Mental Health Thread aka Do You Fear Death?

Do you fear death, dying, etc.?

  • Yes

    Votes: 11 25.0%
  • No

    Votes: 18 40.9%
  • Trying my best to not think about it

    Votes: 12 27.3%
  • Never really thought about it and I'm unable to come up with an answer on a spot

    Votes: 3 6.8%

  • Total voters
    44

Brigantium

General of the Dark Army
Staff member
I'm thinking of paying for private counselling. It's very expensive but the pay rise with my temporary promotion should cover it, even if it's a shame to spend any spare money I have rather than saving it. Lists for NHS treatment are very long and generally you only get referred for proper in-depth sessions if you have the most serious acute mental health problems.

I'm increasingly seeing how too much of my life is still being affected by upbringing but especially the mentality from senior school. It wasn't an inner city no-go area level of deprived and rough, but the standard attitude was 'accept you're worthless shit like the rest of us, life is shit, and learn as many different and colourful ways as possible to tell everyone else to fuck off as soon as they look at you or you'll get into a serious fight'.

Looking back, the kids from the slightly more affluent new housing estates went home or got passes for lunchtime clubs and societies to get themselves out of communal areas. They fared a lot better. Teachers wanted to teach them, put them forward for leadership and personal development schemes, and assumed everyone else was stupid and borderline criminal. Quite a few of my friends who were also caught between the two camps skived off school a lot with their parents' consent. Everyone was pressured to be dragged down into a fucked up subculture of aggression and failure. It was a genuine surprise to me that nobody got into fights when I was at uni and that people wanted to have careers. The first time I went to a club, I was braced the whole time for someone trying to start a fight. When a guy tried to talk to me I immediately told him to fuck off!

Thankfully I very rarely get aggressive with anyone, I tend to bite my lip. Some of the kids from school quickly ended up in prison. Some have probably never worked.

However I've realised I'm often still on edge expecting people, women in particular, trying to start fights. On some level, I probably even tolerate unacceptable aggression from others because subconsciously, it's the norm, everyone does it to everyone else. Add to that the still feeling pressured to conform to that old subculture, and the expectation that all the 'other people' outside of that are somehow superior in every way, and it's unhealthy.
 

The_7th_one

Ancient Mariner
If you can pay it. Do it.
Mental Health is as important or much more as other health problems. Therapist can help you to manage anger, depression, disorders or whatever mental issue.
 

Magnus

Pica Serdica
You could always become this planet's second deadpantheist if you wish, Brigs.
Deadpantheist, me.
Credo: Universe is a lame joke
Otherwise, doing whatever you feel is the right thing to do has always been my modus operandi, and it mostly works, it seems.
 

Brigantium

General of the Dark Army
Staff member
The problem is when whatever you feel isn't the right or helpful thing to do, or when you don't know what you feel. ;)

Anyway, I started my first counselling session today. I was expecting them to ask a lot more but they sort of sat back and waited for me to talk instead. I think I'd rather someone helped me along with this. I could just write everything down in a journal if there's little to no input from the counsellor.
 

Magnus

Pica Serdica
How about you ask them what they think about Zaphod in the Total Perspective Vortex.
At least you'd know what kind of people you're dealing with.
But seriously, since you feel this is the right thing to do, :ok:
 

Brigantium

General of the Dark Army
Staff member
Zaphod wasn't in the actual Total Perspective Vortex, was he? I thought he was in a mirror universe in somebody's pocket.
 

MindRuler

Found in a lost world
The problem is when whatever you feel isn't the right or helpful thing to do, or when you don't know what you feel. ;)

Anyway, I started my first counselling session today. I was expecting them to ask a lot more but they sort of sat back and waited for me to talk instead. I think I'd rather someone helped me along with this. I could just write everything down in a journal if there's little to no input from the counsellor.
I know what you mean, I had a counsellor like that too and it wasn´t helpful to me at all. There wasn´t a connection either which is quite important because you´re talking about personal issues, I wouldn´t like to share those with someone I´m not comfortable with.
 

Brigantium

General of the Dark Army
Staff member
It's got me wondering how much you need to pay to get the full service. I'd really like to do this properly.
 

