Dating Advice For MaidenFans Thread

Black Wizard

Cereal Litigator
I'm not familiar with that one, but Ad Block Plus does the job nicely. I think some ads can get past if they fit certain criteria such as not being pop-up or being too intrusive.
 

Perun

Stepping out bravely
Staff member
Guys, I hate ads and I hate to be like this, but you know that those ads are what keeps us running, right?
 

Saapanael

"Get a life, punk!"
Today I had that art class with the girl in a relationship for the last time. This time we talked the most. Knowing I probably won’t see her again sucks, would’ve liked to hug her but she rushed before I could even say goodbye. I understand, and even though it hurts like hell, there’s a certain sweetness to knowing that people have the power to make you feel that way.
 

Perun

Stepping out bravely
Staff member
Today I had that art class with the girl in a relationship for the last time. This time we talked the most. Knowing I probably won’t see her again sucks, would’ve liked to hug her but she rushed before I could even say goodbye. I understand, and even though it hurts like hell, there’s a certain sweetness to knowing that people have the power to make you feel that way.
Is she on Facebook?
 

Saphrax

Nomad
And bide your time until she's free. Or not. Even if she gets married it's not a lost cause.

Nooooo!!

One-itis and beta orbiting are an all expenses paid trip to shitsville. Next thing you know, he’ll be peeping fb 24/7 to see if she has any new pics and what her relationship status is. Or messaging and then waiting for days to get a monosyllabic or emoticon response.

Misery thy name is unrequited secret infatuation.

Best advice is to ask directly early or move on. Maybe breaking contact and moving on is a blessing.

In fact, delete facebook, all of you.
 
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mtmccox

Ancient Mariner
In fact, delete facebook, all of you.
Also hit the gym & lawyer up.

Saap: I would take the middle road. Sometimes two people are for each other, just the time/place is not right. Sometimes they will be brought together later, with a different circumstance. I don't believe in burning the bridges
BUT
Also I would not cling to one option, when there might be someone incredibly awesome who will make you happy, waiting behind the corner and you will miss her just because your eyes are focused elsewhere. As Brig says, going out and meeting people is the best way. Even if maybe in the end you end up with someone else, still the experience can make you grow and know others as well as yourself. I think now I have the right one, but I don't regret spending time and effort and nerves on past relationships because it all makes us who we are.
 

Saapanael

"Get a life, punk!"
I decided not to add her. I don't want to be scrolling down one day and see "best day ever with my love" posted by her. Besides, I can always write to her on Messenger and catch up without befriending.
hit the gym
Just had a fantastic gym session.
 

mtmccox

Ancient Mariner
Who would have thought I will come back here so soon. Just 2 days ago I smiled knowing I am in a happy arrangement. Well here goes, I copy this from another place, since I wrote it already.

I met my girlfriend in March, fell for her pretty quickly, even though we are from different worlds. She comes from Taiwan, studied in Spain, now we are in Prague. She is from a wealthy family by my standards, used to good things. In the beginning we saw many differences – mainly in values, but as we were falling in love together gradually, we made compromises. Time with her flew very fast, I really have to say I was very happy, even though it is a rollercoaster because she is very immature and has a weak mind. She is very pretty, can be hardworking, smart, but always sees her worth in something else, like money, property etc. I think she is lacking a bit of „good person self confidence“ which is usually enough for me to validate myself.

In the beginning I used to get crazy jealous of her talking to guys, she is constantly being hit on by everyone. I worked on myself and now it is better. I made many mistakes during our time together and so did she – but for me our love was a strong basis and every time after disagreements I came back to this – we love each other and it is worth to fight for and make compromises.

We have access to each others phones and she from time to time goes through my messages. I try to be strong and not do that, but I fail and sometimes also take a look who she’s been chatting up. I trust her, but am not strong enough. Most of the times me reading her messages lead to situation being only worse.

I want to stay with her, consider her „the one“, she started talking about marriage very soon, I kept telling her it is too early, we fought a few times because of this. But frankly I am confident I will be happy with her and was thinking of proposing maybe next year.

