Life and Death have been on my mind as of late. I normally don't have a conversation about Death with my students, but I do about Life and purpose. I'll post about this elsewhere, but it usually has to do with work and what they'll do the rest of their lives. Have they thought about it? How concerned are they? Whether it is the middle schoolers or the college kids, it is a chat I always have with them as it is either directly or partly tied to a unit we are looking at. Most jobs will be automated or done by a robot (even mine) in the next 10 to 20 years. What drives you? What gives you purpose? What are you working towards?
I introduce them to Maslow's pyramid of needs: Physical or basic needs, followed by security, social, ego/esteem and finally self-actualization. After I give them a very basic rundown I tell them, "I'll save you thousands of dollars in therapy," and proceed to erase all but the bottom two. "THESE should be your priorities, not being famous, not making tons of money, but making ENOUGH money to meet your physical needs and your sense of safety. The rest tends to fall into place on its own." Then I tell them to keep an open mind and have options in terms of what to do with their lives. I use myself as an example. I've worked at a gas station, domestic violence shelter, behavioral health clinic, car agency, as a DJ, tutor, pharmacy technician and now as an English teacher/professor. Some by choice, some by necessity, but always giving it 100% and looking for opportunities. Thanks to my attitude, not my job, I've been content/happy at most of my jobs.
My aunt died last week. My mother's oldest sister in her late 80s. I felt nothing. Not only because I really didn't know her well, but because she was in her late 80s.... time to go. I felt bad when my brother brought me the funeral program and I thought to myself, "I'll put it with the rest," as though they were baseball cards. I felt bad for the inappropriateness of the joke, then a tad sad that at my relatively young age of 35 I have amassed a few funeral programs from friends and loved ones that have passed.
Yesterday I saw the news that U.S Olympic cyclist, Kelly Catlin, died at 23. She killed herself in her Stanford University dorm room. I was devastated. A quick Google search of her name and all major news outlets have a piece on her. My aunt's death didn't even make me flinch, the death of a complete stranger has me pretty down. Again, my aunt was old, it was expected. This young woman was an Olympic medalist, 3 time world champion, seemingly with her entire life ahead of her. All gone.
I posted in the hockey thread many years ago at my pain at seeing a slew of players kill themselves after retirement. Some time later Rhonda Rousey spoke of the suicidal depression she suffered after losing her MMA title. She said something to the effect of, "Winning was everything to me, when that was taken from me I had nothing left." Hockey legend Bobby Orr stated something similar in his memoir. How, after being forced into retirement due to knee injuries and with no money, because his agent stole it, he was lost and only 30 years old.
Athletes work single-mindedly towards a specific goal and once achieved or taken away they're left with nothing. What's next? I'm not going to pretend to know why Catlin killed herself, but I'm willing to bet it was due to somehting around those lines. 23 years old, a young person, but an old athlete. She was attending a great University, but I'm sure she still felt lost.
I will echo what I said in my post about the 3 loves and the meaning of life: It doesn't matter what your purpose is, as long as you have one. I'll add what I tell my students when I tell them to just focus on the first two rungs of Maslow's needs. The reason they should be your priority is because everything else can change and you have to be willing and able to accept that. I wanted to become a priest at one point. Clearly that never happened. I'm not bummed about it at all.... priorities change, secondary needs change and we have to change with them.
