Mental Health Thread

Do you fear death, dying, etc.?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 24.0%
  • No

    Votes: 19 38.0%
  • Trying my best to not think about it

    Votes: 15 30.0%
  • Never really thought about it and I'm unable to come up with an answer on a spot

    Votes: 4 8.0%

  • Total voters
    50
While I agree with your point, it was not my original intention. It was more the contrast of what I personally consider having lived a long life and the tragedy of an "untimely" death, due to feeling lost and without purpose.
Yeh sorry, that was just thoughts that came in to my head while I was having my lunch; I realise that wasn't really what you were talking about.
I plan on posting about this on the What Tech You Got topic sometime this week.
Will be interested in reading that.
Is this what Cried does for a living? He pushes paper about?
You don't know the half of it...
 
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I've made dozens of new acquaintances in uni since autumn and it's more frequent than ever for me to see a familiar face in a corridor and say hi, but some days I go home feeling empty, afraid that every single one of them is fleeting and superficial.
 
The only instance in which people will fake a positive reaction or greeting is when they have an incentive (usually financial) to do so.

Sometimes, your relationship with your acquaintances is not as close as you may think, but it's highly unlikely that anybody is faking anything.
 
The only instance in which people will fake a positive reaction or greeting is when they have an incentive (usually financial) to do so.

Sometimes, your relationship with your acquaintances is not as close as you may think, but it's highly unlikely that anybody is faking anything.

I disagree. The reason people say/ask, "Hi, how are you?" is purely out of reciting a social script they've been taught. They honestly don't care. Next time a vague acquaintance, classmate or coworker asks you, answer honestly. Say, "Well since you ask, I've been really stressed, you know, work school, not to mention I have no idea how I'm going to make rent this month and I've had it with my neighbors dog shitting in my yard every day. I swear to god I want to poison that mutt. Ever had that feeling? That you are just at your whits end? Sucks, doesn't it?" And watch them either dose off half way through or just look at you in shock, because they actually don't care.


There is nothing wrong with social niceties, but let's not kid ourselves either. I don't think having single-serving friends is as bad as Fight Club portrayed it. Every social circle has it's purpose and it isn't always financial.
 
People have the freedom not to say anything when they see you. If they're going out of their way to do it, and it's not their job, that means they care. Like I said, maybe not as much as to listen to you complain about your life for a minute, but it's something they went out of their way to do.

It's the question itself that people say without meaning it, not the greeting. It's just the common way of greeting people.
 
People have the freedom not to say anything when they see you. If they're going out of their way to do it, and it's not their job, that means they care. Like I said, maybe not as much as to listen to you complain about your life for a minute, but it's something they went out of their way to do.

It's the question itself that people say without meaning it, not the greeting. It's just the common way of greeting people.

You're right that they don't have to, but in an office environment the person who doesn't do it isn't seen as "honest," they're seen as "rude." And if you bump into them while making coffee in the break room, it isn't going out of their way to simply say, "Good morning!" I know which of my coworkers, genuinely mean it and which do it out of social script. Either way I don't mind as it saves a lot of time and emotional effort. But that is a greater conversation regarding social interactions not really in the scope here.

Point being, Nothing to stress about. If you genuinely care what a certain someone thinks... ask them. Sometimes it takes openning up, being vulnerable, to see who you can trust and who you can't. Who you can begin to call friends and who to keep at arms length... or further. It often happens organically, especially in the university, with classes, parties, etc. At my age one does have to force things a little more, but from teens through mid-20s it tends to happen naturally.
 
Point being, Nothing to stress about. If you genuinely care what a certain someone thinks... ask them. Sometimes it takes openning up, being vulnerable, to see who you can trust and who you can't. Who you can begin to call friends and who to keep at arms length... or further. It often happens organically, especially in the university, with classes, parties, etc. At my age one does have to force things a little more, but from teens through mid-20s it tends to happen naturally.
I still make friends easily, even at my advanced age. But the amount of people who are really close to me? Phew, that's tough. Excluding family, I believe I can count them on one hand.
 
That leads to what do we mean by "friend?" I don't consider friendly coworkers or acquaintances as "friends." I do get a long very well with people at work, but I only consider one of them a friend. The rest vary in level of acquaintanceship. All groups have their function, but at this stage, I prefer to stick to close friendships.
 