Magnus

Pica Serdica
Zaphod wasn't in the actual Total Perspective Vortex, was he? I thought he was in a mirror universe in somebody's pocket.
He was in a universe in which he was the most important person, and that's where DNA (the author, not the molecule) nailed it:
On a cosmic scale, you are nothing, and so are your dreams, achievements, or problems for that matter.
Except, and that's the whole point, cosmic scale can go fuck itself when there's essential stuff on the agenda.
 

Brigantium

General of the Dark Army
Staff member
I've stopped the therapist sessions as they weren't very helpful and couldn't justify that cost. I'd like to try something else that's more structured, maybe, although that could be even more expensive.

A silent therapist sitting waiting for you to start talking about whatever you want doesn't really work when you're shut down, defensive, and subconsciously trying to work out how to behave and if there's any threat in the room. :D
 

JudasMyGuide

Servant of the Secret Fire
That doesn't sound like a good practice, indeed, however from my own experience (and you can see that realistically depicted in The Sopranos as well, actually), therapy sessions are really a long-term investment, the progress is frustratingly subtle, it feels like a money-sinking hole, it is repetitive, inconsistent... it is absolutely normal to look at it a year and a half later and think "WTF has just happened? We just keep talking and talking and I spent XXX on that and there's no result at all". If it works (and I guess that's not guaranteed), it works in a really subtle ways.
And I say that as someone who tends to be a bit sceptical towards that stuff in general, despite having been lucky with actually using it and with it actually helping me.

However, yes, you two should talk, if you don't, that's not a therapy.
 

JudasMyGuide

Servant of the Secret Fire
With beer, for that matter

Why, I'm going to be a spoilsport and since this thread is supposed to be about mental health, I'd just like to say - for the sake of the general audience in this thread - that (also from my and my wife's experience) drink should not be used to help with mental health issues, because this often does not end well.

Even if we use it as a relief with our anxiety issues or panic attacks, we are on a thinner ice than we often realise.

But I am definitely not a teetotaller, rather I follow - as I usually do - Chesterton:

CHesD.png
 

Perun

After the war?
Staff member
Why, I'm going to be a spoilsport and since this thread is supposed to be about mental health, I'd just like to say - for the sake of the general audience in this thread - that (also from my and my wife's experience) drink should not be used to help with mental health issues, because this often does not end well.

Even if we use it as a relief with our anxiety issues or panic attacks, we are on a thinner ice than we often realise.

But I am definitely not a teetotaller, rather I follow - as I usually do - Chesterton:

View attachment 23865

I agree if we're talking about habitual drinking. But there are also cases when it's not wrong to drink to drown your sorrows. There have been cases in which I just felt miserable and I felt too comfortable in wallowing in my sorrow to be cheered up in any conventional way, but going to a party and getting completely wasted helped. Obviously, if this becomes a habit, there's a deeper lying problem to be addressed. But if you're stuck moping over a rejection or the fact that you've had a week where everything seems to go wrong, it can help. It's not the solution, it's not the answer, and it's not for everyone. But if you've had a shitty week and you just want to get wasted on the Friday to forget about it, it makes it worse if you feel guilty about it.

I can think of two occasions in my life where this happened, and obviously I'm still around and haven't turned into an alcoholic. On the first occasion I woke up the next day with a massive hangover and a Venetian mask in my bed and I don't remember where it came from. The second occasion resulted in what I thought was an embarrassing Facebook post (which I have since deleted) that amused a few people and that was it.

Again: If you notice you're doing this often, it's a problem and your life needs fixing. I'm just saying such an absolute statement involving the word "never" has the potential to spawn guilt trips that can make things worse.
 

Black Abyss Babe

CriedWhenJanickCutHisHair
In general I tend to think that if you "need a drink" you should probably ask why but if you "fancy a beer" that's the right reason to have one.

The situation @Perun has just outlined doesn't sound like my understanding of "drowning one's sorrows" since the "getting wasted" is not the object of the operation but simply the (inevitable?) consequence: rather, the company and the process of "getting wasted" seem to be the really important components here.
 
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