She has an ex in Taiwan, who left her, because she went to Europe twice and had some things with guys here. I know she was very crazy about him, and they planned future together too. After she left he blocked her and stopped all the communication. The guy now has a crazy good salary and few months ago he called her to tell her he finished his part of the plan to earn this and this much. She had a total breakdown, was crying, shaking, unable to speak, because she things her job her sucks a and the money she earns is a joke. I conformed her, we got through it. She had a few moments like this when she goes into pessimism and desperation, but I learned these are just her weak moments nad always stand strong with her and comfort her and make it better. She thanked me couple of times for this. I was okay with this, I accept her with her many flaws (myself being far far from perfect). I did not see this as a problem for our future - we all have weaknesses.

So here we are, looking for a place to live together because I am making a „family reunification“ visa for her, hoping for great future, eventually buying a place, having a family.

Last night I was at her place and wanted to see if one guy from her work continued to hitting her up on Wechat (she works for a chinese company) because I know they have been talking a lot.

I suddenly see her messages to her ex. She says something about snowing here and then she says that if he wants her to come back, she will go back and she will give up everything here.

This, after telling my many times she wants to be with me, planning marriage and kids and fuck what. I suspected she still has some thing for him and asked her in the past. She admitted it was a big mistake that she let him let her go and she said couple times she does not want to lose me in this way.

He did not answer her, at least there are no message answers. If she deleted them, she would delete her texts as well. Then in a few days she messaged him about her B-day, which was on Wednesday.

My heart sank. I tried not to show anything, wanted to think about a proper reaction first. Today I am leaving town for 1 night and I think I will tell her about it – I made a photo of the conversation, so I just want to send her the picture and wait for her reaction.



So I am thinking now which road should I take.

1) Maybe it was another weak moment of hers. There are many arguments that we really are magical together even despite often arguments and conflict our love I thought was so strong and I believed we were meant for each other. Maybe in time she will stop having feelings for him, maybe it was just some desperate thing. Maybe I should fight, because we don’t have too many chances to meet a soulmate and maybe if I forgive her this and persevere, in future we will have our reward – happiness together.

Or

2) Maybe I should break up with her. I am not ok with being a second choice and even though I am willing to make many compromises and commit myself to being with her through good and bad, this feels like a deal breaker. If she still wants him, why be with me then? It would be much more honest to just leave me, go back and try to reconcile with him. I wish her happiness and if she leaves me to be happy, I will know it is good for her life. I might cry a few days but I will also find my happiness, I am a dumb optimist.

I am sorry the structure of my story is confused, I am very lost now and can not really organize my mind. It feels so weird. I am sort of angry about her lying to me, but weirdly calm on the other hand – like not that kind of angry that I would like to scream at her.

Again apologize for the messy text. Will appreciate your thoughts.
 

Night Prowler

CriedWhenBazzaSued
Staff member
I don't know, man. It comes down to whether you can believe her in the future or not. Just the messages of that kind would be a dealbreaker for me, but people are different.
 

Brigantium

Grim Reaper
Staff member
It's your decision at the end of the day, you know the situation better than anyone, but my first thought is that you both have an awful lot to talk through. You do need to know where you stand.

she is very immature and has a weak mind.
always sees her worth in something else, like money, property
Maybe this lost something in translation, but it sounds like you do have some serious reservations about the relationship. Especially when you're checking her private messages too (although in this case it looks like your suspicions weren't unfounded).
 

LooseCannon

Yorktown-class aircraft carrier
Staff member
Hey Cox,

My one takeaway from this is that you deserve to be first in someone's heart. You don't deserve to be number 2. If she really wants to be with another guy and can't get over that, you shouldn't be happy with second place. Nobody should be the fallback person.

I also agree with Brigs - while you might be in love with this girl you are noticing lots of things that seem to juxtapose your values system. This is a warning sign.
 

Ariana

Black-and-white leopard
Never ever check each other's phones or laptops or whatever - that's just asking for trouble. If you feel the need to do so, if you can't trust her completely - that's not the right relationship.

A stark difference in values is a huge no-no in my book and I think that a relationship based on that is bound to end sooner or later, and you would both have wasted your time.
 
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