my own and begin to fall back to sleep when all of a sudden that snoring is no longer mine and I hear it behind me, by my ear. I open my eyes and I can still hear it as well as I can FEEL someone behind me. I look out into the hallway and into the bedroom where my GF is still sleeping. I try to move, but of course I can't, I can only lay there, paralysed and as I try to call her name nothing happens. As I'm trying to rouse myself from this, from behind the bedroom door I see someone walk out it what appears to be a white t-shirt, blue jeans and a white sheet over their head. All they do is walk back and forth from behind the door, across the doorway out of sight and back. All I could think of was, "Great, this is the first time this happens in over 15 years and I get TWO of you?" I was more concerned about the thing behind me than the one in the bedroom as it started moving around.

I began taking deep breathes and tried calling out to my GF, but her name only came out as a whisper. Finally I was able to get up and yell it waking her up. I just collapsed back into the couch breathing heavily and shaking. She came over all concerned and I told her all about it. "It's just the stress, hun, breathe, you're ok."

I hadn't spiraled so bad in years. I need this week to be over and for my power to be back on.
 
How to go about a problem that you have a hard time dealing with but can't tell anyone about? In case this is impossible to answer, take it as a rhetorical question.
 
How to go about a problem that you have a hard time dealing with but can't tell anyone about? In case this is impossible to answer, take it as a rhetorical question.

Not so tough, actually very relatable. In most cases I review the problem over and over. Yes... I obssess about it, often for days. Once I am painfully and intimately familiar with every detail I start playing around with it. I take it apart and put it back together... like a puzzle. Rewind and fast forward like a movie, etc. Then I start putting the pieces in different places or start editing the "video." Point is I am my own devil's advocate. Since I can't seek other people's advice I pretend to be those other people and I look at the problem from as many points of view as I can on my own. 95% of the time I am able to find a solution. The other 5% it usually blows up in my face before I can find one or because I failed to find one.
 
I'm not sure if that's really good advice.

I actually think professional help would be a good way here.
 
I'm not sure if that's really good advice.

I actually think professional help would be a good way here.

Well, I assumed when mentioned, "can't talk to anyone about it," That included a professional. Also, not knowing EXACTLY and assuming the best as in not a life/death situation. Also, seeking professional help is ALWAYS a good idea no matter what. That goes without saying. If someone is asking here and not going to a professional is for a reason.
 
When I said “can’t tell anyone”, that actually includes professionals. A professional is still probably the best answer but I would have to have a lot of trust for them. I considered telling the last one I saw, and later thought: “Thank god I didn’t”.
 
I don’t know what Saap did, but a health care professional would be the best bet. Even if you committed a crime, in most cases they can’t go
to the police.
 
If someone asks a question here, it's because they want OUR opinion. If the answer they always get is, "go to a professional," not only is it dismissive, but dangerous as they may stop seeking help all together. Just like when we ask a question in any other topic and someone says, "Google it." if I want to know what Google says, I'll Google it, if I ask here is because I want to know what the community I know and trust has to say on the matter.

Remember at the end of the day it is up to the person whether or not they take said advice.
 
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