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I don't plan on having a funeral (I wanna be frozen when I get really old so that they can unfreeze me when technology is good enough to get me a new body), but if I did have one, I'd want this song to be played:

 

"Johnny was bad, even as a child
Everybody could tell
Everyone said, "If you don't get straight, you'll surely go to hell"

But Johnny didn't care
He was an outlaw by the time that he was ten years old
He didn't wanna do what he was told
Just a prankster, a juvenile gangster

His teachers didn't understand
They kicked him out of school
At a tender early age
Just because he didn't want to learn things
Had other interests
He liked to burn things

The lady down the block
She had a radio that Johnny wanted, oh, so bad
So he took it the first chance he had
And then he shot her in the leg
But this is what she said:

He's only a lad
You really can't blame him
Only a lad
Society made him
Only a lad
He's our responsibility
Oh, oh, oh oh oh

Only a lad
He really couldn't help it
Only a lad
He didn't want to do it
Only a lad
He's underprivileged and abused
Perhaps a little bit confused
Oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh

His parents gave up
They couldn't influence his attitude
Nobody could help
The little man had no gratitude

And when he stole the car
Nobody dreamed that he would
Try to take it so far
He didn't mean to hit the poor man
Who had to go and die
It made the judge cry

Only a lad
He really couldn't help it
Only a lad
He didn't want to do it
Only a lad
He's underprivileged and abused
Perhaps a little bit confused
Oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh

It's not his fault that he can't behave
Society's made him go astray
Perhaps if we're nice, he'll go away
Perhaps he'll go away
He'll go away

Only a lad
You really can't blame him
Only a lad
Society made him
Only a lad
He's our responsibility
Oh, oh, oh oh oh
"
 

...or, how to re-purpose a Sabbath riff (The Wizard) in order to make people realise these insects make you dance!
 

I want this played at my funeral. And yeah, I'm definitely having a Catholic funeral, with Mass and everything. How those two go together I don't know, but I guess I have a rest of my life to find a way.
My suggestion: don't worry about it. Let your kids figure it out!
 
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