I want the cycle of misery to end. I want to be able to feel joy, I want to let go of the negative things that hold me back. I want to have friends and hear something reassuring every now and then. I want to have a girlfriend and stop obsessing over every female who walks. I want to belong, feel at home, have fun and believe that youth is the beautiful time everyone lets you know it is. I don’t want to be lost any longer, commuting back and forth aimlessly. I don’t want to step outside, suffocated by misery. I want to abandon all the noise and focus on the good things. I want things to change, as I’ve wanted for years, and I don’t know what the hell to do to make life worth living. I want to know that there is a reason to push on.
 
I want the cycle of misery to end. I want to be able to feel joy, I want to let go of the negative things that hold me back. I want to have friends and hear something reassuring every now and then. I want to have a girlfriend and stop obsessing over every female who walks. I want to belong, feel at home, have fun and believe that youth is the beautiful time everyone lets you know it is. I don’t want to be lost any longer, commuting back and forth aimlessly. I don’t want to step outside, suffocated by misery. I want to abandon all the noise and focus on the good things. I want things to change, as I’ve wanted for years, and I don’t know what the hell to do to make life worth living. I want to know that there is a reason to push on.

There are quite a few things to unpack here, but I think I have some suggestions. The first one is, I recently shared a Ted Talk on my facebook with the headline, "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection." I think it applies to things like anxiety, depression, stress, etc. I see that as the common theme of your post. The girlfriend, belonging, not feeling miserable, etc. What you yearn for is connection. This has many forms, but it starts with YOU. You HAVE TO be connected to yourself, know, forgive and love yourself. It is NOT easy and it's a lifelong, ongoing process, but once you hit your stride things become a tad easier.

I noticed something with myself after my divorce a couple of years ago. I no longer wanted a partner. Not because I was bitter or jaded (I was lol), but because I saw myself as having had my run and a rather successful one when it came to women and dating. I was done. One of the reasons I was at peace with that decision was my strong bond to my friends, both men and women. It dawned on me that I had deep, intimate relationships with my friends without the necessity of physical intimacy. They accepted and loved me for who I was, faults and all. They didn't judge me, but did set me straight when I needed it. I could truly speak my mind without fear of an unpleasant argument. More importantly, the ability to be open and vulnerable without fear of losing them or being ridiculed. Everything you are supposed to get from a partner. I say "supposed to," because due to stupid romantic comedies, idealizing and romantizicing relationships instead of the the truth that it isn't all good all the time, people tend to fall in love with the IDEA of being in love and in a relationship rather than being willing to put in the hard work that it takes to be in one. Aside from realizing how lucky I was with the nature of my friendships, I also realized I adored my freedom. Doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted withouth having to check in with someone even out of common courtesy. Point is, yeah partners are great, but get ready to compromise... A LOT.

Also, who says youth is a beautiful time? Life sucks, always. No matter how young or old you are. "Childhood" and the idea of "enjoying your youth" is a first-world, middle class construct. MOST people live in squaler, MOST people struggle all their lives. thousands are currently dropping dead in Yemen of starvation. China spies and controls their own citizens to the point it decides who can travel and who can't. The U.S can't provide decent education or basic needs like clean drinking water to many of its regions.... life is hard, always. But just because it is hard and it sucks it doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable.

You have to shed expectations, social and your own. For example, nothing wrong in wanting a girlfriend, but she should be an "extra" in your life. YOU are responsible for your happiness, not her. All these things you yearn are extras. Are you employed? Have a roof over your head? can cover your basic needs every month and still have a little extra to go to the movies? Then, my friend, you're golden. Being ALIVE is reason enough to be "happy." Remember, be at peace with yourself and with what you HAVE, instead of stressing over what you don't. Wanting things is not a bad things, that's how we progress, but want them for the RIGHT reasons. Again, a partner should be a plus to your life and should not, like Jerry Mcguire says, complete you. You should already be complete or as close to it as no one is perfect. The more at peace you are with yourself the easier you'll find it to connect with others and ultimately someone specifically.

I suffered a lot from the time I was a teen to my late 20s. We all have our own journeys and will come to our own conclusions, point is, it can get better. Not saying it will, because again, that's up to you, but it definitely can.
 
