Maiden Stories


Ancient Mariner
EPISODE 1: A Tale Of Two Sillies

Dave: What are you reading, Bruce?
Bruce: A book, Davey.
Dave: I know that's a book, Bruce. I went to school remember?
Bruce: Oh yeah. I keep forgetting that. I really don't know why.
Dave: What I was trying to say is which book you're reading at the moment?
Bruce: What does this button do?
Dave: Which button?
Bruce: This button!
Dave: What button are you talking about?
Bruce: The button of my book!
Dave: There's a button on your book? That's funny.
Bruce: That's the title of my book, Dave!
Dave: Your book?
Bruce: Yes!
Dave: The one you are reading at the moment?
Bruce: The one I wrote!
Dave: I thought you were reading a book.
Bruce: I am!
Dave: But you said you wrote it.
Bruce: Because I did! Oh Davey come on!
Nicko: What's going on here?
Dave: Bruce is reading a book.
Nicko: Oh nice, I can't remember the last time I read a book.
Oh I do remember! It was Christmas Eve 2012 and I believe it was something with Orcs and stuff.
Bruce: It's not just "a" book. It's "my" book.
Nicko: You mean it's your own book...
Bruce: Finally someone who understands what I'm trying to say!
Nicko: ...and not some book you got at the library.
Bruce: Oh no! What is this? Dumb and Dumber?
Nicko: Is it on?
Bruce: What?
Nicko: That movie.
Bruce: Which movie?
Nicko: Dumb and Dumber. Good stuff! I love that movie!
Bruce: I was talking about you both.
Nicko: So me and Davey are Dumb and Dumber?
Bruce: Exactly!
Dave: That's not a nice thing to say, Bruce.
Nicko: F**k my old boots indeed! Brucey boy, behave!
Bruce: I am behaving!
Nicko: No you're not!
Bruce: I'm reading a book! You guys make it almost impossible to read a few lines.
Dave: But you said you wrote it instead of reading it.
Bruce: That's not what I said. I was reading the book I wrote.
Dave: So you wrote that book.
Bruce: Exactly.
Dave: And now you're reading it?
Bruce: Yes! Finally!
Dave: Isn't that strange?
Bruce: What is strange?
Dave: You're reading a book that you wrote. So you know everything.
Nicko: Yeah, Bruce. What's the point reading something you allready know.
Bruce: Why not?
Nicko: I mean, do you think that guy who wrote the book about the Orcs and the porcs read his book afterwards?
Bruce: Tolkien?
Nicko: Oh you know him too?
Bruce: I've read more books than you dreamt of in your dirty nightmares, Nicko!
Nicko: My nightmares aren't dirty!
Bruce: Prove it!
Nicko: At least they're not dirty anymore since Elvis left the building.
Dave: That was pretty disrespectful and you know it, Nicko!
Nicko: Sideburny deserved it!
Bruce: Sideburny?
Dave: A nickname for you know who.
Nicko: He's no Lord Voldemort, Davey. Blaze.
Bruce: Bayley?
Dave: Yeah, him.
Bruce: He did a great job on Virtual XI. Too bad he didn't sing on Brave New World.
Nicko: Are you serious?
Bruce: Offcourse...not (laughs really hard)
Dave: What does the button do?
Nicko: What button?
Dave: The button of the book of Bruce.
Nicko: Bruce's book has a button?
Dave: Not really, but there is one in the title.
Nicko: Hey, wait a minute!
Dave: What's wrong, Nicko?
Nicko: Who is Dumb and who is Dumber from the two of us?
Bruce: I'm losfer words...
Dave: Big Orra!
Bruce: Don't get me started or I'm going to grab my taperecorder!

Black Abyss Babe

Quantum weather butterfly
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a now-ex-colleague sometime in 2011:
Me: Knut the polar bear has died.
Him: Who?
Me: Knut the polar bear.
Him: What's he done?
Me: Died.
Him: Who's died?
Me: Knut the polar bear.
Him: What's he done?
Me: Died.
Him: Who's died?
(repeat ad nauseum for about half an hour ... :grumble:)


Ancient Mariner
EPISODE 2: The Edge Of Seventeen

Steve: Anyone else?
Nicko: What about Majesty Of Gaia?
Steve: You can´t be serious Nick.
Nicko: Wasn´t it a made up title from some fanforum years ago?
Janick: Yeah, it would be funny though.
Nicko: Such forums aren´t funny at all.
Dave: I registered with a fake nick on the maidenfans forum. Guess which album was chosen to be our best?
Bruce: Brave New World?
Adrian: Killers?
Steve: Beast?
Dave: Seventh Son. And some of those fans call the Powerslave album Fillerslave.
Steve: How disrespectfull.
Dave: And they play games too. They have the big GMAC.
Nicko: Sounds like a tasty burger.
Dave: GMAC stands for Greatest Metal Album Cup or something like that. And Pink Floyd is still in the game.
Adrian: Floyd isn´t even metal. They should be disqualified.
Dave: Now you just sound like @Black Wizard.
Nicko: Sounds like a lovely place there.
Dave: People like all kind of metal there.
Steve: Even Black Metal?
Dave: Sure.
Steve: I don´t understand that subgenre.
Nicko: Black Metal matters. Wighoo!!
Dave: @Magnus would like that.
Steve: Let´s cut to the chase. Which title is it going to be.
Janick: It´s our 17th album.
Nicko: 17th Daughter of a 17th Daughter.
Steve: Not bad but... no.
Adrian: The Edge Of Seventeen.
Dave: Isn´t that allready taken?
Adrian: Guess not, never heard of it.
Janick: Stevie Nicks.
Adrian: Nah, not catchy enough for a title.
Janick: The Edge Of Seventeen is a Stevie Nicks song.
Adrian: Didn ´t know that. I wanted to have a concept album about the early years of the U2 guitarplayer.
Steve: No, H. Not a concept album anymore. We have to come up with a title the young fans will like.
Dave: Don´t forget the opinion of the boomers.
Steve: Or the really old fans. Dave?
Dave: Yes, Arry?
Steve: Can´t you start a poll about this on that fan forum where you spend so much time?
Dave: No problem.
Steve: Or make a list of possible titles.
Dave: A list? That´s impossible.
Steve: And why is that?
Dave: @CriedWhenBrucieLeft hates lists.