Know anyone who wants to be the next ukelele/didgeridoo star?

Yax

Ancient Mariner
I have shaker wizardry to give away too but that's not the hard part for me to find. The ukelele player has to be a person who can ukelele-the-shit out of almost anything and fit a lot of images. I'm hoping I can you here so that we can record an album on my phone and make gazillions. You might not have considered wandering into this before unless there was some sick rhytms, a shit load of didgerdoo solos and there was almost a guarantee of success. If you're the Yngwie Malmsteen of didgeridoo soloing, then this is your chance to shine.


The link between the secret of "good music with amazing ukelele licks" and solving the world's problems and mysteries might be closer than expected. There's some sort of theory behind it too. I think it might be the New World Order theory.

Please send me 5000 dollars to cover for the audition expenses.

Yax
 

Night Prowler

Customer Deathcycle Manager
Staff member
I think Mosh can play one or both of those instruments. I'm not sure where I got that from, but he plays a lot of instruments already, and even if he doesn't know how to play these now, I'm sure he can learn in record time.
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
Night Prowler. That is great news.

Allow me to explain more about this sock and roof blowing band.

I would call it a rock band if I had to label it but that doesn't really tell you how crazy this music is. Some of it is very mainstream sounding. Some of it not. Some of it might even feel like a glimpse of what Maiden could do with other kinds of music. Need the band though. Have Mosh PM if interested and like all kinds of music, not just cool music, and open to doing things differently. There is some very cool stuff though.

Please send me 580 dollars and 35 cents to help pay for CD printing.

Yax.


I will obviously play the guiro.
 

SinisterMinisterX

Illuminatus
Staff member
I have a spoon. If you have a spoon you can loan me, I can tap the spoons togethers. According to theory this will solve world problems. Tapping of spoons togethers is linked to improved fuel efficiency in Lisbon and dog obedience school graduation rates in Egypt source here.
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
That is extraordinary. I do however not have any spoons. I only have sporks, and tapping sporks and spoons together will shatter the earth's core.

I don't have a source, but take my word for it. The previous sentence is also the album title.

Yax
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
It is very important that you can keep an open mind about music genres. I want you to be able to think of a triangle, not as a percussion instrument, but a possible string instrument.
 

LooseCannon

Enterprise-class aircraft carrier
Staff member
I have $1.29 (Canadian) and a piece of guitar string I found on the street. Am I able to participate?
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
The 1.29 will be refunded 10 000 times over, as this effort is a guaranteed success. The guitar string could very well be put to use. Who knows what mysteries a wooden stick with an attached half guitar string could end up solving?
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
But the question is: Do you grasp the full extent of your wish to join? You have no idea how crazy this music is and the impact it will have on the world. Are you truly ready to have your existance crumble, your socks rocked off and your beer drinked? Mind you that the music is not for the faint hearted and I'm looking for the next stars of the global music scene.
 

Ariana

Black-and-white leopard
Thank you for the opportunity. I am the person that you need. You don't know that but I'm telling you now. Here is why. I can fit any image anywhere - in a folder, in a box, in a drawer, in a bag, in a dirty sock. I can play any instrument in a way that nobody has ever heard before. My most famost song is called "Oh, you, summer lilly, will you touch my silly wil... willow" and includes a face-melting eight-minute solo on cheese drums. Please send $300 for this wonderful information.
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
Wow Ariana, you might be the kind of soul I am looking for. I'm looking for upcoming musicians such as yourself.


I will deduct the 300 dollars from the nominal joining fee (three payments of 699.66$). Tell me, what other styles of music do you listen to other than Iron Maiden, Lil' Wayne and Eurodisco? It is important that you have a high tolerance toward other types of music.

I'm hoping to find other people to work with who can make the most of this opportunity. The didgeridoo parts is destined to spawn a brand new genre "Didgeridoo shred) and the ukelele player will have a fair chance to not only play music to millions of fans but also to host gaming shows in Japan.

Yax
 

Night Prowler

Customer Deathcycle Manager
Staff member
I thought of a part of a melody while sleeping last night, can I mail that to you? It can only be played using a bullroarer though.

Cheers.
 
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Yax

Ancient Mariner
Indeed, melodies come to you in your head. That is amazing and I will not dismiss your head lightly. Please PM me, as we want to keep all our music to ourselves and not divulge any particulars that might show we mean business. I also like hats.

Yax
 

Yax

Ancient Mariner
Hello I am still trying to go finding the rock stars of my band. We can solve all of the world's problems and become the Beatles of our generation. Who is interested in this piece of music that I wrote? I cannot tell you what the music is but it is very groundbreaking and spans many genres. But not old Beatles. They are old. We will become the new Beatles.

Regards
Yax
 
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Yax

Ancient Mariner
Shadow!

Is it a trilogy? I like a good trilogy. Also what subject does this unwritten trilogy deal with?
 

Shadow

Deluxe Edition
Staff member
There are fifteen songs, and they are structured as a heroic crown of sonnets. The subject matter is complex and I don't want to share it with anyone unless I'm sure they will understand it.
 
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