You have to shed expectations, social and your own. For example, nothing wrong in wanting a girlfriend, but she should be an "extra" in your life. YOU are responsible for your happiness, not her. All these things you yearn are extras. Are you employed? Have a roof over your head? can cover your basic needs every month and still have a little extra to go to the movies? Then, my friend, you're golden. Being ALIVE is reason enough to be "happy." Remember, be at peace with yourself and with what you HAVE, instead of stressing over what you don't. Wanting things is not a bad things, that's how we progress, but want them for the RIGHT reasons. Again, a partner should be a plus to your life and should not, like Jerry Mcguire says, complete you. You should already be complete or as close to it as no one is perfect. The more at peace you are with yourself the easier you'll find it to connect with others and ultimately someone specifically.

I know this. I don't want to bring someone into my life to "fix" my misery, I have to do it myself. But I can't get out of this vicious cycle. I only see the things that are going wrong and the little good things don't satisfy me. I feel like a stranger everywhere I go. A large part of my studies is talking to people but it just sucks so bad. The people suck. The true friendships just aren't there. I'm fucking tired of listening to boring people and their boring topics, I want to speak my mind openly to someone and connect on a deeper level. I see these people on streets every day and the yearning is strong. I'm fucking tired of riding my bike every day in summer, hoping to meet someone. I don't want to do everything alone, it's driving me crazy. How are people able to just do stuff and be satisfied, I'm guessing they still have someone to back them up, family, friends, whoever. I don't want to live in my thoughts anymore, I want this weary nightmare to end. I've tried to push my boundaries so much this year, tried to get involved with new things and new people, but every time something starts to build up, it falls apart again. There is no life.
 
Sounds like cabin fever. Ever thought of going abroad to study?
 
Seeing a therapist was my first thought, but getting away from your home and opening your horizons is another good idea.
 
I recommend a therapist, too.

Seeing a therapist was my first thought ....

Definitely third this. Having a professional help steer you in the right direction is always helpful. Had a chat with a collegue here in the university who is a psychologist and I told him of a friend of mine and how I was helping him through some heartbreak. It was amazing how much he was able to put together from a redacted, third person account. He told me of a client of his going through something similar and it was interesting to hear his process as a professional and the plan he had for him. Made me reconsider going for a masters in psych lol, but point being, they definitely know what they're doing.
 
Sounds like cabin fever. Ever thought of going abroad to study?

I have, I’m planning to go for the second semester next year. But that means I’ve got to survive till next spring and have enough mental power to organise the going.
Therapy is probably the best option at this point, albeit an expensive one. I just don’t know what else to do, ending up at the same point year after year.
 
Wanting things is not a bad things, that's how we progress, but want them for the RIGHT reasons. Again, a partner should be a plus to your life and should not, like Jerry Mcguire says, complete you. You should already be complete or as close to it as no one is perfect. The more at peace you are with yourself the easier you'll find it to connect with others and ultimately someone specifically.
Absolutely. My personal philosophy has always been that it's much better to be happy single to start with, and then it will be easier to recognise the "right person" as they will be the one whose company you prefer to your state of happy singleness. If you are trying to find a partner simply to avoid not having a partner, you will have that much more noise to filter out.

When I was at college (the first time) the other girls used to say to me "do you have a boyfriend?" And I would say "no, I don't have a boyfriend." Their next question would inevitably be "Oh, then are you looking for a boyfriend?" And I would reply "no, I am not looking for a boyfriend." So then there would be a pause, while they puzzled over this, and then they would say "So you haven't got time for a boyfriend?" This attitude baffled me, it was like they "dated" as a hobby, and "got a boyfriend" like they got a car - just as an accesssory they thought they should have. And, like cars, they got through a lot of boyfriends. I got the distinct impression it didn't make them very happy.
 
I have, I’m planning to go for the second semester next year. But that means I’ve got to survive till next spring and have enough mental power to organise the going.
Therapy is probably the best option at this point, albeit an expensive one. I just don’t know what else to do, ending up at the same point year after year.

There are more economic options. For example, as an ex-Catholic, I can call my parish priest, set up a talk... for free. I can ask the church for probono or inexpensive therapists. After my divorce I saw a psychiatrist for a while and he only charged 100 PESOS a session. that's 5 US dollars and the sessions were at the church in the priest's office. Mexico has universal healthcare so I can again ask for inexpensive therapists. In the U.S I went to the university's mental health department and I was given 3 sessions for free and after that it would have been 25 dollars a session. Maybe your University has some options as well. You don't have to go to super expensive shrinks to get good help. I even got free help from psychology grad students.
 
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