Dream Killing Game

That's lame, Onhell. This is supposed to be your thread. And that's all you've got?!?

You open the package of PopTarts, and the winning ticket falls out. (Yes, Kellogg was running a Willy Wonka style contest.) And so you win a tour of the PopTarts factory, plus a lifetime supply of PopTarts. But when you get to the factory, they insist on giving you that entire lifetime supply at once, and your car can't handle the weight of thousands of PopTarts in your trunk. Your rear tires blow out. That PopTart cost you a new set of tires!

I wish I had a hang-glider so I could ride the thermals way up there and see the Rockies from way above them.
 
You have. and on a nice warm day you take it out and soar above the Rockies, but alas - you get too close to the sun, your hang-glider catches fire and you get a much closer look at the Rockies than you wanted.

Yes, I know that the sun is 150*10^6 kilometers away, and that SMX (or anyone else) would either die of lack of oxygen or of cold, long before he could get close enough to the sun to actually catch fire. But we're talking about dreams here  :p

I wish it was summer and that I was somewhere in the mountains, fishing trout and enjoying the solitude.
 
It is. It's so great, that you forget about everyone else and spend a month enjoying the solitude. But when you come back, you're shocked to see that all the people in the world died of unknown illness and you're the last man alive. Also, a comet the size of Texas is going to hit Earth and the fish you ate was poisoned.

I wish I could see Maiden play in my city on this tour.
 
you can but you ate the poisoned fish too.  :p

I wish it wasn't -15 right now.
 
SinisterMinisterX said:
That's lame, Onhell. This is supposed to be your thread. And that's all you've got?!?
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LOL, well, we all have our bad days :p, at least that's part of it.

The Knife Master said:
you can but you ate the poisoned fish too.  :p

I wish it wasn't -15 right now.
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Well you got your wish, because it isn't -15 anymore, now it's -20.

I want to do the evolution, that's right, fuck the twist, it's all about the evolution.
 
You do that, but what the hell is that? Who gives a crap? You just wasted a perfectly good wish.


I wish I had mad skillz.
 
you do.... at being a dick.

I wish I had a pilots license.
 
You get a pilot's license. In fact you make you're own! you're in the home for 'tards after all. You grab your favorite puke-green crayon and scrawl on the purple construction paper they have out for you and your equally dim-witted mateys. You state: i Has a Polatis licsense! FEER MIIII... Once obtaining your "pilot's license" you begin your illustrious career as the best paper plane maker/flyer in ward C.

I wish new HTML and PHP...
 
You get the HTML and PHP thing, but my extreme stupidity and lack of knowlege on things that sound computer related causes to world to explode. We all die.

Even though I'm 13, I wish I could've gone to a show on the World Slavery tour, and actually made it there and had been able to see it.
 
Metalheadlady said:
Even though I'm 13, I wish I could've gone to a show on the World Slavery tour, and actually made it there and had been able to see it.
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After watching on the local news that there might be a pirate treasure in your basement you decide to grab a shovel and start digging. after digging for 3 inches you find something better than pirate treasure, a rip in the time/space continuum! You get sucked back to the horrible decade that was the 80s. Big hair, horrible new wave music, yuppies and spandex. The only cool thing is that you've arrived on the eve of one of the Powerslave concerts and you landed on some poor sod snapping his neck and killing him.

You could care less and take his ticket instead going to the show.  The near orgasmic experiance has left you in such a daze you forget you're in the past and when chatting up with other fans you tell them it was great, better than Death on the Road. "Death on the Road?" They ask. "Yeah!" and you proceed to tell them about Bruce's departure after Fear the Dark, Blaze's short stint and then the Reunion albums.

People don't even know what to make of you... "She's crazy!" They yell, "She's a witch!" others say. "I'm not a witch! I just know what is going to happen, cuz I be from the future! Communism crumbles, We will have two Gulf Wars, two President's Bush and... Metal will be killed by Grunge music. That was it.... the final straw. Nothing worse to an 80's metalhead than to even conceive of a world without their heavy metal... that's right... fuck Perestroika... They want their Cherry Pie.

The Crowd over powers you before you can make it back to the rift assuming, of course, you can jump BACK in time... We'll never know because the last anybody saw of you either past or present was your hand slowly disappear into the deadly mosh pit that claimed your life and that of a drifter nicked named "Stiffy" for his bad habit of flashing crowds....


