Dream Killing Game

Yay!

Apparently the economic crises in Europe has not deterred the EU to continue it's bi-monthly lotto drawings. In fact there is an increase to the pot and it is now for "millions of euros." You buy your ticket and pray to Epona and Dispater to ensure your chances and you even sacrifice a small child in your makeshift alter to them. Given that you hate children it really wasn't much of a sacrifice. Finally the night of the drawing has come and you stare at your ticket as the announcer calls off the numbers. What's this?! You've won? You've won! you have won the pot for "millions of euros"! You get a call that your prize will be dolled out daily for the next 30 years directly to your home.

The next day your doorbell rings and you open the door to find a small Belgian child with a not pinned to his coat. You remove it and your face freezes in horror as you read it. The note congratulates you on your winnings, but also explains that due to the current economic crises the EU cannot afford to just give out money during these trying times. The times are so trying in fact that the union is having trouble funding its social programs and cuts had to be made. The industry that suffered the most were orphanages. They decided it would be best to raffle the children away rather than be directly responsible for their starving to death. And now you are responsible for "millions of euros." The Belgian child at your door step is only the first... of millions... that will convene at your home for the next 30 years.


I wish I was auditioning for Dream Theater's drumming spot.

You rule this game

You're auditioning for Dream Theater. You played all the songs they gave you with ease... They are all stunned by your great drumming skills, and Petrucci says: "Congratulations Onhell, your the new dru..."... and then you wake up.

I wish I could own a metal/rock CD shop with all metal/rock CD's in the world.

You own a metal / rock shop that has every metal / rock CD in existence. Unfortunately, the shop is the size of Spain and you spend the rest of your existence walking around looking for specific albums that people want to buy.

I wish I could actually play guitar.

You can play guitar...but you don't own one and you won't have enough money to buy it in the next 60 years.

I wish I was Thor (from the movie).

You are Thor from the movie and the real Nordic God of Thunder, finds you a vulgar and repulsive representation of himself and smites you down with a sonic storm of thunder. The massive noise disorients you which makes you easy prey to his hammer which he flings at your head pulverizing it upon impact. As he catches it in a mocking Australian accent he says, "Thor: Nordic for 'Badass'."

I hope I "kill" at my first open-mic tonight!

You do kill at the open mic night, just not like you wanted too. One of the members of the audience thinks your voice is the worst thing he's ever heard and can not take it any longer so he pulls a gun on you, pulls the trigger and you feel the blow he then turns the gun on himself.

I wanna own the entire Iron Maiden discography.

You have it. Unfortunately it sucks.

So that was lame, but I want to resurrect this thread.

I wish it's September 2006.

It is. But the sudden change of time causes the entire earth to be pushed back 4 years. The sudden jerk causes the continents to shake forming a new pangea. Also a new ice age.



I wish it wasn't so hot.

You're in luck, because since we now live in a new ice age it is not so hot, but the time shift also sped up the evolution of many creatures. The Asian and African elephants have grown hair like their wooly mammoth ancestors and are creating havoc for everybody. Apes now walk up right, can read and not surprisingly have fallen in love with Marxist writings. They have organized unions and decided to revolt against the human "super class." But what do they want? Better tree houses? No. Better jobs? No. They want you dead. They even made a poster of an Ape Uncle Sam with those exact words, "Ape Uncle Sam wants YOU... DEAD." The humans of course form a resistance, but there is no resisting the brutal force of a pissed off chimpanzee slinging feces at your face to blind you as they tear you to shreds....

I wish I didn't have to choose between the Ron White show and the Queensryche concert... 

You didn't have to choose. Ron White show is cancelled. You go to the Queensryche concert, and guess what? They play their latest album in its entirety...TWICE! All the band members are dressed like this. You go home never wanting to hear any music again.

I wish I could go to sleep tonight and wake up in November.

LOL, love the pic!

You want to make sure you get a good night sleep so you take a couple shots of Nyquil, a couple of Tylenol PMs and a vodka cranberry for good measure. You not only fall asleep, but you enter hibernation. When you wake up you do not recognize the world around you. Sure it's your house, but it's all beat up and falling apart and you are trudging in a foot of dirt. You wake up your computer and check the calendar and are surprised that it's November... 2015! That's right, the drug cocktail had a quasi cryogenic effect on your body helping you sleep for 4 years. In that time Maiden put out one more studio album, three greatest hits collection, an Eddie special edition sarcophagus of rarities, tour notes, the band's favorite italian recipes and the one item to bring it all together... Eddie Toilet Paper.

When you reach out to your friends and family you find out they didn't even notice you were gone. They just say they figured you finally followed through with your threat of back packing through South America. Not even your model girlfriend bothered to come over and check on you. She merely hooked up with French rocker Jean Luc and never turned back. You lose your job delivery pizzas due to "job abandonment" and the position has been filled by a cute chimp named Bobo who does twice the work for practically no pay. All he demands is a weekly supply of fruit including a warm canteloupe he can masturbate with.

So with a run down home, no girlfriend, no job and no warm cantaloupe of your own you decide to recreate the drug cocktail that got you in this mess, but this time.... there is no coming back!

I wish it was tuesday of next week.

ok, tuesday came and went... so much for that.

I wish I didn't have to work every day...

You don't have to work everyday, but everyday you don't work you have to get on a stage in front of every person that lives in the town you live in and dance to the most horrible music in existence.

I wish being an 8th grader didn't make me feel so weird.

So you wish being an 8th grader didn't feel so weird and lucky you! Being an 8th grader is NOT what is making you feel so weird, it's the fact that the underwear you bought at Wal-Mart on sale of 99 for 8.99, is riding up your special place. The fact that it is riding up your special place makes you walk with an odd limp and a constant face of concern, which others perceive as a clear sign of mental disability. They ostracize you and you think you just don't fit in and that it feels "weird," when all that has really happened is that you were to cheap to buy decent underwear...


I wish i didn't hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns.

Resurrection time.

You don't hate your job. In fact, you love it. You love it so much that you decide not to go home at all. You dedicate your whole life to your work, which freaks out your boss and he sends you to the loony bin.

I wish I could teleport.

Your vinyl siding is not only done, it plays at 45rpms! Every time someone opens the door they are serenaded to Rick Atstley's "Never gonna give you up."

I wish I'd get my W2 already!