I wish I had a cherry pie... 
 
Fantastic post Onhell :cheers:
You get your cherry pie, but it's 5 years old, so you end up in a hospital because of food poisoning...
I wish I could find enough money to go to Wacken this year.
 
You can! But you're too lazy to go.

I wish I could do the funky chicken
 
You can! You are so funky in fact, black brothas adopt you as "Chicken soup with soul"... An unemployed salesman overhears it and makes millions by selling books titled, "Chicken Soup for the Soul"... but that's another story.

Your funkiness gains you notoriety to the point where you become a local attraction at the only nightclub. Guys are buying you drinks, ladies throw their panties and bras in your face and you take it all in as you "chicken out" in funky style on the dance floor. It is your dream come true untill....

QUACK! What is that? Aflac? NO! It's DISCOOOOOO DUCK! You got your self... A DANCE OFF! You pull all the stops! The breaking it down, the head spin and backflips, but they are no match for Disco Duck's shameless John Travolta impression. The crowd turns on you and they tar and feather you with your own feathers... that's right... first they plucked you, then they tar and feather you with YOUR OWN FEATHERS... oh the huge manatee!

hmm... I wish I had a pet Manatee.
 
Onhell said:
hmm... I wish I had a pet Manatee.
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Somebody gives you a manatee for your birthday. You have nowhere to put it so you try and keep it in your bathtub. The manatee suffers from dehydration, its cries are heard all over town. A local group of PETA activists comes over to your house and take you and the manatee with them. You manage to get a signal through to a mate of yours who alerts the police. The police send in a SWAT team to rescue you, but mistakenly assume the manatee to be an alien mutant who keeps you and the activists captive. They kill the manatee, upsetting the PETA people, who storm at the police all the while pointing at you shouting "You killed a harmless manatee, and it's his fault!" The SWAT team is confused, kills the activists, believe you are a manatee, and throw you into the sea. You have to spend the rest of your life feeding on algae and seaweed.


I wish I had a bit more luck.
 
You do have a bit more luck. It all starts with your noisy neighbor that plays The Cars at full blast moving out. When you walk into his apartment you find an old lotto ticket he never completely scratched. You finish it off and find you have won 1,000 Euros! You decide to go to Monaco and try your luck at some of the casinos. You clean house at the craps table and Baccarat. Word spreads of you being so lucky and people start believing you're some sort of leprechaun. Men start asking you for money and women want some of your "lucky charms." At first it's kinda cool, you have new friends and you are laying pipe like a rock star. Then it is not so cool when you realize some of the money has been financing the Russian Mafia and enables them to over take the already shaky government and they slowly start taking over Europe. You also find out that one of your skanky groupies gave you syphilis, gonorrhea and herpes while another one infected you with HIV the clap and crabs. You were so busy "making it rain" you didn't notice their skankiness.

While Penicillin takes care of most of your illnesses the HIV takes hold rather quickly and you die of the common cold while seeing the Russian army led by an Al Capone wannabe enter Berlin's city gates while singing Let the Good Times Roll.

I wish I could eat and drink in the library...
 
Onhell said:
You do have a bit more luck. It all starts with your noisy neighbor that plays The Cars at full blast moving out. When you walk into his apartment you find an old lotto ticket he never completely scratched. You finish it off and find you have won 1,000 Euros! You decide to go to Monaco and try your luck at some of the casinos. You clean house at the craps table and Baccarat. Word spreads of you being so lucky and people start believing you're some sort of leprechaun. Men start asking you for money and women want some of your "lucky charms." At first it's kinda cool, you have new friends and you are laying pipe like a rock star. Then it is not so cool when you realize some of the money has been financing the Russian Mafia and enables them to over take the already shaky government and they slowly start taking over Europe. You also find out that one of your skanky groupies gave you syphilis, gonorrhea and herpes while another one infected you with HIV the clap and crabs. You were so busy "making it rain" you didn't notice their skankiness.

While Penicillin takes care of most of your illnesses the HIV takes hold rather quickly and you die of the common cold while seeing the Russian army led by an Al Capone wannabe enter Berlin's city gates while singing Let the Good Times Roll.
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Totally worth it.  :ok:
 
Onhell said:
I wish I could eat and drink in the library...
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You can... but... the government passes a new law that turns every library in the country into a restaurant... So now you can eat in the library but you can't read in it :)

I want to win milions of euros on the lottery ;)
 
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